Miranda Babbitt
Assistant LifeStyle Editor
Having a panic attack on Valentine’s Day? First up, breathe. Second, peruse through the following suggestions to some common problemos.
I’m the only one alone!!!
Even though you’re not someone’s “one”, you’re not “the only one” single. 40% of the population won’t be going home to a cuddle-mate. Unless you count your furry friends in the feline and canine world, in which case 56% of us are going home to a glorious night of adorable cuddles. Bonus, they’re not expecting chocolate anytime soon (as in they die from it, yes).
My movie life is bombarded by rom-coms.
Teary eyes on Valentine’s Day are only okay if they’re from ROFLing (but I get if that’s too much physical activity - LMAO is cool too). So ditch the “rom” and stick to the “com”, with the near-classic, Bridesmaids. Or get in touch with your inner cooties-believer and watch “Frozen”, which graced the Oscars so it’s worthy for our adult, cultured eyes.
People think I have no plans.
Well, here is the riskiest but perhaps the easiest: lie. Nothing too grandiose, like saying you’ve been asked by three tall, dark, and handsome men if you would accompany them to Hawaii, but a small, “A fella from my stats class asked if he could make me dinner. Can’t give up a cooked meal on V Day.” Then go on about how you both love food, because I think that’s a universal similarity between all humans on Valentine’s Day. Or, stay moral, and say you’re planning on rounding up a bunch of gals and hitting the clubs (clubs, as in a sleepover for twenty-somethings who love the Notebook).
General anxiety issues.
Let me hear you say, namasteeee! Throw yo hands up in the air! But only if you’re doing a sun salutation, because we want you in that addictive meditative state all yogis strive to achieve. Yoga has the ability to reduce stress and decrease physiological arousal (in terms of symptoms related to stress… yoga doesn’t harm your sex life), so you can walk away super calm and super cool.
I just want someone to buy me a drank.
Turn on some Beyonce and and get your hands dirty! A blood orange margarita promises that Valentine’s Day festivity without the potentially sleazy offer of that guy lurking on you from down the bar. Invite a friend or two over and you’re night is now flawless.
Jason Woo
The Silhouette
Valentine’s Day has the distinct honour of being a divisive holiday that inspires happiness and depression in seemingly equal numbers. A quick scroll through Buzzfeed will reveal a number of simultaneously hilarious and sad gif-filled articles about Single Awareness Day. As you roam the halls of the university, you start overhearing conversations about how Valentine’s Day is a holiday based solely on consumerism, how both participants in the conversation are independent and proud of it, and that they don’t need no lover.
But, as a single pringle, I would kindly like to ask these Sad Larrys to respectfully keep it down. If you’re sad that you’re single, go ask that cute upper year in your tutorial on a date. If you don’t care for the holiday, go have your own fun rumpus. Midterms and the winter blues have already put a cloudy damper on many university students; the last thing we need is more negativity.
In these seemingly dark times, I see Valentine’s Day as a hopeful beacon of the now oft missing sunlight. It’s a day where the power of love is celebrated, where I can see the unadulterated happiness and bliss that love is capable of inspiring. When a friend tells me about her Valentine’s Day plans, it just fills me with overwhelming bubbly happiness. If that catchy Pharrell song, “Happy,” has taught me anything, it’s that happiness is contagious – if only you will let it envelop you.
Valentine’s Day is also a time to celebrate any love you have in your life. It doesn’t have to be pigeonholed into the archetypical romantic couple. Take a moment to appreciate the love you have for your family. I know that I don’t tell my family I love them nearly as much as I should. Like many other holidays, the fundamental purpose is to use it as a means to recognize and celebrate something good in your life.
Take the day to celebrate with your friends. This year I’m sending my best friend out of province a Valentine’s Day gift. We’re not as close anymore, but times like these remind me of the bond that we have. She’s sending me something too – and I’ll be as happy as any couple in love when I open my own box of chocolate dipped strawberries. Alternatively, you can get together with you best friend to crack a bottle of wine and watch a bunch of rom-coms. Valentine’s Day can be fun and wonderful for anyone as long as you approach it with the right mindset.
Love and cotton candy is in the air. Why let such inherently sweet things bog you down if you can let it lift you out of the winter doldrums instead?
And aside from eating candy and smelling the roses, here are a couple tried and true suggestions on how to spend this day of sweet, sweet love - regardless of your relationship status.
Couples and singles alike
DIY card
It's about to get all preschool up in here.
