1. Starbucks Drake Hands
Nothing like some straight up creepy interaction to end any sort of interest your crush has in you. You would think this is pretty straightforward, but judging from the truly cringe worthy original video and the gut-busting parodies that came after, I best leave this here.
Whether you use it satirically or (in)appropriately, a prospective mate will not appreciate #iloveyou # #legitcried #loveyousomuch #dreamcometrue #toomuchhappiness #highlighofmyLIFE #cantthinkstraight #myboy/girlfriendsbetterthanyours #he/shelovesme #myotherhalf in succesion.
3. Facebook Proposal
In most cases, it is better to ask someone out in person than online. It certainly takes more guts and your crush will definitely appreciate it. It also just makes for a much cuter story down the road.
4. Timing of Responses
One of the trickiest things in the dating game is the art of timing your responses. Everyone has his or her own rules on this, but just be sure that you don’t respond a day later. Also turn off ‘read’ receipts when possible.
Like hashtags, a barrage of emoticons will trample on the attraction a crush has towards you like a herd of overly aggressive smiley faces. It doesn’t really do anything for your message, and it just comes off as annoying
A selfie here and there to remind you and your crush how beautiful, adorable, and fun you are is harmless, but 10 snapchats of you with variations of the peace sign and duck face may not be conducive to your chopping.
7. Social Media Bomb
This leads to the last cardinal sin of wheeling – don’t drop the social media bomb. Never assault your crush with a barrage of posts about your inside jokes and common interests. It just comes off as a bit desperate – and no one (your crush included) wants to see that much PDA. You’ll just be embarrassing your crush.
Sometimes I worry I will be the Ted Mosby of my friends, completely and utterly single. Hoping that sometime, somewhere, the right guy will show up. Or maybe like Bridget Jones, sitting alone in my room, drinking wine and eating chocolate. It’s not like I don’t try. I’ve gone and done the bar scene and I’ve been to parties, but it just never works out. And that’s mostly my fault. The truth is I’m just too picky.
Most of the time I can tell when a guy is flirting, and usually within those first few minutes I’ve already decided if I’m interested. I judge him on the way he is standing, his voice, his hair, and his clothing. And every single time, I find any excuse to say no. I don’t mean to do it and I really don’t know why I do it. I tell everyone else that I’m not picky at all. Friends will ask me, “What’s your type? I know a great guy that I think you’ll like.” I just say I don’t have a type, describe him, and of course I say no thanks, continuing on my merry single life. Why is it that I do not want to be single, and yet I’m continuously giving myself reasons to be?
There are other reasons why I am constantly finding myself clinically single, actually there are many reasons, and I could probably write a whole article on all the reasons why I’m single, but mostly it would be that I have no more excuses to give my hairdresser and family friends as to why exactly I’m single. I’m starting to worry that they think I’m some crazy swinger that doesn’t like to be in an emotionally invested relationship.
Also, why is it that the friends (but mostly my parents' friends) that you don’t see as often as you use to, feel the need to ask if you have a boyfriend (or are seeing anyone)? Does it really have to come up every single time they see you? It just reminds me over and over again how tragically single I am. I feel like I’m missing some particular piece of the metaphorical relationship puzzle. Where the hell is everyone meeting their boyfriend? Is there a secret building at McMaster I have yet to find? Honestly, I thought university was the place to meet people. A friend of mine came here to do her Masters and after two months had a boyfriend. I have been here three years, and nothing!
So, before this year is done, I pledge to go on at least one date, to not judge when meeting eligible single guys, and to no longer spend my nights watching a Twilight saga marathon while eating chocolate.
Here is to Mr. Right, wherever he may be.