With people turning to social media dating platforms to get their romance, dating in the contemporary world is becoming extremely complicated
As the nature of society becomes increasingly chaotic and in ways disconnected, so does romance. The boundaries of romantic relationships are becoming increasingly blurred and the idea and definitions of being in one are no longer as straightforward as they used to be. Amid this, Generation Z has coined the term the “talking stage,” a grey area where people connect but don’t commit
The talking stage refers to the early phase of getting to know someone before deciding to start dating. It’s a critical stage in any modern relationship. It’s a stage that can go on for weeks or months, leaving those involved in a state of limbo. There is undeniable pressure to get it right; one wrong step and you’ll be ghosted.
It begins with a rush of excitement and a feeling of great potential, but this can quickly change. The challenges of the real world will emerge and the doubt will set in as the initial excitement fades. The talking stage is filled with uncertainty; it is a grey area between casual acquaintance and full-blown romance, with no one really knowing what is going on.
The talking stage is filled with uncertainty; it is a grey area between casual acquaintance and full-blown romance, with no one really knowing what is going on.
The talking stage is a time of late nights and constant confusion, but things weren’t always this way. In the past, people had to meet naturally and in person, making for a much simpler dating process. You meet someone; you go on a date and if you mesh well, you go on another. There was no need for a talking stage and conversation happened organically. But with the rise of both social media and dating apps alike, people are forced into a world of swiping, texting and shallow conversation.
The introduction of social media has complicated the world of love further. With endless opportunities to meet new people it is easy to fall into the trap of casual conversation that will ultimately lead nowhere.
The introduction of social media has complicated the world of love further. With endless opportunities to meet new people, it is easy to fall into the trap of casual conversation that will ultimately lead nowhere.
This raises the question, why do we keep the talking stage around?
It offers a sense of freedom; there is no pressure of commitment. It is a relationship without any real feelings or pressure. Commitment is scary. Therefore, it could be argued that this stage might be used to test the waters, giving those involved an opportunity to leave without consequence.
While the talking stage may seem like an easy way to avoid getting hurt, it can still affect you emotionally. The limbo of not knowing where things are going can cause anxiety and sleepless nights. Hours can be filled thinking of the next steps. A hole of unavoidable worry can be dug as the realization sets in that you don’t really know this person at all.
The talking stage is now intertwined with dating. It is slowly becoming the first step in every relationship. Social media is reshaping the way we interact, creating a space to explore new connections. However as social media continues to take over, new complications will arise and we will be forced to consider whether this shift is truly enhancing our relationships or just prolonging the uncertainty of modern relationships.
In an era where physical intimacy no longer requires commitment, we’re seeing the decline of traditional courtship
The process of getting to know someone through consistent dates and meaningful conversation is a crucial stage before entering a committed relationship. This “traditional” stage of dating allows both people to invest time and effort into building a connection. It was a way to explore compatibility and emotional intimacy, with the understanding that it may or may not lead to a deeper relationship
Today, modern dating can bypass the traditional format of formal dates designed to help people get to know each other. With the understanding that sexual or physical intimacy no longer necessarily requires commitment, the dating stage itself has changed.
This dating stage is commonly referred to as the “talking stage” or “situationships” by Generation Z which often lacks the structure of planned dates, leaving the process more casual and less defined.
The rise of technology has aided in shifting this stage. Dating apps, social media and increased online communication have played significant roles in reshaping how relationships and courtship are approached today. People can now connect with potential matches online, no longer limited by location.
While hookup culture has always existed, particularly in environments that encourage autonomy such as universities, technology has amplified this trend. People are exposed to a variety of profiles, allowing them to explore potential interests. This removes the constraints of getting to know one person at a time, consistent communication and real-life interaction.
One could argue that the decline of traditional dating can largely be attributed to how we now communicate and interact. In the past, social skills like charisma, being a good conversationalist and knowing how to flirt were essential tools for dating. Today, however, these skills have been reduced to trendy buzzwords like “rizz”, a term that ironically does not necessarily imply one can genuinely engage with another person.