Greeting cards bought from the aisles of a drug store are generally thought to be pretty low on the scale of “popped into my mind while showering” to “your happiness consumes my every thought.” Now it’s fine to teeter around the lower end for the acquaintances that come in and out of your life (you don’t want to creep anyone out), but it’s safe to say things are very different for your lover/bf/gf/formal cuddle buddy. So why not get your hands glittery and make one yourself?
I like to create a heart shaped card, complete with ruffles, dainty borders, and sealed with a kiss. The message you leave on the inside is up to you!
Here's a more profesh shot.
You can tell my inspiration was from Design Love Fest.
Valentine’s Day from Ryan Gosling
This one may be for the ladies more so than the fellas, so if you have a special someone who happens to resonate with the RyGos fandom, consider this idea a keeper (like RyGos himself). Have you ever heard of feminist Ryan Gosling? As if our perception of him wasn’t perfect enough, this fictitious side of Ryan Gosling says things like, “Hey girl. Though the day itself originated through some non-romantic, religiously specific events, I’m always thankful to have a chance to celebrate my love for you.” Swoon. Swoon. Swoon.
Couple Ideas
Surprise bubble bath date
Nothing is quite as steamy as a shared bubble bath (literally). Set the mood with some melodic songstresses and have a glass of wine on each tub end waiting. To really drive home the cheesiness of this entire scene, add a single candle (or two, or three). Don’t be embarrassed by the cheese. Cupid has always been a fan!
Sushi date
Trying anything new with your lovely date for V day can be fun, but why can’t it be yummy too? And not just fancy dinner date yummy but feeling damn satisfied with your exotic creation yummy. Feel free to play around with the culinary theme. Italian pasta dishes are especially fun too – everyone looks rather adorable when playing the Lady and the Tramp. But if you do go with sushi, you can have sushi rolling competitions. Whoever wins, gets a kiss. Win-win, eh?
Single Ladies
A date with your movie crush
Every gal or fella has that one unattainable specimen of perfection they lust over from a tragically far distance – aka the distance between the seats of a movie theater and the screen. At least there’s good popcorn. Well, you know what? Up that quality time with your movie crush. Make him your date all night long with a long list of his favourite movies ready to play, a devilishly large bowl of popcorn awaiting, and a friend or two who shares an equally ridiculous obsession. So keep out, boys! One, you have cooties. Two, only fangirls allowed in.
Secret admirer party
Whenever a Secret Santa pops up over the Christmas holidays, I rejoice in the giving spirit that infectiously spreads through us all, because it’s responsible for this wonderful game of guessing who gave you a present. The best type of guessing game ever, if I do say so myself. Well, now you only have to wait two months (but really this can happen anytime you please) for another reason to get a bunch of friends together and gush over the copious amounts of chocolate received. Instead of signing Secret Santa, sign your secret admirer. You can get as cheesy as you like given the date, and go on to list just what you admire about them. Valetine’s Day is about spreading the loooove, even the platonic variety.
Brianna Buziak
The Silhouette
Especially around the holidays, even though “‘tis the season to be jolly”, being single has unfortunately led me to have a great feeling of sadness about love and relationships. A season meant to bring people together makes people feel so lonely and long for that “special someone” more so than any other. The holiday season brings upon us two holidays that often make singles feel even more like singles, Christmas and New Years Eve.
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When every other commercial or advertisement you see around this time of year is about getting the aforementioned “special someone” the “perfect gift,” it tends to get to you a little bit. The gift itself is not what is at the root of the problem but who gave it and how. Remember that commercial where the couple is skating on a pond and he leaves a diamond necklace on a tree branch for her to find? Or the one circulating this season is where a guy travels by foot and subway with a multitude of balloons to stand outside his girlfriend’s window in John Cusack Say Anything-fashion in an attempt of a romantic proposal. I have almost cried watching two-minute jewelry commercials
And if I end up crying at a short YouTube ad, you had better believe that I am a wreck for feature-length romantic Christmas movies. One in particular that pulls at the heartstrings every time is Love, Actually. Seeing all the relationships work out in the end or become resolved makes you wonder- if all these people can get it together, why can’t I? I’m well aware that this is fictitious and a Hollywood representation, but when even the twelve-year old boy professes his love to his dream girl on Christmas Eve, cute factor aside, I feel like I may as well quit trying.
