Hitting the Pause Button

By: Jenny Chambers - SHEC

Issue. Frustration. Issue. Solution. Doubt. Life moves on. Doubt. Questions. Becomes an Issue again. Frustration. Fight? Solution? Breakup?

“We’re taking a break.” This short phrase has been met with sympathetic looks, shoulder squeezes and “Oh, I’m so sorry you’re going through that” every time I’ve said it over the last week. While it might signal that everything in said relationship is not perfect, I have to wonder why everyone treats that phrase as if it automatically precedes a breakup.

1. Slow down, catch your breath. While taking a break in a relationship that’s still shiny and new might not be a positive sign, for those who have been with one person for a significant amount of time taking a break can actually provide a lot of insight and serve as a springboard into the next chapter. No relationship is ever perfect. The highs and lows can feel like a roller coaster at times, but taking some time off is just the right thing to slow down and catch your breath.

2. An Outlet for Relief. If you find yourself repeatedly experiencing negativity, anxiety, or doubt when thinking about certain aspects of your relationship, providing each other with some space creates an outlet for relief. And while communication is one of the most important building blocks in any relationship, sometimes messages just aren’t hitting home or you’re just not on the same page. If this is the case, it’s best to leave it; let emotions cool and private musings let you understand each other’s point.

3. Time to reflect, question, and try out the “single life” for a bit. The benefits of taking some time and space apart are really for you and your partner as individuals. Allowing yourself time to reflect on whatever issues are present is healthy, but also allows inner questioning about who you really are and how you’ve changed in a relationship. Where do you want to go? What do you want, what do you need? Does your partner fit this future? Many of these questions are easier to answer without the weight of the relationship or issue itself hanging in the balance. Time off can also give you a chance to learn whether you will be okay with moving forward without your partner. If you find it’s really hard to live without them, then you’ve found the answer to those “Am I sure?” doubts. If not, it’s probably a sign that it’s time to move on.

4. Learning what YOU want. Growing and learning with your significant other is one of the best parts of a relationship, but somewhere along the journey we tend to let ourselves fall into one another and forget to look up. While you might not get a mutual answer at the end of the break period, taking a step back serves as a learning experience of what you each want.

So, where now? So to those that only understand taking a break as a bad thing, it is in fact a great chance to learn about your partner and remind you of yourself; to reignite the passion or to admit that it’s burnt out; or to remind both of you how a healthy relationship works.