C/O Travis Nguyen
Students reflect on their relationship with their body throughout the COVID-19 pandemic
Since the COVID-19 pandemic began in March 2020, many people have reported increasingly negative body image. The Silhouette discussed body image over the past two years with some students at McMaster University.
Serena Habib, a student at McMaster, discussed the many negative conversations surrounding body image that took place online over lockdown periods.
“There was just a lot of public discourse around, like, how we're always sitting at our desks and getting snacks and I thought that was a lot of unnecessary pressure on people,” said Habib.
Despite this, Habib said that her body image improved over the course of the pandemic due to the communities that she found on social media. Habib recognized that this was not the case for everyone, noting that other people may have found less supportive communities online.
“[The pandemic] gave me the time to be able to explore body positivity on Instagram and podcasts that really helped with body image and with taking care of [my] physical and mental health, which I don't know if I would have gotten to do if it wasn't for having that time to myself over the pandemic,”
Serena Habib
Sarah Coker, another student at McMaster, also reported experiencing more positive body image after the pandemic. The pandemic helped Coker’s body image because when gyms closed, she began to explore other forms of exercise that felt better for her. Coker, who was diagnosed with anorexia in 2016, stated that, prior to the pandemic, she found herself overusing the gym.
“Now I just like to go on a lot of walks and listen to podcasts and go out more in nature and [I] do it just because I want to and it feels good for my body, rather than having to be like ‘Okay, I need to get like this [and] do all these reps and sets,’” explained Coker.
As well, Coker explained that she has lost some muscle since the start of the pandemic and that her time away from the gym made her appreciate the strength that she had built up.
"[Being] female and being powerful and strong . . . [The pandemic] made me miss that and I hope I can get back to that eventually,” said Coker.
McMaster student Ekta Mishra also reflected on how the pandemic made her place more value on her physical strength. Mishra noted that, prior to the pandemic, she was far more concerned about how others would view her appearance. However, being in isolation allowed Mishra to redefine beauty standards for herself.
“[Body image] had to do a lot with exercise and how I wanted my muscles to look and what I felt was acceptable and feminine. [T]hat became something that I got to decide for myself, rather than something that other people [and their] reactions would decide . . . Not facing the scrutiny of the people around you every single day makes a difference in how you begin to perceive yourself,” said Mishra.
On the other hand, McMaster student Sadie Macdonald stated that when the pandemic first began, it impacted her body image very negatively.
“There was a lot of time and I was like what else am I going to do? I might as well focus on what I look like. . . So that wasn't good. I found myself slipping into [not] a disorder of any sort but definitely disordered thinking patterns and behaviors,”
Sadie Macdonald
Macdonald said that she found herself exercising excessively and failing to eat breakfast. However, Macdonald said that she caught herself slipping into unhealthy thinking patterns and made an effort to view her body more positively. She added that during the second lockdown, she was quarantining with a friend and she had developed a much healthier relationship with exercise.
Although she was still exercising a lot, she was doing activities that she enjoyed, such as going on long bike rides. She stated that because she was exercising for fun, she was not focusing on her appearance.
“I shouldn't see moving my body as a means to an end in that way. [Exercise] should have value in itself because it makes me feel good and if it's not making me feel good then I don't think I'm doing it right,”
Sadie Macdonald
For her, focusing on body neutrality through the pandemic was more valuable than focusing on body positivity.
“Looking in the mirror and being like ‘wow, you're beautiful today’ doesn't help me as much as being like ‘you're so much more interesting than that; you don't even need to look in the mirror today’,” said Macdonald.
Neha Shah, the director of the McMaster Students Union Women and Gender Equity Network, discussed the strengths of the body neutrality movement, explaining that it does more to address systemic issues than body positivity.
Shah also explained that another aspect of COVID-19 body image is the impact that the pandemic has had on the ability of transgender and gender nonconforming individuals to present in a way that is comfortable for them.
“For a lot of students, quarantining at home has made things difficult for them; being able to express themselves in the way that feels right to them is maybe not safe for them at home or just not as comfortable,” explained Shah.
