By: Julia Busatto
I used to be under the impression that the love of my life would be standing beside a keg waiting to fill my red solo cup with swamp water beer. He’d notice me although I was merely one in a sea of a thousand girls jammed into a tiny backyard. He’d stop getting “turnt” so he could actually remember my name the next morning, and text me although I refused to give up the goods on the first night. But if you’re looking for true love beside the keg, you’re probably looking in the wrong place. Red Solo Cups are called “solo” for a reason.
Finding true love at keggers is nearly impossible. Number one, it’s a kegger. The lighting is dark, the place is too crowded, the floor is sticky, and some girl just spilt her birthday cake vodka all over your DIY crop top. Romantic, right?
The first disadvantage is noise. I’ve tried holding substantial conversations with members of the opposite sex at keggers, and it proves to be a strenuous task. The EDM blaring in the background makes it impossible to block out the “unst” no matter how hard you try. Every so often the guy you’re talking to yells, “yo bro what’s up?” to guys passing by and they stop to engage in ritualistic manly greetings. Your vocals are in constant strain as you yell into his face, praying to god that you don’t spit.
The second disadvantage is environment. Keggers can be dark, dingy, and downright unflattering. Everyone is sweaty, and you constantly feel like throwing your elbows up to defend yourself from the shuffling crowds. It is hard to select a mate when you feel like everyone there has groped you. Not to mention, you feel like you have been cast into a pit of hungry vipers all waiting for the right girl to fall into their lap so they can take a bite. And the smell—yikes.
The third disadvantage is motives while drunk. I don’t want to make grotesque generalizations, but a lot of the men I’ve encountered at keggers aren’t thinking about taking me home to meet their mom, and vice versa. We’re just simply not interested in considering the person we meet at a kegger as a potential serious partner; they only seem like a temporary distraction that will keep us amused for the night. The environment is too causal and crazy, the people are too drunk, the beer too gross, and the smell too bad to take anything, let alone a potential partner, seriously. We’d rather return to the line to fill up our cup than continue talking to the person whose face we’ve spent the last ten minutes trying to decipher. We’re drunk, our perception is skewed, and the last thing on our mind is a dinner date and movie.
Save yourself the trouble and try the grocery store.
Everyone listens to music, even the heartless
Music resonates emotion within us, and for some this emotion inspires the urge to pick up a chainsaw no prescription viagra sale and kill the girl next door. Since it is Halloween, I find it only appropriate to enter the minds of the most menacing monsters, humans, and otherworldly characters to see just what’s spinning on their record players. Please be advised, terrible puns ahead.
Jigsaw from Saw – “Every Breath You Take” by The Police
If you listen to this song with the right mindset, you may feel as though you are being stalked. If your boyfriend puts this on a mix tape for you ladies, run, it’s bad enough Jigsaw is watching every step you take. Oh Sting – what have you done, first “Roxanne” and now this?
Hannibal Lecter – “Cannibal” by Ke$ha
Who would have imagined that the princess of pop would be singing about eating boys and devouring flesh? Glitter and twice-baked eyelids, oh what a beautiful combination. Fist pumping in the kitchen listening to cannibalistic dance pop, Hannibal puts on his pink rhinestone apron and gets down and dirty.
Freddy Krueger – “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of These)” by the Eurythmics and ‘Come Away With Me’ by Norah Jones.
Freddy thinks some of them actually want to be abused. Also, Freddy could slice up a victim while Nora’s jazzy vocals sing “come away with me in the night, and I’ll write you a song.”
Dexter Morgan – “Psycho Killer” by The Talking Heads
Dexter is confused, is he a good man doing bad things or a bad man doing good things? It’s safe to say maybe he’s both, but that he is definitely a little psycho. Lets be honest, who doesn’t want to sing “fa, fa, fa, fa, fa fa, fa, fa, fa” while zipping up a body bag.
Regan Macneil from The Exorcist – “Learning to Fly” by Tom Petty
Petty Regan has no wings, but she manages to levitate and proves that coming down really is the hardest thing. Overcoming possession is a serious milestone. Regan would be an Eminem girl, but she’s jealous because his projectile vomit in “Lose Yourself” was more impressive.
As we all know, Supercrawl was jam-packed with fantastic artists and guitar-shredding acts. But there was one performer who danced himself apart from all the rest.
If you missed Diamond Rings’ set on Saturday, no sweat, because the Toronto-based artist is sure to perform locally again. I have been a fan of Diamond Rings ever since the release of his hit single, “Something Else” in 2010. I had never seen him perform live and it really did end up being something else.
Standing beside elderly couples, children and Hamiltonians looking on, no one knew what to expect as the band took the stage. The guitarist, keyboardist, and drummer were dressed head to toe in black with black shades covering their eyes. As the electro-pop music began to flow, the drummer drove the bass hard into our chests and Diamond Rings ran onto the stage.
John O’Regan (stage name Diamond Rings) was dressed in white, with a black studded vest and black combat boots. He took to the stage with explosive energy, grabbing the microphone and belting out the first lines of “Everything Speaks.” It was not long before the whole crowd was bobbing their heads in awe to the jump-rope rhythm. It was like watching a performer from another dimension of time and space.
The 6’5” artist began to jump up and down, encouraging the crowd to jump with him. Throughout his set he choreographed fist pumps, head bobs, and various dance moves to the choruses of his songs. The hypnotic beats were impossible to stand still to.
Diamond Rings showcased his new music off of Free Dimensional, released in 2012. The sound explores elements of post-punk and channels it through charismatic synth-pop to create a blast of otherworldly glam. Diamond Rings is a pop star, drawing his inspiration from artists like Madonna, Robyn, and Devo. There is no doubt Diamond Rings not only values great music, but personal and individual style, which he conveys throughout his songs.
John O’Regan removed his shades midway through the set to reveal heavy eye makeup and a breathtaking angelic face. His own personal look adds another element to his sound. Sweating profusely, he committed all his energy and heart to each and every song. No one could look away and no one wanted too.
His lyrics explore heartbreak, love, personal confidence and fulfillment. They are light hearted, relatable and easy to sing along, too. As he performed it was like a weight had been lifted from the crowd’s chest, and the world was less serious. He took you from your present state into a state of supreme bliss. Everyone was taking a shine to Diamond Rings, even the lady with the walker in front of me.
He played his lead single, “I’m Just Me” last and, surprisingly, most knew the words by the end of the song. Dropping the microphone, he turned to face the drummer and teasingly removed his vest. Taking a power stance, he punched his arms out to his sides and then above him to the beat. Soon enough everyone was repeating this motion. I have never seen such a performance. Diamond Rings are expensive, but this one is priceless.