As a result, there is a growing disconnect, with some individuals seeking casual encounters while others are looking for commitment. This creates an awkward space where casual encounters or “talking stages” become the norm, driven by their low pressure and lack of commitment.
The shift towards low-pressure dating scenes, where traditional dating is avoided unless boundaries are explicitly set, reflects deeper changes in how people approach relationships today. Whether it is a fear of commitment, anxiety about dating, or a reluctance to be vulnerable, many are opting for casual connections that do not require the emotional investment of a committed relationship.
Although, it is important to note there are differences between younger and older generations, with younger people often favouring low-pressure, casual connections over traditional, long-term commitments. This shift in dating culture is also impacted by factors such as sexual orientation, education, gender, race and age.
For example, a 2019 American study found that Black adults are more likely to be single than White or Hispanic adults. Those with less education are also more likely to remain single. These factors shape when and how people are ready to date, with many younger individuals prioritizing personal growth and independence.
Ultimately, the decline of traditional dating reflects broader societal changes, where technology has expanded access to potential partners and increased selectiveness in dating intentions. With the rise of low-pressure, casual connections, there’s a growing need to reconsider the importance of self-love, vulnerability and emotional intimacy in building meaningful partnerships.
When used thoughtfully, technology can deepen emotional bonds, without replacing the power of in-person connection
Technology is often perceived as an interruption to our natural relationships. In fact, many of us believe that our bonds are only really created through face-to-face interactions, real life, conversations, and actual human touch as opposed to FaceTime calls and emoji-filled messages.
At the same time, villainizing technology when it comes to our close relationships masks the benefits that these tools can have when it comes to improving our communication, offering us more opportunities to connect, and our ability to understand each other better. While there are always risks associated with picking up our devices, they are simply tools to be leveraged to bolster our connections with the most important people in our lives.
One of the major benefits of technology comes with medium and long-distance relationships. Video calls, for example, were a major development when it comes to maintaining a connection during long-distance periods in relationships—providing much-needed visual cues which are absent in voice calls or text messages.
Video allows for emotional expression through facial gestures, body language, and the added intimacy of seeing each other in real time. More specifically, research shows that these visual cues can strengthen emotional bonds and reduce feelings of loneliness, ultimately making it easier to feel emotionally connected despite the physical distance. As such, technology enables couples to create shared experiences that help bridge the physical gap and facilitate emotional intimacy.
Seeing how someone interacts with technology offers us a way to understand our partners in a different light. Technology use, whether it’s through communication, the tone of their texts or how they manage online interactions, also reveals aspects of someone’s personality that might not come through in person. For example, the way one responds to messages or engages on social media can indicate traits like attentiveness, introversion, or extroversion.
While these virtual interactions don’t replace in-person connection, they offer valuable insights into how someone processes information, manages conflict, and expresses affection. In many cases, they give us a fuller understanding of who someone is outside of in-person interactions.
However, it’s important to remember the risks of being overly reliant on technology in relationships. While technology facilitates communication, it can also create a false sense of intimacy, leading to superficial interactions. This artificial intimacy not only deprives individuals of real connections but can also create conflict and hinder emotional intimacy.
Digital communication, such as text messaging, often lacks the depth and nuance of face-to-face encounters. Non-verbal cues and physical presence are critical for understanding each other’s emotions.
Spending too much time on digital platforms can lead to a detachment from reality, reducing the quality of in-person interactions and sometimes fostering misunderstandings or miscommunications. This “always connected” culture can lead to emotional burnout, especially if the digital interaction lacks the authenticity that true connection requires.