In order to combat this by providing students with gender affirming items and to provide students with sexual health items, WGEN began an initiative last year to provide students with gift cards to access these items.
“Last year, my predecessor and the former director of [the Student Health Education Centre] collaborated to create a program called collective care, which is our peer-run resource distribution program that is able to run virtually. How it works is students will request a gift card — we have a range of stores that we’re able to provide gift cards to — of a certain amount and indicate why they need it and then we're able to send out these e-gift cards anonymously to them,” said Shah.
Body image can be tricky to navigate and is ultimately a unique experience for every individual. With all the challenges that the pandemic has posed, the relationship that each person has with their own body can change in both positive and negative ways. However, when we support one another in our communities, we can help alleviate some of the stressors around feeling comfortable in our own skin.
C/O Cee, Unsplash
These local Hamilton bakeries have Valentine’s Day Menus sure to make your day extra sweet!
Whether you are craving some comfort, looking for the perfect gift or just want to spread some love to friends and family, you can never go wrong with delicious desserts. Here are some bakeries with Valentine’s Day treats meant to bring love and care with their beauty and scrumptiousness.
Cake + Loaf Bakery
Instagram: @cakeandloafbakery
Located in the Kirkendall North neighbourhood of Hamilton, this is your one-stop sugar cookie shop with a number of sweet options on their Valentine’s menu, including “We Belong Together Like” sugar cookies. Iced in pink or teal with white cursive on top, these heart-shaped sugar cookies are showcase your choice from the 15 most popular food duos over the years such as avocado and toast or peanut butter and jelly. Alternatively, you can create custom cookies with any two names to create your own iconic duo!
If you are looking for an activity to do on your own or with a partner, you can paint your own Valentine’s Day cookies with two blank sugar cookies, two cookie paint-palettes and two paintbrushes.
Cake + Loaf Bakery has vegan options as well, including chocolate heart peek-a-boo sandwich cookies filled with pink icing shown through a heart-shaped window and covered in a dark chocolate drizzle and sprinkles.
Li’s Sweets & Treats
Instagram: @lissweetsntreats
Li’s Sweets & Treats delivers to Hamilton and surrounding areas and has a Valentine’s Day Special with options that look absolutely delicious! If you are searching for a small budget-friendly gift or want lots of variety already pre-packaged for you, this shop is ideal.
You can order a small box with chocolate covered strawberries, or a medium box with chocolate covered strawberries and red velvet truffles. Lianna’s large boxes have iced sugar cookies, soft sugar cookies, red velvet cookies, chocolate covered strawberries and red velvet truffles. However, if you only want cookies, you can get a dozen cookies for $20, choosing from red velvet, iced sugar cookies, soft sugar cookies, chocolate chip cookies with hearts and shaped chocolate chips.
Perrella Cakes
@perrellacakes
Cookies, cookies and more cookies! Perella Cakes is a custom cake maker and decorate in Hamilton and has the cutest Valentine’s Day cookies.
If you want hearts, you can have single hearts, pairs of hearts together, or a heart struck by an arrow. Perella also has lettered cookies that spell out love, accompanied by hearts and sets of heart-shaped cookies with little messages for your Valentine including “Be Mine”, “I Love You” and “Hugs.”
For more detail, Perella can draw different images on her cookies, for example a lobster saying, “You’re My Lobster,” or a cookie with a sandwich and the phrase, “I love you more than Joey loves food” for the Friends fans out there.
For family and friends, there are also Valentine’s Day Decorate Your Own Cookie Kits with 12 heart-shaped sugar cookies, four colours of royal icing and six varieties of decorations.
Dolled Up Desserts
Instagram: @dolledupdessertsbaking
My housemate’s personal favourite, Dolled Up Desserts is a gluten free and vegan bakery in downtown Hamilton. Their Valentine’s day menu is open for pre-orders, including choices that are classic and unique and some surprises still to come. They have Valentine’s Sprinkle Sugar Cookies, Black Forest Cake Brownies, Red Velvet Oreo Cheesecake Blondies and Buttermilk Scones. With weekly rotating flavours, their Vegan Heart Macarons have seasonal flavours including candy cane two tone, gingerbread and vanilla snowmen. They also freeze well. After all, why should Valentine’s Day occur only once a year?
