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By: Barbara Anang
Some girls dream of financial independence, others dream of academic pursuits. And some girls, like me, dream of falling into the arms of a wealthy gentleman and having their every whim come true. This dream of a wealthy gentleman can be a reality for many college students, male or female, but venturing into the world of sugaring (sugar babies and sugar daddies) raises questions of morality. Are you an escort? A companion? Have you sold your soul for a little or a lot of financial relief? What constitutes a sugar baby and sugar daddy relationship, and what do you do when sugar turns to salt? The sugar culture is one that has reached Hamilton, but with a tangier taste than most of its participants desire.
Map of the candy factory
A sugar daddy refers to a wealthy men who can afford to pay the price for an attractive companion or “arm candy.” These “daddies” treat their ladies to the finest that life can offer. They make promises to spoil them in exchange for just a few days of their time each month. Other daddies promise trips with all expenses paid, claiming all that they want is someone to spend time with them while they’re away from home. These are sugar-babies who do not sleep with their sugar daddies. Daddies in these situations say that intimacy isn’t expected, but of course is desired — that’s how a mutually beneficial relationship works, right? Having a sugar relationship isn’t for everyone, but if you know what you’re looking for and can come to an agreement, the relationship can be one that is actually positive for both parties.
When you look at websites geared to sugar babies, daddies and mamas, many local profiles state they do not want a stripper or a professional (to put it bluntly, no prostitution or solicitation is allowed). But the reality in the Steel City is that many of these men are actually salt daddies. They present themselves on websites as having wealth, they claim they are willing to negotiate an allowance and help with bills and expenses, but what they’re really looking for is an affair or paid sex with the “girl next door.”
Now that’s not to say that there aren’t sugar babies who are still able to reap the rewards of having a benefactor. With many salt daddies slipping through the cracks, it takes a keen eye to find the right situation that works for you.
Dear Old Salt Daddy
My personal experience as a wannabe sugar baby, was unfortunately more sour than sweet. Not only was it not financially rewarding, it caused me to question my worth in the eyes of men, the poor and rich alike. I don’t have the “western standard of beauty” and that wasn’t a problem when it came to attracting a “potential.” The issue for me was the fetishization of my identity. I shared my thoughts with an acquaintance and they said, “What did you expect?” The reality is men objectify you, and that’s why you’re there. I suppose I just expected that rich men would want to take me out to charity events, the theatre and classy places I can’t normally afford. I forgot that I have the aesthetic that raises eyebrows when I walk into a room with a middle-aged wealthy man. Since the men in the Steel City are actually salt daddies, they’re looking for someone who won’t draw too much attention and cause whispers and raised eyebrows. Salt daddies aren’t really looking to spoil you; they want to pay you a stipend for your use. They might want to dominate you or they might want to be dominated. Either way, the slick ones will make you forget that you hold the power. You’re the one who can choose to back out.
Getting into the sugar game
After experiencing the pitfalls of getting into a situation that was candy-coated, I have some pointers on how to make sure you’re getting the relationship you want. A great option for wannabe sugars babies is to freestyle. What this means is you rely on “chance” to meet a potential by frequenting places where wealthy men go. Upscale bars, charity galas and sporting events are great examples of where you may find your potential. How do you make a connection like that? Older gentlemen don’t often expect the attention of younger women so once they find out they’ve caught your eye, if they’re interested, they’ll approach you and buy you a drink. Sometimes you’ll have to make the first move. If this is the case, the most effective thing to do is to hand him your business card with a legitimate or made-up occupation and he’ll call if interested. After that, it’s up to you to set the terms of your arrangement.
If being a sugar baby is considered working in the sex industry (and to some there’s no doubt that it is), some could argue that it is empowering — women dictating their own terms and benefiting from their charms. There are women who might argue that there’s nothing wrong with dating someone wealthy, and likely older, because it is much more fulfilling than dating someone their own age and ending up with a broken heart. Another group of women might say that it’s degrading and women are selling their bodies to the highest bidder. It’s simply a matter of perspective.
Overall I didn’t have a terrible experience. I went to dinner, had drinks and wonderful conversations until I realized that these men couldn’t afford my company and having sex with them was definitely out of the question (a wise friend once told me, “pussy sells for thousands”). I would definitely try it again, but probably somewhere in Europe or the USA where the sugar culture is much larger and an industry in and of itself. Being paid enough to forgo student loans and a part-time job still sounds wonderful, but maybe it’s time for me to try my hand at being a financial dominatrix instead.
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By: Sasha Dhesi
Sex work isn’t something you would traditionally associate with a university campus. More often than not, sex work is considered a “dirty” way of making quick money. However, evidence has shown that in places like the UK, approximately 3-4 percent of students do sex work to pay for tuition. The same study found that a majority of students are aware that some of their classmates use sex work to pay fees, and that most understand the sentiment behind those who work in the sex industry. When asked why they believed people go into sex work, most students cited financial need, sexuality and personal situations as the main reasons. But despite its unspoken prevalence, there are very still very few discussions of sex work on campus, especially at McMaster and other Canadian universities.
