Loneliness in residence is the quiet reality for many students, but with just a little effort we can turn residence into a warm community
By: Dawn McKee, Opinion Contributor
Moving into residence at McMaster is like stepping into a whole new world. After years of high school where we had our routines, our circles and our comfort zones, the jump to university is a huge change. A lot of us come in expecting a busy social life, imagining new friends and endless hangouts.
But for many, it doesn’t always work out that way. In fact, residence could often feel more isolating than you’d expect.
From what I’ve seen, the social scene in residence isn’t as open as it seems. People tend to stick with their dormmates, or if they’re lucky with friends from high school. While that may work for them, it can leave others, especially those without pre-existing friendships, feeling left out.
From what I’ve seen, the social scene in residence isn’t as open as it seems. People tend to stick with their dormmates, or if they’re lucky with friends from high school.
Breaking into established groups tends to be hard. You might find yourself surrounded by people, yet still feel like an outsider. It’s one of those ironies where you’re in a place packed with students, yet the loneliness hits harder than ever.
And it’s not just a McMaster thing. University life in general has this invisible pressure to find your people right away.
There’s this underlying expectation that your college friends are supposed to be the ones who stick with you for life and if you haven’t found them yet, you’re somehow behind. But the truth is, friendships take time.
Not everyone clicks right away, and that’s completely normal. Yet, when you’re in that space of trying to find your place, it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one going through it. It seems like everyone around you has figured it out. They’ve got their group and their rhythm while you’re still struggling to break into the flow.
In reality, a lot of students feel the same way — they just don’t talk about it.
It’s like there’s a stigma around admitting that you’re lonely or having a tough time connecting. But if we could all be a little more open about the fact that university and residence life might not be what you expected, it would probably help a lot of people feel less isolated. The truth is no one really talks about the moments when you sit in your room wondering why the social scene isn’t coming together like you imagined.
It’s like there’s a stigma around admitting that you’re lonely or having a tough time connecting. But if we could all be a little more open about the fact that university and residence life might not be what you expected, it would probably help a lot of people feel less isolated.
So, what’s the fix?
I think universities in general can do more to help students connect in meaningful ways, not just through big events or loud parties. While those things are fun for some, they don’t always work for everyone.
What about smaller, low-pressure gatherings where you can get to know people? Events that go beyond your dorm floor or existing friend groups. Activities like casual game nights, crafting, or even coffee meet-ups — things where you would show up, be yourself, and talk to people without feeling forced or awkward.
At the same time, we as students can do more too. It’s easy to stick with what’s comfortable, to hang out with the same group every day, but it doesn’t hurt to be a little more open to new people. If you see someone who looks like they would want a friend, why not reach out? A simple “hey, want to join us?” can make a bigger difference than you think. Small gestures like that help break the barrier for someone who’s feeling on the outside.
At the same time, we as students can do more too. It’s easy to stick with what’s comfortable, to hang out with the same group every day, but it doesn’t hurt to be a little more open to new people.
The loneliness in residence is real, but it doesn’t have to be a permanent part of the experience. If we all would make just a little more effort to be inclusive, to step outside of our own comfort zones, residence life would be a lot more welcoming for everyone.
We might not fix everything overnight, but even small changes in how we approach friendships and socializing could start to make things better. At the end of the day, we’re all just trying to find our place. It’s a lot easier when we’re helping each other out along the way.
While having friends on campus contributes to a great university experience, there are a multitude of benefits to maintaining long distance friendships across universities
The pandemic greatly impacted how students make friendships during their university careers. According to Reddit user u/Bbso1229, “COVID took that friendship building experience away from me and everyone else in my first year.” They further elaborated that although extroverted, they have difficulty creating friendships due to pre-established friend groups formed during the pandemic.
Some McMaster students have noticed the similar struggles that are faced by commuter students and have created the McMaster Society for Off-Campus Students. This society aims to cater to the needs of commuter students and helps them feel included within the McMaster community. McMaster SOCS aims to help commuter students form friendships with those who can relate to their experiences.
Unfortunately, for commuter students or individuals who choose to live off-campus during their first year, the experience of u/Bbso1229 is much more commonly shared than you may think. It is difficult for individuals to make friends during a time of limited social interaction. It proves even more complicated when most of the individuals they interact with on campus have their own established friend groups.
As a former commuter student myself, it has been difficult to make friends with peers during undergrad. This especially rings true if you are attending a different university than your high school peers. On a positive note, the difficulty of making new friendships during the pandemic has lead to some creating stronger bonds within pre-existing friendships. Many individuals, including myself, have turned to childhood friendships for support.
As a former commuter student myself, it has been difficult for students such as myself to make friends with peers during undergrad.
Though distance may make it seem difficult to maintain old friendships, one of the largest benefits of possessing a friendship with a student who attends another university is the professional opportunities, such as research opportunities or jobs, that it could expose you. While McMaster is a research-intensive institute, it could sometimes be difficult for students to secure a position due to the popularity of student-sought research opportunities.
Fortunately, expanding your friend group can also expand your network; your friends could introduce you to their network, thus giving you access to more connections.
Fortunately, expanding your friend group can also expand your network; your friends could introduce you to their network, thus giving you access to more connections.