And New Year’s Eve. I absolutely love New Year’s Eve, the possibility of something new or a fresh start is always exciting, but one part is extremely daunting. The New Years kiss. I wish I could say that it doesn’t mean anything, but it does. When the clock quickly approaches midnight and there is no one around, that feeling of loneliness seeps its way into your psyche. Healthy relationships are wonderful any time of the year, but around New Years Eve, it is comforting to know who that person will be at midnight and hopefully it will be someone you want by your side for 2014. Because if what “they” say is true, how you spend New Years Eve is how you spend the rest of the year, and no wants to spend 12 months feeling lonely.
So to all those who are shaking their heads, this is just an interpretation of singledom during the holiday season. Not everyone who is single and in their twenties will feel this way, this is just one girl’s take on it. So bring on the mistletoe-adorned doorways and fireworks to ring in the New Year, but in the mean time, I’ll be spending my days with a box of Kleenex and a queue of jewelry commercials.
Ana Quarri
Staff Reporter
I care about what people think. Throughout high school and university, the way people perceived me in social situations has impacted who I am now in a variety of ways.
I think it’s fair to say that, to some degree, this is the case for most people. Most of us want to be well-liked. We want our friends to think we’re decent people and fun to hang out with. In different ways, we all seek some sort of external validation for our actions and decisions.
For me, this became much more evident once I entered the world of romantic relationships. I found myself wondering if my friends would approve. I began to think that people in my life had to know about the relationship for it to be considered “legitimate.”
When I started to realize that I was doing this, I thought it was all me – a self-imposed need for approval. Recently, however, I’ve noticed that this need is a by-product of the sort of conversations that surround romantic relationships.
The main problem seems to be the notion that there is only one right way to be in a relationship. I’ve seen friends open up about their relationships only to receive questioning looks and thoughtless comments.
Most people subscribe to the physically and emotionally monogamous kind of relationship, and find it difficult to understand anything located elsewhere on the spectrum. I’ve been guilty of this, too. As a ‘monogamist’, it’s taken me time to comprehend that the way I discuss relationships can unintentionally invalidate the feelings and experiences of others. Implying that your relationship preferences are superior can be extremely harmful to those who have taken time to come to terms with what they want from romantic involvements.
In addition to judging the type of relationship, the way people act in relationships is also a frequent topic of discussion. If you don’t do –insert action here-, then you’re probably not into each other. Looking at these claims critically reveals just how logically unsound they are, but in conversations these pass off as completely valid observations.
We have to remember that romance and love mean different things to different people. Some couples want to see each other all the time and others don’t. Some like to be affectionate in public and others not so much.
By dictating ways that people act in relationships (within the bounds of ethical behaviour) as either “right” or “wrong” we put relationships in a box, and limit romantic interactions between people to what we think is normal.
More importantly, we involve ourselves and our opinion in matters that should be in the hands of the people in the relationship. Unless someone is complaining and asking for advice regarding their relationship, there’s no reason for us to give our unsolicited opinions.
And if you’re like me and have found yourself looking for approval outside of you and your partner(s), take some time to figure out why.
We enter relationships to make ourselves happy, not others, and the language we use when discussing relationships should reflect that.
Jennifer Bacher
The Silhouette
For the past week I have had the pleasure of trying out a dating app called Tinder. Tinder uses your Facebook information along with your location to match you with potential people in your location.
It shows your likes and five chosen photos from Facebook along with your age. Users can then set the minimum and maximum age, gender and the maximum radial distance away from their potential matches.
After the initial set up, you are then matched with people in your area and a simple “swipe” game of what is essentially “hot or not” begins. A match is made when both parties swipe a yes to each other, after which you are then allowed to chat with that person. What happens from there is up to you.
At first I was taken back from the over simplicity and vanity of Tinder but essentially this is what happens in any bar, club or party. You judge a person on their looks first, and if you say you don’t, you’re just lying to yourself.
Is it right? No, but it’s the truth. You “check out” first and if you like what you see, you go over and talk. If they do not return the attention, it’s over. This is exactly what Tinder is without the awkward denial.
Some words of advice for those of you who wish to use Tinder to find a hook-up (or relationship, miracles do happen):
Lavinia Tofer
SHEC
A relationship requires trust, communication, honesty and patience.
A long-distance relationship requires a triple dose of all of the above.
I used to be a strong supporter of such relationships, believing that when there’s a will, there’s a way. Lately, I have been discouraged by seeing those around me fall into the unforgiving traps set out by the distance that separates partners.
Being in fourth year and not knowing where I will be in the next two years, the possibility of having to be far away from my significant other is very real. Yet I still believe long distance relationships can and do work, if both parties put in the required effort.