What exactly is sex work? According to the World Health Organization, sex work is defined simply as “the provision of sexual services in exchange for money or goods.” This broad definition includes services such as stripping, escorting, pornographers, sugar babies (see page 8) and so on. These jobs are notorious for their high pay — local escorting agency Platinum Models charges up to $300 per hour in Hamilton, and $350 per hour in Toronto. With high pay and low hours, it isn’t difficult to see why sex work would be attractive to a student with a full course load when OSAP money doesn’t come through.
If one wanted to learn more about sex work, the most logical person to ask would be a sex worker. I recently had the pleasure of interviewing former escort, August, a student here at McMaster who quit his work a few weeks ago. August worked as a gay escort on his own for about a year half, working full force — a minimum of three people a week.
I could probably pay my tuition off in about two weeks.
How did you get involved in escorting?
When I turned 19, my friends took me to the casino for the first time. Before this, I never did anything of that sort. After being introduced to the casino, I spiraled out of control. I’d sneak out at night with my mom’s credit card, $10 or $20 – just anything I could get my hands on, trying to win something. It got to the point where I got fired from my actual job and spent all my savings. I realized that I needed a way to fuel my addiction. So I asked a friend who’d worked as an escort through an agency. I posted an ad online and received a lot of feedback, and met up with my first client.
Could you describe your first experience?
To be honest, I don’t remember it very well. What I do remember is how easy it came to me, almost second nature. I didn’t feel like I was faking it. It blew my mind at how much money I’d made, like “oh my god, I made $500 for something I’d do for free.” The guy was good-looking too! Most of the guys I met up with were attractive, older men in their 30s and 40s. Since I wasn’t working through an agency, I was never obligated to service someone I didn’t want to. From there, I was able to fuel my addiction even more. At the time, I knew I was out of control and damaging myself, but while I was gambling and escorting I didn’t think about it.
How much would you make?
In a good week, I would make $3000. A bad week, around $2000. I could probably pay my tuition off in about two weeks. In total, I made about $85,000. I spent almost of all of it at the casino – I currently have about $700 in my bank account.
You mentioned earlier that your clients were older gentlemen. What were they like?
Because I wasn’t going through an agency, I was able to personally screen my clients. We would usually talk for about a day, find out any commonalities, and then meet the next day. It was never a straight hook-up. We’d usually go out for dinner or drinks. It was kind of like a little fantasy, almost like being famous. I personally would never go out for $100 seafood, but if this guy wanted to pay for that and pay for my company, why not? The meetings were always a “starter” at the restaurant, “entrée” of getting drinks, and “dessert” when we go back to the hotel room. I was usually with these men for about three hours. The actual sex was mostly foreplay. I only had penetrative sex once, actually. I made it very clear what I would and wouldn’t do, and never had to do anything I wasn’t comfortable doing.
What would you say was your scariest encounter?
This one time two months ago, a guy picked me up in his pickup truck. He looked nothing like his photos and I was scared. Before we got onto the highway I asked him to stop at the bank. As soon as he stopped the car, I ran all the way home. He chased me until I got into the bushes and lost him. Since he’d given me half the money he began harassing me online and I had to block him on everything.
So how were you usually paid?
Always cash! I made the mistake of accepting a cheque early on and had to go through the horrors of a cheque bouncing. Since I had just started, I had no money in my account and was in the negatives for about a month. I used scare tactics (“I have a pimp, I’m not messing around”) to get the guy to actually pay me. So, since then, it’s strictly been cash.
Did you know any other escorts? A sort of community? Any safeguards?
It was just me, on my own. I would give my friend the name of my client and the address of where we were going, but little else.
Are there any differences between escorting as a gay man versus a straight woman, the more common narrative in this line of work?
Oh, definitely. Being a gay escort is very competitive, and tends to be very niche. Since I’m younger and slimmer, I would only attract those who are into that certain look. For women, the general consensus is to be thin. I was what they call a “twink” — slim, hairless, young-looking. There’s also a pervasive fear as a gay escort that the client is actually a homophobe who wants to kill you — a fear that women may not have.
So what finally made you stop?
Well, someone got in a fight with my mom and told her that her son is online and an escort. My mom didn’t even know that I’m gay, so you can imagine how shocking it was for her to find out that I was a gay escort as well. What scared me more than anything was learning that people I knew were aware of my work, and that my private life was now public. Whoever exposed me was most likely a friend, someone who talked to me everyday. It ended up being a wake up call and I figured it was time to stop. I haven’t escorted since December.
Being a gay escort is very competitive, and tends to be very niche.
Sex work is nuanced. People get into it for a myriad of reasons. Some, like the infamous Sasha Grey, got into it out of a desire for a career in the industry. Some, like August, saw it as a way to fuel their addiction. Ultimately, it is unfair to paint the industry and its participants’ motives with a broad brush. Before we can come to any sort of consensus to the morality and ethics of sex work, we should probably talk to those whom it actually affects: sex workers.
*Name changed for privacy
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