Loving yourself and your body is one of the first step to a steady relationship with your partner
Everyone says love is beyond your looks. But this is often easier said than done for many of us who struggle with our body image, particularly in a world of social media.
Body image tends to be connected to self-worth. Being in relationships often causes us to feel vulnerable and self-conscious about our bodies. In some cases, it prevents people from seeking out relationships as they tend to magnify the difficulties and insecurities they may have.
“You can’t love someone else until you love yourself first,” is a common saying we have heard many times — but is this true? This study from 2016 concluded people who were happier with their body tend to have better romantic relationships compared to those who were dissatisfied. Individuals who struggled with their body image reported having more anxious and fearful attachment styles. Overall, though, of the 12,176 participants in the study, only 24 per cent of men and 20 per cent of women reported being satisfied with their appearance.
Katie McCrindle is a registered social worker, body liberation counsellor and activist who works with women and non-binary folks to improve their relationship with themselves. She aspires to create a world where people of all sizes are confident and are in a place of self-acceptance.
“If they're not feeling worthy, or good, then they start to doubt the relationship,” explained McCrindle.
Once they start to become unconfident, their thoughts can spiral down a rabbit hole as it causes them to feel displeased about their bodies and themselves in general. This is especially prominent during intimate moments when people are especially vulnerable and exposed.
“Especially when people are contemplating having sex, I think that is a huge part that impacts body image and how you feel about yourself [by] being in that vulnerable position. It's vulnerable to being naked in front of somebody,” said McCrindle.
“Especially when people are contemplating having sex, I think that is a huge part that impacts body image and how you feel about yourself [by] being in that vulnerable position. It's vulnerable to being naked in front of somebody.”
Katie McCrindle, registered social worker
Having low self-confidence in their appearance can make people more anxious in their relationship and fear that their partner will leave them. The main reason for this may be due to societal pressures and social media.
On social media, the “ideal” woman is curvy with full lips, perfect skin, white teeth and tanned skin. For men, the “ideal” is to have abs, broad shoulders, be over 6 feet and have defined muscles. Realistically, only very few individuals can check off all of these — and that is okay.
Body positivity is important because not only will it improve everyone’s self-confidence, but it will also strengthen everyone’s relationships, whether they are romantic or not. In short, body positivity is accepting all bodies, no matter their race, size, gender or anything else.
“I usually start with body image. [I help] people to learn more self-compassion for those kinds of thoughts and feelings about [their] body because it's pretty normal to have difficult emotions about one's body,” said McCrindle.
“I usually start with body image. [I help] people to learn more self-compassion for those kinds of thoughts and feelings about [their] body because it's pretty normal to have difficult emotions about one's body.”
Katie McCrindle, registered social worker
It is okay if you can’t love everything about yourself. It takes time and patience, but it is important to remember that you will always be there for yourself.
C/O Sasha Freemind, Unsplash
How to navigate societal norms as a woman and embrace the person you are
There have been many points in my life where I questioned my capabilities simply for being a woman. I remember as a kid life’s possibilities felt endless and I was not the cookie-cutter version of society's eight-year-old girl. I loved getting aggressive on the field with the boys while playing Manhunt, I chose Pokemon cards over jump-rope at recess and I simply did not care about looks or my poise.
It wasn’t until I slowly started realizing I was not fitting society's mold and if I didn’t change myself to fit into it, I would be seen as less worthy. I began sitting on the sidelines watching the boys play Manhunt, I traded the Pokemon cards for the jump-rope and I started focusing on my looks and mannerisms. I started becoming more fragile and shy and avoided raising my voice.
In a period of time when I faced so much confusion, my second grade teacher was the only one who gave me clarity. He loved to read and write, specifically poems, and showed me that anyone could do what they wanted if they tried. He taught me that nothing can hold you back.
I was still intimidated by the notion of using my own voice and creating something with my mind, but I still pushed myself. Years later in high school, the pressure of being a woman — as depicted by society — grew in intensity. From navigating relationships, adjusting to cliques and figuring out what to do after high school, the only thing keeping me grounded was writing.