Usually it is the case that one person moves away while the other stays at home. This in and of itself is an extreme obstacle, and I don’t know which end I would prefer to be on. If you are close to home, you have the comfort of your friends and most likely family. That being said, it is very difficult not knowing what type of environment your significant other is in. What is his or her new life like and how can you fit in it? Being the one who is going away can be exciting and terrifying at the same time. Your only source of comfort until you make new friends will be electronic renditions of your partner, friends and family. And once you start to make new friends, how do you balance the demanding requirements of a budding friendship with those of your girlfriend or boyfriend?
Probably the most difficult aspect of long-distance relationships is the lack of physical contact with your loved one. Physical intimacy is usually an extremely important part of a loving relationship, and losing that can make you feel like you have lost a special connection.
Jealousy leads to the demise of many relationships but it is especially prevalent in long-distance relationships. Your partner will be spending a lot of time with people you do not know and when you are so far away this can be very difficult to deal with.
In order to make a long-distance relationship work it is important to first and foremost be true to yourself. Are you the type of person who requires face-to-face communication and physical contact to feel connected to someone? If so, then maybe this sort of relationship will not work for you.
Working on a long-distance relationship is hard but it is infinitely more difficult when only one person is putting in an effort. Both partners need to agree on the boundaries of the relationship, and this needs to be discussed before the separation. It is important to always try to make time for your partner and include each other in all your activities as canadian pharmacy viagra much as possible. A long distance relationship requires consistent communication between partners. In the end it is most important to be honest and trusting. If you feel that the relationship is a lot harder than you expected, share your concerns with your significant other.
Tobi Abdul
Staff Reporter
I'm not the kind of person who particularly enjoys navigating my way through sweaty crowds in order to have a conversation consisting of yelling into each other's ears, struggling to be heard over the music. Despite this, it seems that the majority of my mating rituals, as a semi-new lesbian, have been reduced to exactly this. Since realizing that women are more my speed, I've had to sacrifice the cute romantic hypotheticals that never seemed too impossible in the "straight" world.
I bump into someone at the grocery store and proceed to have a conversation about our favourite snacks. Is she smiling at me because she likes me or because she thinks she's made a new friend? "Yeah, I'm really into baking. I bake for my boyfriend all the time." And there it is.
Flirting becomes this tentative game of "Is She, Isn't She?" where I try to guess a girl's sexuality by these unquantifiable characteristics that allows one to give off a gay "vibe". Chance encounters become set-ups and profile stalking, while spontaneity becomes uncertainty.
You may not have a funny story to tell your kids about how you met and you may have to risk a lot of "sorry, I'm not gay" before you hear "sure, I'd love to go out sometime" but this isn't to say that the girl you bump into in the grocery store won't bat for your team or that you should be wary canadian online pharmacy of approaching a girl for fear that she isn't into girls. But in my opinion, dating as a lesbian is a lot harder than dating as a heterosexual.
Tired of trying to craft the perfect message on PlentyOfFish or OKCupid, I sought out this year to meet someone in the real world, outside of sweaty nightclubs. It was then that I realized I had absolutely zero queer friends and that if I was going to meet any romantic interests on campus, I had to make some queer or queer-friendly friends. The first place I thought to start was McMaster Queer Students Community Center, located on the 2nd floor of the Student Center. My advice to all you newly out queer folk is to get involved with the QSCC. They have a lot of events, are very welcoming and you can meet lots of new queer friends and allies. Their annual Pride Week, which is happening this year on Nov. 4-8, is a great way to meet other people. Go out to the drag show and perform, or sing along to the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Once you've found your new friends, you could ask them to set you up. Just be wary of the traps that can happen if your friends are straight. My friends mean well, but once in a while I get the "oh my goodness, you two would totally hit it off" while talking about a girl that I have nothing in common with. Sometimes friends fail to remember that liking the same sex doesn't make you a match.
For the shy and socially awkward, online dating might actually be your preferred source of dating. It gives you a chance to construct the perfect message, backspacing and proofreading until you have the perfect amount of nonchalant while still taking an interest. PlentyOfFish and OKCupid are the two biggest dating sites out there for our age group.
If all else fails, try a LGBT* club/bar, or one that hosts lesbian nights. It may not be an ideal place to meet someone and make genuine connections but there's something comforting about knowing that the majority of people with you, are gay too.
Like any relationship, finding someone takes patience and confidence. Join things that interest you and maybe along the way, you'll find the right someone. It may be slightly harder, but it's not impossible. Try not to give up on those romantic ideas that you may have. The girl next door may be bisexual, that girl at the coffee shop may have a girlfriend, and the girl in your class may be lesbian and interested, but the most important thing is to put yourself out there.
