While having friends on campus contributes to a great university experience, there are a multitude of benefits to maintaining long distance friendships across universities  

The pandemic greatly impacted how students make friendships during their university careers. According to Reddit user u/Bbso1229, “COVID took that friendship building experience away from me and everyone else in my first year.” They further elaborated that although extroverted, they have difficulty creating friendships due to pre-established friend groups formed during the pandemic.     

Some McMaster students have noticed the similar struggles that are faced by commuter students and have created the McMaster Society for Off-Campus Students. This society aims to cater to the needs of commuter students and helps them feel included within the McMaster community. McMaster SOCS aims to help commuter students form friendships with those who can relate to their experiences.  

Unfortunately, for commuter students or individuals who choose to live off-campus during their first year, the experience of u/Bbso1229 is much more commonly shared than you may think. It is difficult for individuals to make friends during a time of limited social interaction. It proves even more complicated when most of the individuals they interact with on campus have their own established friend groups.   

As a former commuter student myself, it has been difficult to make friends with peers during undergrad. This especially rings true if you are attending a different university than your high school peers. On a positive note, the difficulty of making new friendships during the pandemic has lead to some creating stronger bonds within pre-existing friendships. Many individuals, including myself, have turned to childhood friendships for support.

As a former commuter student myself, it has been difficult for students such as myself to make friends with peers during undergrad.

Though distance may make it seem difficult to maintain old friendships, one of the largest benefits of possessing a friendship with a student who attends another university is the professional opportunities, such as research opportunities or jobs, that it could expose you. While McMaster is a research-intensive institute, it could sometimes be difficult for students to secure a position due to the popularity of student-sought research opportunities.  

Fortunately, expanding your friend group can also expand your network; your friends could introduce you to their network, thus giving you access to more connections.

Fortunately, expanding your friend group can also expand your network; your friends could introduce you to their network, thus giving you access to more connections.

With an expanded network, students have many more opportunities to connect with individuals who are researching or working in the student’s subject of interest. Although this may sound difficult to accomplish since you do not attend that university, your friend’s own network is now shared with you, allowing you to also explore the potential connections within their network.  

Additionally, inter-university friendships do not necessarily result in the same degree of competition between friends and instead spark encouragement due to the lack of similarity in work. Since courses are not structured identically across universities, the variance in coursework downregulates a competitive nature in students. It can be difficult to compare yourself to your friend when you are following a different course breakdown.  

It can be difficult to compare yourself to your friend when you are following a different course breakdown.  

Although having a friend group at your university can better integrate you into the community and make you feel at home where you study, it certainly does not hurt to expand your network to different universities. With the numerous benefits of having friends living far from you, it may be best to rekindle the childhood friendships that may have fell apart since beginning university.      

Photo by Aaron de Jesus

By: Elliot Fung

In January 2019, McMaster Security Services announced an update to their mobile safety app, allowing students to receive safety alert notifications and information about campus safety resources.

The app, which was developed in partnership with both McMaster and the McMaster Students Union, provides a centralised location for contact information for a multitude of emergency and non-emergency safety services.

In 2013, McMaster Security Services released an application that included the capacity to easily contact emergency services, the MSU Emergency First Response Team and request the MSU Student Walk Home Attendant Team.

In addition, users could access transit information, the university’s emergency protocols and live alerts.

The 2019 update includes many of the previous features and adds new ones.

However, the new app has omitted information about EFRT and transit.

Among the app’s new noteworthy features includes a “Friend Walk” option that allows students to watch their friends as they travel home.

Friend Walk allows a user to send their real-time location to a friend. The user picks a friend to send their location to via SMS or email and then initiates a walk and chooses a destination.

If the user is under duress, they have to option to notify their friend and start an emergency call. If either the user or the friend disconnects from the walk, an option to contact emergency services will appear on the screen.

According to a McMaster Daily News article about the app update, “Friend Walk” serves to enhance the on-campus SWHAT service, which provides students with the ability to walk to a destination with the company of two attendants.

Another notable feature of the app is a crime map.

The map displays the location and dates of recent crimes in Hamilton and the area surrounding McMaster.

Crimes displayed include categories like auto-theft, car burglary and residential burglary.

The app also features a section about student support services, where users can access information about various student supports on-campus including the McMaster Equity and Inclusion Office, sexual violence support, and McMaster Wellness Centre.

