Sugar daddies vs. salt daddies
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By: Barbara Anang
Some girls dream of financial independence, others dream of academic pursuits. And some girls, like me, dream of falling into the arms of a wealthy gentleman and having their every whim come true. This dream of a wealthy gentleman can be a reality for many college students, male or female, but venturing into the world of sugaring (sugar babies and sugar daddies) raises questions of morality. Are you an escort? A companion? Have you sold your soul for a little or a lot of financial relief? What constitutes a sugar baby and sugar daddy relationship, and what do you do when sugar turns to salt? The sugar culture is one that has reached Hamilton, but with a tangier taste than most of its participants desire.
Map of the candy factory
A sugar daddy refers to a wealthy men who can afford to pay the price for an attractive companion or “arm candy.” These “daddies” treat their ladies to the finest that life can offer. They make promises to spoil them in exchange for just a few days of their time each month. Other daddies promise trips with all expenses paid, claiming all that they want is someone to spend time with them while they’re away from home. These are sugar-babies who do not sleep with their sugar daddies. Daddies in these situations say that intimacy isn’t expected, but of course is desired — that’s how a mutually beneficial relationship works, right? Having a sugar relationship isn’t for everyone, but if you know what you’re looking for and can come to an agreement, the relationship can be one that is actually positive for both parties.
When you look at websites geared to sugar babies, daddies and mamas, many local profiles state they do not want a stripper or a professional (to put it bluntly, no prostitution or solicitation is allowed). But the reality in the Steel City is that many of these men are actually salt daddies. They present themselves on websites as having wealth, they claim they are willing to negotiate an allowance and help with bills and expenses, but what they’re really looking for is an affair or paid sex with the “girl next door.”
Now that’s not to say that there aren’t sugar babies who are still able to reap the rewards of having a benefactor. With many salt daddies slipping through the cracks, it takes a keen eye to find the right situation that works for you.
Dear Old Salt Daddy
My personal experience as a wannabe sugar baby, was unfortunately more sour than sweet. Not only was it not financially rewarding, it caused me to question my worth in the eyes of men, the poor and rich alike. I don’t have the “western standard of beauty” and that wasn’t a problem when it came to attracting a “potential.” The issue for me was the fetishization of my identity. I shared my thoughts with an acquaintance and they said, “What did you expect?” The reality is men objectify you, and that’s why you’re there. I suppose I just expected that rich men would want to take me out to charity events, the theatre and classy places I can’t normally afford. I forgot that I have the aesthetic that raises eyebrows when I walk into a room with a middle-aged wealthy man. Since the men in the Steel City are actually salt daddies, they’re looking for someone who won’t draw too much attention and cause whispers and raised eyebrows. Salt daddies aren’t really looking to spoil you; they want to pay you a stipend for your use. They might want to dominate you or they might want to be dominated. Either way, the slick ones will make you forget that you hold the power. You’re the one who can choose to back out.
Getting into the sugar game
After experiencing the pitfalls of getting into a situation that was candy-coated, I have some pointers on how to make sure you’re getting the relationship you want. A great option for wannabe sugars babies is to freestyle. What this means is you rely on “chance” to meet a potential by frequenting places where wealthy men go. Upscale bars, charity galas and sporting events are great examples of where you may find your potential. How do you make a connection like that? Older gentlemen don’t often expect the attention of younger women so once they find out they’ve caught your eye, if they’re interested, they’ll approach you and buy you a drink. Sometimes you’ll have to make the first move. If this is the case, the most effective thing to do is to hand him your business card with a legitimate or made-up occupation and he’ll call if interested. After that, it’s up to you to set the terms of your arrangement.
If being a sugar baby is considered working in the sex industry (and to some there’s no doubt that it is), some could argue that it is empowering — women dictating their own terms and benefiting from their charms. There are women who might argue that there’s nothing wrong with dating someone wealthy, and likely older, because it is much more fulfilling than dating someone their own age and ending up with a broken heart. Another group of women might say that it’s degrading and women are selling their bodies to the highest bidder. It’s simply a matter of perspective.
Overall I didn’t have a terrible experience. I went to dinner, had drinks and wonderful conversations until I realized that these men couldn’t afford my company and having sex with them was definitely out of the question (a wise friend once told me, “pussy sells for thousands”). I would definitely try it again, but probably somewhere in Europe or the USA where the sugar culture is much larger and an industry in and of itself. Being paid enough to forgo student loans and a part-time job still sounds wonderful, but maybe it’s time for me to try my hand at being a financial dominatrix instead.
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