With an expanded network, students have many more opportunities to connect with individuals who are researching or working in the student’s subject of interest. Although this may sound difficult to accomplish since you do not attend that university, your friend’s own network is now shared with you, allowing you to also explore the potential connections within their network.
Additionally, inter-university friendships do not necessarily result in the same degree of competition between friends and instead spark encouragement due to the lack of similarity in work. Since courses are not structured identically across universities, the variance in coursework downregulates a competitive nature in students. It can be difficult to compare yourself to your friend when you are following a different course breakdown.
It can be difficult to compare yourself to your friend when you are following a different course breakdown.
Although having a friend group at your university can better integrate you into the community and make you feel at home where you study, it certainly does not hurt to expand your network to different universities. With the numerous benefits of having friends living far from you, it may be best to rekindle the childhood friendships that may have fell apart since beginning university.
By: Areej Ali
Nu Omega Zeta is a Black-focused sorority at McMaster that aims to support and enrich the Black community on campus and in Hamilton.
While the sorority was founded in September 2011, plans to launch Nu Omega Zeta were in the works months before the sorority’s founding date.
The seven Nu Omega Zeta founders first looked to Black Greek organizations in the United States, which provided a good perspective on how they should establish their own chapter.
For instance, today, the sorority pairs up new members with a ‘Big Sister’ who provides guidance and support.
The founding members first looked for an executive board and then created the symbols, guidelines and pillars that the sorority would stand for.
According to Eno Antai, the current president of Nu Omega Zeta, members do not need to identify as Black in order to join the sorority.
Nevertheless, the group is Black-focused, aspiring to “promote the growth and enrichment of Black undergraduate students and to enhance their education through the strengthening of the relationships within the Black community.”
In particular, Nu Omega Zeta stands for “Sisterhood, Volunteerism and Knowledge.”
Over the few years, members of the sorority have volunteered at Empowerment Squared, a Hamilton-based charity that seeks to empower marginalized and newcomer communities in Hamilton.
The sorority also runs campus events such as “Chance on Campus,” a one-day event that gives grade 10 and 11 students the opportunity to experience post-secondary life at McMaster and learn about the university’s organizations and academic and financial resources.
“When I look back and think why I wanted to join Nu Omega Zeta, I remember feeling very isolated and alone on campus in my first year,” said Gabriela Roberta, a member of the sorority.
“I had no intentions of joining a sorority. However, Nu Omega Zeta was the first and only organization to reach out to me and make me feel as though my fears are not only my own,” said Roberts.
Roberts added that the sorority immersed her in a community of women that truly understood her struggles and concerns.
She strongly feels that Nu Omega Zeta has been a transformative life experience.
For Jet'aime Fray, another member of Nu Omega Zeta, the sorority means sisterhood. Fray explains that the sorority has allowed for her to create long lasting friendships and has given her a unique opportunity to volunteer in Hamilton.
“In a society that refuses to acknowledge Black women, having a space that allows you to be unapologetically who you are and celebrates you is very needed,” said Antai, who feels that the space Nu Omega Zeta provides to acknowledge Black women is much needed and can give many students a home away from home.
Julianne Providence joined Nu Omega Zeta for precisely this reason.
“I saw it as a space where I could belong. I had seen the ladies on campus and admired the connections they had with each other,” said Providence.
Omega Zeta hosts a number of initiatives throughout the year, including rush events, parties, relationship summits, workshops, networking events about education and support in the Black community and a ‘World AIDS Day’ panel discussion.
Students interested in attending these events or becoming a part of the sorority can get more information on Nu Omega Zeta’s website.
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Ariel Garlow / The Silhouette
You call your friends up to make Saturday night plans. Lisa says she wants to go barhopping with you and Sara. Malcolm wants to grab coffee and a movie with you and Sara. Sara doesn’t want to go barhopping Saturday but still wants to see you and Lisa.
They all leave the task of sorting it all out to you.
They always leave it to you because you are least likely to start a fight about it. They trust your maturity and decision-making for a good night out. But when does trust become exploitative? Last week they trusted you to buy all the snacks for the party. The week before, they trusted you to have your parent’s car that weekend so everyone could go bowling out of town. When your phone isn’t on, they get mad at you. When you don’t call them back right after you leave campus, they are impatient.
What responsibilities do you own as a friend? But, the better question is, what responsibilities do they own? You are not a machine built for other humans to load their chores and conflicts upon. So why should you be afraid to stop and say, “I’m not the only one who needs to be mature here”?
You go through a tough breakup. Your ex-girlfriend is apparently taking it pretty badly but you cannot tell. They have been going out more, seeing more friends, enjoying their favourite books and hobbies. But people tell you that you broke her. She tells you that you’re a horrible, messed up person one morning on the phone. You are told that it is your responsibility to give her a clean break up, no threading her, no mixed emotions. Told she’s in a bad place and it’d be wrong to hurt her any more.
What responsibilities do we own as a lover, or ex-partner? But again, the question still pervades, what responsibilities do they own?
Make sure that those who truly love you understand that you, too, can be weighed down immeasurably by stress, heartbreak, loneliness; that you are not an island of responsibility but a purely fallible human much like the rest of the world. We all own responsibility, some just own up to it more than others.