Furthermore, the Valentine’s cake flavours at this bakery are truly one-of-a-kind, from coconut passionfruit, earl grey blackberry and chocolate raspberry to a customizable macaron cake.
This is a great option to suit many dietary needs but make sure to check the ingredients if you or your Valentine has a nut allergy.
Comfort is at the heart of local underwear business Bed Peace Intimates
Feeling comfortable in your skin can go a long way. Often overlooked though is the importance of being comfortable. Both ideas of comfort are at the heart of Maya Lyn’s business Bed Peace Intimates.
The idea for Bed Peace Intimates initially came to Lyn in high school. Since then, she gathered the necessary experiences that made her vision a reality. She studied fashion arts and business at Humber College and then took an intensive sewing course at George Brown College before launching her business on Instagram in spring 2017.
Lyn makes mostly underwear, bralettes and sports bras, usually in bright, vibrant colours. It was important to Lyn to ensure her business was sustainable so all her pieces are made-to-order using made-in-Canada organic cotton hemp.
Since launching, the reception has been overwhelmingly positive. An added bonus of her made-to-order model and using Instagram is that Lyn is able to have more interaction with her customers than she might have had otherwise.
“So they'll send me pictures afterwards, or they'll write really sweet messages about how perfectly they fit or how they love the colour,” explained Lyn.
At the core of her business is the belief that fabrics we keep closest to our bodies should be comfortable and make us feel good. That’s why she’s very appreciative of the feedback because it helps her to see that her business is fulfilling its goals.
Everything comes back to these ideas of comfort and kindness for Lyn.
“It's all about comfort for me. I seldom call it lingerie because I've never been attracted to lingerie. It's just not my jam but intimates to me that means they're comfortable, they're flexible. You can wear it at work, you can wear it at home, you can wear it when you're resting. And it's also sexy. When you feel comfortable in your body you are prone to feeling sexy and good in your body because you feel comfortable,” explained Lyn.
“It's all about comfort for me. I seldom call it lingerie because I've never been attracted to lingerie. It's just not my jam but intimates to me that means they're comfortable, they're flexible."
Especially in the context of the pandemic, choosing something comfortable (and colourful!) can go a long way in making individuals not only feel more comfortable in their bodies but also for brightening their days a bit.
“I know the few days that I haven't got dressed in the morning, those days are just hazy. And it's kind of fun but you do feel a little bit like the day is just a big blob. So maybe having Bed Peace, putting on a nice sports bra that's comfortable, that doesn't have an underwire and putting on a nice, comfortable, colourful pair of underwear and then putting on some sort of comfortable, but home outfit could be a game-changer for people who are stuck at home and feeling it,” said Lyn.
Comfort is for everyone and Lyn feels strongly about ensuring that all aspects of her are accessible and inclusive. She offers a sliding scale for those who may need it. She also strives to be size-inclusive, featuring a size range of small to three XL.
In regards to the promotion of her business, such as for photoshoots, it’s very important for Lyn to work with photographers and models who are Black, Indigenous or People of Colour.
“Collaborating together and being a part of the collaboration team to be like, “Okay, what would make you feel excited to see on an advertisement for underwear?” [is really important] . . . I'm just thinking about how a brand can be all-encompassing and mindful about representation and tokenism and how to actually just make something that's really cool and authentic visually,” added Lyn.
Lyn’s Bed Peace Intimates helps to highlight the importance of feeling comfortable in your skin, figuratively and literally, but furthermore it also actively encourages individuals to seek out comfort and helps them find it.
Currently, Bed Peace Intimates is on a brief hiatus but Lyn has plans to resume her business in the spring.
Gender? I hardly know ‘er!
By: Fran O’Donnell, Contributor
A few months ago I came out as nonbinary, changed my name and started using they/them pronouns. Let’s talk about it. This piece is fragmented and confusing and deliberately so, because boy, oh boy, gender is confusing.
