Dear Feet,

Why must you carry me so swiftly? You move by your own volition, not mine, at a rate that far exceeds that of the people ahead of me. I understand your need to get from A to B while keeping t as low as possible but there are other variables to consider. The physics breaks down when the wall of people in front of us won’t.

Feet, we’ve been through a lot. Grass, sand, pavement, if it’s a surface for walking on, we’ve been there together. We’ve been running and jumping and often falling, so you know how tired you can be. Try, feet, please try to understand that other people’s might be too. That’s why they seem to be slogging along at an inhumanly slow pace. It is not out of calculated cruelty they make us late for Math, or premeditated malevolence that they keep us from Philosophy; I am certain they’re merely tired.

And feet, you’re going to have to be patient, because there’s a lot about us humans you don’t understand. We’re social creatures, you know. So don’t tap anxiously when that gaggle of girls is clogging the hallway of TSH, or fidget back and forth when that group of guys keeps shoving each other in CNH. And sure, it is tempting to be annoyed with that person ahead of us texting in the stairwell, but I’m sure it’s really important or else they wouldn’t be that inconsiderate. You’re going to have to trust me on this. Like you always have, you’ll have to support me.

So feet, I know ‘looking’ and ‘up’ aren’t really your duties, but you’ll have to do both, because the speed of people on sidewalks is as low as you are. Gridlock on the quad isn’t going anywhere, and neither are we at this pace, but it’s here to stay.

The beaten path is crowded, so explore the grass. Bushwhack through Faculty Hollow because the McMaster Arch is the arch-nemesis of getting somewhere fast. Find backdoor entrances, hallways, routes less taken.

I know you want to take me to class, but take things in stride.

Be a little more kind to those whose feet are less hurried than you, they are harried enough.

Don’t think ‘dawdle,’ think ‘perambulate’ - it’s nicer.

Your solemate,
A Fast Walker

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