On men, anger, and mainstream feminism

A few days ago, Emma Watson shared a message with the world that news sites called “game-changing.” To feminists, the message wasn’t new or radical, but it shook the social media universe and left the world in awe. Emma Watson nervously speaking in front of the UN, proclaiming that feminism is misunderstood, and using her fame to make it mainstream, was a big deal for gender equality.

But chances are that it didn’t get through to everyone. An online marketing group “Rantic Marketing,” created an elaborate hoax that threatened to release nude pictures of Emma Watson. Although this was a hoax, it wasn’t fully harmless, as it still used the threat of a highly unconsensual act to get its point across. The resident male misogynists of 4Chan have already shown us how dangerous they are to the fight for gender equality, and this hoax was utterly unnecessary.

We’ve learned the obnoxious way that most men don’t like being called out on their privilege, words, or actions. They get defensive, upset, and angry. Relating with men has always been one of feminism’s hardest struggles. How can women equalize gender disparities if men aren’t willing to let go of the power they hold from being born in an oppressive society?

Emma Watson did the diplomatic thing. She called for men to take action. She framed it in a way that made it clear that men, too, suffer from the consequences of misogyny. She shared the hopes and dreams of mainstream feminism, and the men of the world mostly listened.

But feminism can’t always have a woman who spent her teenage years working for one of the world’s most successful film franchises as its spokesperson.

In our everyday encounters, the spokespeople of feminism are members of your social groups, your family, or your campus. The average spokesperson of feminism isn’t someone who you spent years watching and reading about, and they definitely can’t deliver a powerful speech every time you screw up.

We’re all brought up in a sexist society, and in one way or another, we have all perpetuated it. It can be anything from using sexist language while playing video games to slut-shaming and victim-blaming. It’s so pervasive that at times it seems normal, and that’s the most concerning thing about it.

Women and feminist men don’t want to be the ones who tell you to “stop saying that” every single time. We don’t want to turn your “joke” into a lesson about sexism. But, for the sake of creating a better society, we have to. Every time we don’t, we feel guilty for letting yet another microagression rest unchallenged.

Feminist activists, who constantly stand up for us, get understandably frustrated and angry with the lack of cooperation from people who reject feminism without taking the time to understand it. Feminists are often mocked for being angry and “man-hating,” but the only reason they bother to express their rage is because they know you can do better.

You may be tired of feminists calling you out on every little thing, but trust me, we’re tired of it, too.