I came out as bisexual many, many years ago and I (mostly, kind of) have my sexuality figured out. It never occurred to me to question my gender. I’ve always been most comfortable when I looked gender-nonconforming, but I just didn’t think about it too much. My discomfort with my body was probably just unrelated, right?
I’ve always been most comfortable when I looked gender-nonconforming, but I just didn’t think about it too much. My discomfort with my body was probably just unrelated, right?
It’s completely normal to want to hide your body away under a mountain of oversized sweaters. It’s absolutely normal to feel uncomfortable seeing your body. It’s perfectly normal to feel like the person you see in the mirror isn’t really you. To feel like your body isn’t yours.
Right?
Image description of a meme I used to have saved on my phone that I can’t find anywhere: A brave warrior has just defeated their foe. The warrior is labelled “Me” and their vanquished foe is “Finally figuring out my sexuality.” But then, behind the warrior, there is an ominous, looming figure labelled “My gender identity”.
Coming out as nonbinary, for me, was a bit like wearing really tight, uncomfortable clothes. You don’t really notice how uncomfortable you were until you take them off. Like “wow, I can breathe again! I didn’t realize I’d stopped breathing”. And once you’ve taken them off, you realize that these clothes haven’t fit you for a long time or maybe they never fit you at all.
Coming out as nonbinary, for me, was a bit like wearing really tight, uncomfortable clothes. You don’t really notice how uncomfortable you were until you take them off. Like “wow, I can breathe again! I didn’t realize I’d stopped breathing”.
Before I get too far ahead of myself, let’s talk a bit about what nonbinary means. A binary is made up of two parts. In this case, male and female. We live in a very binary society, with everything divided up into two. You’re a man or you’re a woman.
If you’ve ever worked in retail, you’ll know that you have to address everyone as ma’am, miss or sir, depending on your judgment of how they look. But what happens when someone doesn’t quite fit into one of these categories?
Nonbinary is an umbrella term that covers a variety of identities and experiences. Some folks switch between masculine and feminine depending on the day, some are both and others prefer to be funky little cryptids that mere mortals cannot identify.
Gender is an intensely personal experience and it varies from person to person. We’re all having gender trouble. For me, I’m most at home outside of the gender binary and I don’t want to be perceived as male or female. So I’m not binary.
When I first came out as nonbinary, I wanted to dress as androgynously as possible. I wanted everyone that saw me to immediately know that I was nonbinary. I had a vague vision of “nonbinary” in my head and I wanted to match it. Should I cut my hair? Should I throw out all the skirts I love so much?
I didn’t do that. First, I really like skirts. They’re so comfortable and they make me feel like a forest fairy. Second, this was just another box that I was needlessly forcing myself into. Kind of the opposite of what I wanted, you know? There’s no one “right” way to be nonbinary. Gender is a spectrum, not a paint-by-numbers.
Why am I writing this now? Because I wish I'd read something like this when I was younger. Seeing myself represented and being understood is the most important thing in the world to me. So if like me, you’re questioning your gender, I just want to let you know that it’s okay. Not only is it okay, it’s rad as heck and I’m super happy for you!
Seeing myself represented and being understood is the most important thing in the world to me. So if like me, you’re questioning your gender, I just want to let you know that it’s okay.
As Abigail Thorn said, “I look inside myself and ask: “Do I feel like a man, or a woman?” And the answer is . . . I feel happy.”
Here are just a few of the resources that helped me out, and I hope they’ll help you out too:
Artist: Edwin Thomas, @edwinthomas__
Title: his last valentine
Medium: single-line digital drawing with watercolour
Description: A first glance, the drawing appears to portray a man giving his girlfriend flowers. However, the details show both individuals with tears leaving their eyes, trying to keep themselves composed in front of each other. It depicts a failed attempt at saving a relationship by making an effort for Valentine's Day. While the flowers appear to be a nice gesture, both individuals know that their relationship is not going to last for much longer. In a way, the flowers are an apology to his girlfriend for his lack of effort in the relationship.
