Dear Apple,

By: Kaitlynn Jong

Dear Apple,

I’ve been your loyal customer for almost five years now. It’s been a long and winding journey for our love-hate relationship, but through it all I remain dazzled by your sleek coolness. So when I heard that you released your new operating system iOS 8, I felt like a kid on Christmas morning.

Twas bright and early when I updated my phone, because I needed to see what the hype was about. As per usual I was subject to hours of torture – it’s like our annual big fight that you always win. I blame this stress in large part on the fact that I have the lowest iPhone on the totem pole now, the 4S. Maybe this is the price I must pay for you to keep loving me.

The best thing about iOS 8 was obviously the experience of downloading it. Two hours into my hundred-foot journey to update my phone, I was prompted to restore my phone because the update had completely erased everything on it. After four hours of blood, sweat and tears I had final achieved the sadly disappointing update, which continues to make my phone slower than SOLAR on registration day. Though this is definitely not the first or last issue I’ve had with you, I still continuously invest in you like the devoted customer I am.

Before I get too riled up though, I should commend you for everything you give me. iOS 8 has many new features that (are supposed to) make using an iPhone even easier than before. It includes features like being able to respond to a text notification quickly without exiting the application you are currently in—I hate it when mom interrupts a game of Candy Crush. With this new update, I can also send audio files to friends through iMessage, because society has decided that texting is too much work.

As per tradition, iOS 8 also tries to take out another company that you wouldn’t consider to be Apple’s competition. That’s right; Siri has set her sights on Shazam. And perhaps most importantly, you can now take selfies on a timer. Of course there are many more features, but all pale in comparison to the 10 seconds you can now take to compose your duck face.

All this doesn’t matter anymore though as I’m now struggling with the choice of a 16gb or a 64gb iPhone 6 because you decided to cut the only reasonable storage amount, the 32gb. Apple, why do you continuously hurt the people that love you so much?

With love (laced in hate),

Your loyal groupie