[feather_share show="twitter, google_plus, facebook, reddit, tumblr" hide="pinterest, linkedin, mail"]

Aquarius (Jan. 21 - Feb. 19):
If you had a dollar for every MSU/faculty event you were invited to on Facebook, you’d have nothing, because you have no friends and you deactivated Facebook.

Pisces (Feb. 20 - Mar. 20):
For St. Patrick’s Day, be sure to dress up as a drunk Irish fish. You are more connected to this day of the year than 99% of the people at the party.

Aries (March 21 - April 20):
As Drake sang, “It’s [your] birthday, [you’ll] get high if you want to.” You’ll write the shit out of your paper — that is to say, it will be shit.

Taurus (Apr. 21 - May 21):
Stop telling people you like the rain. Who do you think you are? The Weather Girls? It’s gross and damp and moist.

Gemini (May 22 - Jun. 21):
People asking about your thesis? Be sure to lie and say you’re screwed, because the conversation succumbs to an awkward death if you say you’re prepared.

Cancer (Jun. 22 - Jul. 23):
You were a victim of cuffing season and you’re about to get dropped like it’s hot. Better dig out that copy of Bridget Jones’ Diary.

Leo (July 24 - Aug. 23):
So you think wearing a sweatsuit to your test shows you’re funny and don’t give a crap? You know what they say – dress for the grade you want.

Virgo (Aug. 24 - Sept. 23):
Work work work work work work. You see me doing work work work work work. Something tells me Rihanna would make a great fortune teller.

Libra (Sept. 24 - Oct. 23):
For Battle of the Bands, be sure to bring a pan to the fight — they play it pretty loose with what counts as a percussion instrument.

Scorpio (Oct. 24 - Nov. 22):
Turns out you weren’t ready for the consequences of Super Tuesday, but you should have known that eating 20 pieces of KFC on Toonie Tuesday would make you sharf.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23 - Dec. 21):
Got a midterm coming up? Break a leg. Literally. It works even if you used your MSAF earlier this semester.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 20):
You’re quite similar to Steph Curry actually, in that you will consistently score threes … out of 12 on your courses.

[thesil_related_posts_sc]Related Posts[/thesil_related_posts_sc]

 

[adrotate banner="16"]

[feather_share show="twitter, google_plus, facebook, reddit, tumblr" hide="pinterest, linkedin, mail"]

Aquarius

(Jan. 21 - Feb. 19):

You are going to watch a cute dog video. You will find it hilarious and your day will be brightened. But this is a lie. You’re still going to fail your exam.

 

Pisces

(Feb. 20 - Mar. 20):

Don’t eat fish. It’s cannibalism and you’re going to have mad gas and diarrhea in your exam. And then you’ll be on Spotted @ Mac and your asshole friend is going to tag you.

 

Aries

(March 21 - April 20):

You are blessed with ability to cram this month. Please save all your studying for the 15 minutes before the test for maximum effect.

 

Taurus

(Apr. 21 - May 21):

Take a shower, not because it’s refreshing, but because you reek of sadness and failure. Also you smell like shit. Please have some consideration for the people around you.

 

Gemini

(May 22 - Jun. 21):

The gods are shining a warm light on you this month. Feel free to wear shorts and tank tops outside. It’s not cold. Your mind is simply still adjusting.

 

Cancer

(Jun. 22 - Jul. 23):

Now is definitely the time to pick up a new hobby or skill, like knitting scarves with pictures of cats or how to hack into the school system to set off all the fire alarms.

 

Leo 

(July 24 - Aug. 23):

People will be really empathetic for you this month. You should definitely just try crying on the floor outside your professor’s office.

 

Virgo 

(Aug. 24 - Sept. 23):

Your Netflix account is going to freeze. Maybe try “Study N’ Chill?” Nothing like some hard textbooks to get you sweating.

 

Libra

(Sept. 24 - Oct. 23):

Mind planet Mercury is in retrograde (or anterograde? I’m not sure) which means you’re going mess up on your test. Guess you’re out of luck.

 

Scorpio

(Oct. 24 - Nov. 22):

You love telling people that you’re screwed for exams when you’ve made all your notes. Please refrain from telling people this, not only because it makes you a douche, but also because someone’s gonna spit in your food.

 

Sagittarius 

(Nov. 23 - Dec. 21):

You actually still reading these? Christ, stop procrastinating. Get your shit together.

 

Capricorn

(Dec. 22 - Jan. 20):

Your computer’s going to break randomly and all your notes will be lost. Don’t bother trying to back your files up; your usb is also going to combust.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

[thesil_related_posts_sc]Related Posts[/thesil_related_posts_sc]