Jason Woo
The Silhouette
Over Thanksgiving weekend, I found myself subjected to the same old questions by my relatives: “How’s school? How’s living off campus? How come you’ve gotten skinnier?” And then the biggie: “When are you going to bring your viagra us girlfriend home?” That one always hurts. For the longest time, I thought that the pain was because it made me cognoscente of my tragic loneliness. In turn, I’m achingly tempted to reply in my sassiest tone, “When am I bringing one home? When I friggin’ have one! When else?”
Yet I know that can’t be the case. University is such an enveloping experience that I’ve never felt truly lonely. The times that I am alone are mostly by choice and quite enjoyable. (Parks and Recreation is better enjoyed alone, perhaps with a good friend, Nutella.) Upon reflection, I realized that the real reason it hurt was because it made me feel like I should be dating.
There’s an unspoken rule that a dry spell for a university student should only last about a year. My female friend asks if I like someone. My male friends ask if I pined someone. My family asks if I have a girlfriend. I haven’t brought a girl home in so long that if my parents had not stumbled across my stash of condoms, they would probably think that I’m asexual. My mother actually once said it was abnormal that I still didn’t have a girlfriend.
This is not to say I have an aversion to dating. After a string of failed relationships stemming from incompatibility and trying too hard, I have simply embraced the idea of letting love come whenever it decides to. That’s all fine and dandy, but recently, when an opportunity does arise, I’ve found myself questioning if I even know what flirting is anymore - let alone how to do it.
The process of “wheeling” also got a lot more complicated once university started. Suddenly, I was forced to abide by rules I didn’t even know existed. Don’t mess around with the ladies from your year if your faculty is small. Don’t involve a housemate. Don’t deal with your female best friend’s best friend. The list goes on and on.
The other problem is that I friend-zone. I always get close to a female friend whom I might be interested in, but since I’m now an awful flirt, the whole process is drawn out. It gets to a point where I become so invested in the relationship that I’m afraid dating will ruin it. Thus I find myself content to friend-zone myself and have a close female friend instead.
To be honest, I don’t really feel like it’s a problem to be single. Sometimes I just wonder if I ever will strongly desire a relationship. And if I do, will I even have it in me anymore?
So here’s to you Mrs. Right or Ms. Close-Female-Friend-Number-35, wherever you may be.
Julia Busatto
The Silhouette
We’ve all been there, that moment when you get that special person’s number and the texting escapades begin.
Texting someone new feels like venturing into an unknown territory. It’s exciting, but proceed with caution my friends. A lot more than you may know is conveyed through a simple “lol”. Communication is easily lost through your iPhone screen and texting can be a recipe for disaster if handled by over zealous, unintelligible fingers. You’ve got to play the game, and you better be good at it.
So let’s run through some scenarios to help you maintain the interest of that particular lady, or not send that poor lad running to Compass for the earliest bus ticket out of the city.
When first interested in someone, they seem to be the only thing occupying your mind. However, you cannot let them know through your texts that you feel this way. Texting someone once or twice every couple of days at first is flattering, but texting them multiple times every single day is excessive.
What the other person comprehends from your texts may be false, but gives a negative impression nonetheless. The common, “What are you doing? What are you doing now? What’s up? How was class? What are you up to tonight?” texts that come in spurts every couple hours is a little much don’t you think? Don’t be a time consuming texter.
Secondly, response time is key. It’s okay to respond right away if the other person is doing the same, but if they delay their response time, delay yours. It’s a little embarrassing when you are always responding back right away, and their responses come every couple hours. To maintain interest, keep your response following the same timing as theirs. It’s becoming more and more like a game, isn’t it.
Next is the issue of emoticons, and those super keen texts that thrive in the forms of exclamation marks, extra lettered words, and excessive punctuation. This may make you appear juvenile, or immature. We all know girls want to text men, not boys. So expand your vocabulary, and avoid saying lol after every word lol and every sentence. Are you really laughing? Let’s be serious.
Lastly, don’t use your phone to send manuscripts of novels to the person you’re trying to impress. It’s not fun being a little tipsy on a Friday night, and trying to decipher a 4 page text. Be clear and concise. The only time a huge text is appropriate is when something outrageously funny happens and you’re texting your best friend, or you are giving your mom an extensive breakdown of your day.
If you take my advice I guarantee you, you will snag the person you’re trying so hard to “wheel”. Remember texting isn’t an art, it’s a strategic game.