While technology can enhance relationships by offering more ways to communicate, connect, and understand each other, it is essential to strike a balance. The best relationships are still grounded in real, in-person experiences. Digital tools, when used thoughtfully, can be a supplement to face-to-face connection—not a replacement. The key is to use technology to foster deeper bonds but never forget that the strongest relationships are those that thrive in the physical presence of one another.
By Rachel Lieske, Contributor
The popular astrology app CoStar is known for daily insights that are customized according to a user’s astrological chart. Every day at 10:37 am, CoStar sends me daily affirmations, recently with a recurring theme surrounding “pressure in love.” I usually shrug off the AI-generated insights, but the idea of “pressure in love” echoed in my mind—it felt symbolic of young love, and everything it represents, and caught my attention.
There’s a common narrative that persists around young love. Finding love that lasts in your adolescence is the one way to create a fairytale ending. Needless to say, a fairytale ending is merely a fictional account. There is a lot of love rhetoric echoed in our culture like “you’ll find love once you stop looking”, but aren’t we supposed to be finding love now, just as many of our parents did at our age?
Like any frantic Gen Z, I texted all of my friends and asked them if they felt “pressure in love” and if they felt that there was an inherited timeline to find it. As it turned out, most of my single friends were pessimistic about finding love and felt a pressure weighing them down. Here’s what they had to say.
“There’s a lot of pressure regarding the demographic and social aspect of it all. If you’re in a city that is full of people your age and your living the typical university lifestyle then it should be easy to find a significant other, but it’s really not.” - Allie, 20
“[University] seems like a perfect time to meet people, and a lot of people are finding love. At the end of the day, media makes love seem like this whole encompassing thing that everyone craves but I’m not so certain it’s the end all be all.” - Robyn, 19
“I think the pressure comes more internally than externally, especially when I see people who have had lots of relationships in high school and university and I feel like now there’s less time to find my ‘soul mate’. If those people have been through so many relationships and haven’t found the one, how can I with less time?” - Taylor, 20
“There’s a lot of cultural pressures because for me, my parents are Russian and there’s an unspoken standard that you will find a person to marry within university and if you can’t, it’s like, ‘Okay, what’s wrong with you?’”- Devon, 21
Coincidently, most of my friends who were in relationships said that they never felt pressured to be in relationships. Instead, romantic love randomly found its way into their lives. However, they experienced a different sort of pressure; a pressure to experience single life fully in university.
“There’s more of a pressure to not find love because of single culture being so dominant with university nightlife and online dating!” - Alex, 20
“Finding love shouldn’t have a timeline to it. It shouldn’t be a race. If you don’t find love by 25 it doesn’t mean that you’re undesirable!” - Vanessa, 20
“I felt more pressure to be dating than to find true love. I didn’t feel like I needed a soulmate, but I didn’t want to get to a point where I felt so much less experienced than everyone else that dating would feel impossible later on,”- Quinn, 20
“The short answer is no, I don’t feel the pressure to find love in university but I’ve been in a relationship most of my time at school, in which the first one was very all-consuming and overbearing so I actually felt the pressure to be single for once.” -Mary, 20
It’s undeniable that our adolescence is a time of experimentation when it comes to love. We may make dumb decisions that we come to regret, but we can use the lessons from our successes and failures to help navigate the world of dating. Although past successes and failures help us navigate new relationships the pressure still persists: to find something real, raw, lasting and most importantly, loving.
Other pressures come from trying to understand how to balance personal growth and romantic growth. In the infancy of our adult lives, we underestimate how many commitments we already have, and how large of a commitment love is. At some point, we have to give up on some of our commitments, and most of the time it’s a battle between love or loss.
When we open our hearts to love, we also open our hearts to loss. Inevitably we might feel a combination of both. Choosing love is an act of bravery that deserves credit for its commitment to vulnerability and its gamble with loss. The pressure can be grave and intimidating but somehow always finds its way into our lives, in this quest for love or something that feels like it.
This article is part of our Sex and the Steel City, our annual sex-positive issue. Click here to read more content from the special issue.
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