Writing helped me use my voice. I had the freedom to write about anything I wanted to. While writing, I did not feel what I felt as a result of society’s influence and messaging about women — small.
While writing, I did not feel what I felt as a result of society’s influence and messaging about women — small.
ANA MAMULA, OPINIONS STAFF WRITER
Through growing up in a society that believes women should be viewed as fragile, nurturing and sensitive, it becomes hard to believe in yourself and find your own independence. We feel as though we have to turn down our true selves or tie our identities to something else to simply fit in.
For example, Canadian women gained the right to vote in 1960. In fact, the pandemic has rolled back women’s employment rates in Ontario to the same levels as 1944. Today, for every 100 men promoted and hired to a manager position, only 72 women are promoted and hired for the same role and for women of colour, that number is even lower, with 68 latina women and 58 black women being promoted in comparison.
It is hard to feel powerful and independent when society tells you to be the complete opposite, yet praises men for their bravery and boldness.
It is hard to feel powerful and independent when society tells you to be the complete opposite, yet praises men for their bravery and boldness.
ana mamula, opinions staff writer
My advice to any woman who feels belittled or smaller than they are is to believe in themselves. As cheesy as it may sound, every woman will be knocked down plenty of times in their life. People will question their skills and strength but as long as you have your own back, that's all that matters.
Moving with confidence and truly investing in yourself is what makes a strong independent woman. Be there for other women, work hard and the only person you truly have to prove anything to is you and no one else.
If not for my second grade teacher showing me everything I could gain from writing and teaching me the importance of valuing what I want to do, I would not be as confident in myself as I am today.
It is important to have inspirational women around you and to do what you love, take time for yourself, learn what gives you that feeling of freedom and run with it. Anyone is capable of doing whatever they please; it is all about confidence and believing in yourself.
Miranda Babbitt
Assistant LifeStyle Editor
There are a handful of people I know who could just barely fit all of their underwear into two, maybe three drawers. To me, this appeared clinically insane. How on earth did any one person have so many bras and underwear that they could hypothetically go for two months without ever doing their laundry? What’s more, how could someone choose six pairs of undies over a charming little dress, or a cardigan so soft it feels like a kitten perpetually hugging you? And last but not least, why would I choose a rib-constricting garment that artificially endows me with a chest that appears freakishly larger than it did a minute before?
But I know the secret these people were harboring now: wearing beautiful underwear can be the stealthiest confidence boost you can ever experience.
Maybe that sentence carries more weight than intended. There are plenty of ways to inject some pep into that step. For some, it’s dabbing on red lipstick, or slipping into a dress reserved for happy occasions, or even stowing away your favourite chocolate bar in your purse for later. Regardless, the business of beautiful undergarments will never again be underestimated.
There’s an intrinsic sense of liberty that comes with wearing something for you alone. For example, it may look like you’re wearing a grey sweat suit with a spaghetti stain or two, but secretly, you’re wearing a dainty pair of polka dot undies. Who knew? Just you. And that’s sometimes all that matters.
Our outward perception of who we are affects how we feel. If you’re crumpled up in a ball, you’ll feel helpless. If you’re standing tall with your hands on your hips, you’ll feel powerful. If you’re wearing sexy underwear, you can feel sexy.
It took me a while to recognize that the word “sexy” isn’t limited to the runways of Victoria’s Secret. When I feel sexy, I’m in a place of self-confidence. So no wonder we associate sexiness with the angels walking down the runways. The way they prance down that glittered stretch of a platform above a star struck audience is almost in-your-face with confidence. But imagine if they were tiptoeing down the runway and looking down at their feet with unease. Chances are even the adoring fans in the audience wouldn’t consider them sexy, no matter how impossibly sculpted their bodies are.
If confidence comes from a pair of undies detailed in lavender lace or red lipstick or even just a slip of paper stowed in your purse with a few reminders of how great you are, then know that about yourself. You will feel so much more than just sexy with confidence.