Users can also email facility services to report an issue.

However, according to the “On-Campus Infrastructure Policy Paper” passed by the MSU Student Representative Assembly in Nov. 2018, the process of submitting a work order for a repair of infrastructure is still meticulous and unavailable to off-campus students.

The safety app is an improvement to the outdated safety app that was implemented in 2013.

The McMaster Security Services website characterizes the app as a ‘must have’ that contains valuable features and information.

However, it appears the app may not do a great deal to improve students’ experiences.

During the 2017-2018 academic year, the MSU proposed a variety of suggestions for increasing student safety on and off campus and improving the university’s response via the university’s sexual violence prevention and response policy.

As it stands, the university has yet to implement these recommendations and make improvements to these resources.

Among the recommendations relating to infrastructure in the policy paper were increasing the number of red assistance phones and improving lighting on campus and in the surrounding housing areas.

The newly updated safety app does not ensure these larger recommendations are implemented, only consolidating information that is already available online.

In addition, while students can use the app to access information about sexual violence support at McMaster, they also cannot do much beyond that to improve their experience and safety.

More information about the safety app can be found at https://security.mcmaster.ca/crime_prevention_safetyapp.html.

 

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By: Sasha Dhesi

Recently an old classmate sent me a private message to wish me a happy birthday. The message reminded me of how I felt when our friendship petered out. We had a similar sense of humour and shared mutual interests, but as time went on, we found that although we still enjoyed each other’s company, we weren’t running in the same social or professional circles, and fell out of touch. I struggled with losing her, especially because, for all intents and purposes, we were still friends. How was I supposed to deal with our relationship just dying like that? What does it say about us that our relationship ended?

There’s a lot of pressure during your early 20s to find that group of friends that will follow you throughout your life. We’re taught that these are the most important years in our lives to build relationships that last. Every once in awhile, this manifests on anonymous posts, like on Spotted at Mac, where an unnamed upper year stresses over not having a clique despite being at the school for multiple years. While this sentiment is understandable, there are legitimate reasons to why you should occasionally let a relationship die, as opposed to working to save it.

There is nothing wrong with hoping that your social circle will follow you through life; the problem is failing to comprehend that you and those around you are going to change. The person you’re going to be one year from now is going to have different expectations and needs than the person you are this year. Sometimes the people in your life change with you, but more often than not, they diverge onto their own paths and can’t give you what you need.

By going into a relationship with the assumption that it’s going to last a very long time, you project your own needs and desires onto a person, which they may not share. In doing so, you stop treating people as people, and instead as objects to satisfy what you imagine your future should look like. Not only is this unfair to your partner, but it’s unfair to you. You should be in a relationship with someone who wants to give you what you need, as opposed to waiting for someone else to change.

Likewise, by assuming you have to remain in a relationship with someone, you run the risk of remaining in a harmful relationship. You are always going to change, but some people may not want you to. My eighth-grade orchestra teacher liked to tell us that “misery loves company.” Although he just meant we should avoid kids who skip band practice, it still struck a chord with me. Every so often, you will run into people who promote unhealthy behaviour and will want you to conform to their desires even if it hurts you.

A lot of people in university feel pressured to stay in these sorts of relationships because they believe that they’ll lose out on that ideal group of friends you hear about in shows like Friends and How I Met Your Mother. But these are the exception to the rule, and in the case of TV shows, completely made up. Chances are, you’re not going to meet your best friend or true love during your first year of university. You’re probably not going to meet them for a very long time, actually. Psychologically speaking, the brain doesn’t finish maturing until you’re 25, if not later. This is particularly true of the critical decision-making portion of the brain. By this standard, you’re not going to be ready to make any long-term decisions until you’re at least two to three years out of your undergraduate degree.

By going into a relationship with the assumption that it’s going to last a very long time, you project your own needs and desires onto a person, which they may not share. In doing so, you stop treating people as people, and instead as objects to satisfy what you imagine your future should look like. 

So where does that leave us? Should you just treat every relationship as casual? The best way to balance your desire to change with your relationships is to let your relationships die when they need to. There will be times when someone you used to speak to everyday stops responding to your texts. There will also be times when you begin to dread going certain places because you have to see this person.

The key to maintaining everyone’s dignity and self-respect during these instances is to understand that it’s completely normal for relationships to die during this time in our lives. Be clear about your intentions with someone, and let them know if you’re not happy or satisfied with your relationship. From here, you can either work on your relationship or end it.

We are going through monumental changes, and different circumstances can mean different people are needed in your life. Some people may not be emotionally equipped to handle what you’re going through and vice versa. Treat this as a moment for self-reflection and not as a personal failure.

As for my friend and I, we’re still on good terms. Our relationship may have fizzled out, but it doesn’t mean that we don’t care about each other. What it ultimately says about us is that we were mature enough to understand that we grew apart. You will meet a lot of people and many of your relationships will die. It’s not a negative reflection on either of you, but a reflection of growth. Just make sure you wish them a happy birthday, at the very least.

Photo Credit: Matt Mullenweg

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Ana Qarri / Silhouette Staff

 

Dear Friend,

Between the workload and the complaining about the workload, I often forget to appreciate your existence. So I’d like to do that now.

I’m thankful that at this very moment you exist. I’m thankful that your existence overlaps with mine, in such a way that your existence makes mine much less depressing.

You, friend, somehow find me to be a pleasant human being. You’ve listened to me talk about trivial and important things alike, and have at some point thought “Hey, this girl is cool.”

That thought right there might not seem like a big deal, but it is. It is the biggest of all deals.

In addition to tolerating my character on a daily basis, you also do nice things for me. You’ve brought me food during all-nighters. You’ve let me sleep in your room when the fear of being alone suddenly hit me on a Tuesday night. You’ve let me cry next to you after arguments and breakups and whatever else it is I do to make my life more complicated.

Not to get delusional here or anything, but it seems to me like you think I’m worth something, which is pretty cool of you.

But, the actual point of this letter is that I think I might be platonically in love with you. It’s the kind of love that is sustained with rare hang-out sessions and the occasional conversation on the way to class. I might not see you often these days, but know that the thought of you makes me smile, or laugh hysterically, or stop and acknowledge your beautiful existence.

Come here and give me a hug.

Love,

Your friend

Tarun Sanda / Silhouette Staff

“Hi, how are you?”

We hear this phrase countless times in our day. We could be delivering it, or be on the receiving end of it.

At times we have this interaction with acquaintances as we’re passing by one another, with barely enough time to stop and make eye contact and respond.

At times it seems like we’re all more focused on our phones than the people in front of us. This brings me to my question. When you come across someone and ask them how they are doing, or how their day went, do you really mean it?

When you’re on the receiving end of this question, are you answering truthfully?

The Super Bowl is less than two weeks away.

NFL fans across the globe are anticipating the conclusion to one of the most exciting post seasons in recent memory. However just a few months ago, the NFL and the sporting world was struck by tragedy.

Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Jovan Belcher shot his girlfriend, Kasandra Perkins, several times, drove to the team’s headquarters, ducked behind a car and put a bullet through his head. It was the seventh suicide of a current or former NFL player in the past two years.

“We’d just been together,” says Brady Quinn, now a Chiefs quarterback. “I’d just seen him and his girlfriend and his little girl, Zoey, at the stadium. We were talking about how she was doing, how cute she was.”

Many times we lose touch with our good friends. We are immersed in our own personal lives, and in turn make friends with the people who remain part of our busy day. Life goes on and friends change.

What if that’s only your side of the story?

What if your best friend in high school still has trouble replacing that close friend that was once you?

They could be dealing with something severe. Something they cannot share with someone they just met. They need a friend; they need you, but might not even reach out to you in the first place. They’d face every problem on their own. But it’s hard doing it alone.

Recently an old friend of mine had called me at 2 a.m. He was in tears. He told me his story. He told me how he tried to kill himself.

How he wanted the pain to stop.

I spoke to him till sunrise, and once I knew he was okay, I thanked him.

I could not imagine what might have happened had he not mustered the courage to pick up the phone and call me.

Nobody ever wants to be in a situation where you begin asking yourself: “Why didn’t he or she reach out to me?

Had I known I would have stopped everything and gone to them.”

You never know what’s going on with somebody. The look on their face can be deceiving. They may say they’re fine, but you may never know the truth.

What you can do is try to make a sincere effort to connect with people.

Take a minute out of your day to ask how someone’s day went.

The smallest things, be it a gentle smile while passing by or a simple wave across a lecture hall, can make someone feel noticed and respected.

Maybe that might keep them from doing something tragic, leaving you, and everyone else, filled with regret.

 

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