Artist: Jenna Iacobucci, @jennaiacobucci
Title: Pose me (1-5)
Medium: Ink illustration
Description: As with many, growing up with a conservative mindset brings a lot to overcome. But why should we be so scared to appease others? Each person offers a different experience, different backstory, different perspective, different strengths and different struggles — and it's wonderful. If only everyone could appreciate the beautiful composition of shapes they are.
Artist: Jenna Iacobucci, @jennaiacobucci
Title: Comfort (1-2)
Medium: Photography
Description: Do what you need to do to make yourself feel confident. From personal experience — turtle necks, baggy sweaters, long pants and censorship has only brought me delayed anxiety and stress in relations. I truly push for everyone to understand themselves. Don't hide.
Artist: Steffi Arkilander, @peachlily.png
Title: love is domesticity
Medium: Digital
Description: 2SLGBTQIA+ love is often fetishized and over-sexualized. However, 2SLGBTQIA+ love is so much more than how it’s stereotyped — it can be soft, gentle, kind. In this piece, I wanted to highlight the importance of soft, domestic 2SLGBTQIA+ love. I took inspiration from watching and reading about 2SLGTBQIA+ in media and also from my own life experiences to come up with this piece. “love is domesticity” highlights a queer couple watching television together and cuddling during a night in.
Artist: Emelia Da Silva, @emeliainbloom
Medium: Photography
We are stronger together when we love one another
C/O Jon Tyson on Unsplash
In 2020, I was given the insurmountable task as Arts and Culture Editor to create and produce the Silhouette’s annual love and positivity issue, Sex and the Steel City. A tradition for each person in my role, the beginning of SATSC dates back at least 10 years ago.
While it has evolved over the years with each A&C Editor giving it their own spin, the core values remain the same: to give the McMaster and Hamilton communities a creative outlet to talk about sex, body postivity, identity and love. In recent years, SATSC has focused on diversity, self-identity and this year, we focus on education — both formal and informal.
Over the last three years, we have seen a regressional way of thinking from our provincial government. One of the first acts that Premier Doug Ford enacted when elected was to repeal the then-new sex education curriculm.
Updated in 2015 by Kathleen Wynne’s Liberal government, this was the first revision sex-ed had seen since 1998. Topics surrounding 2SLGBTQIA+ communities, sexting, gender identity and consent were added to better keep up with modern values. Instead, the Ford government proposed a new curriculum; however, after much lobbying by students, little was changed.
In the United States and around the world, homophobia and transphobia still run rampant. Sex work continues to be criminalized. Many still wonder if they should teach their kids about “taboo” subjects. While these are issues that are larger than any one person, these are topics that are explored in this year’s Sex and the Steel City. Our way of acknowledging and bringing awareness to these issues that continue to plague society.
Now more than ever, we need unity. We live in a divided world. We live on a divided continent. We live in a divided nation. We live in a divided province. Now is the time to take action, to stand up for what you believe in. Now is the time to unite (albeit virtually) to create change and to be a voice for the voiceless.
Sex and the Steel City is a small annual reminder of that unity that we should all strive for. I hope you take the time to read through the 36 pages of this extended special issue. May this issue serve as a reminder: a reminder that we are stronger together when we love one another.
A guide to a cozy, stay-at-home date night
By: Tracy Huynh, Contributor
While you may not be able to be physically with your loved ones, there are still memorable ways to connect from the comfort of your own home. Whether you’re in a relationship, celebrating with friends or embracing self-love, we’ve got you covered. Here are eight ways to spread the love — and not the virus!
What better way to spend date night than by making art with (and potentially for) a loved one! Grab some paint and follow along with an online class or Bob Ross tutorial. You can also get a pottery painting kit from Play with Clay Hamilton or a cookie painting kit from Cake and Loaf by curbside pickup or delivery.
Light some candles and get glammed up or put on your comfiest set of PJs for a romantic dinner over Zoom. For a bit of a twist, order each other’s meals so that whatever comes to your doorstep will be a surprise.
3. Get out into nature
Tired of screens? Go for a walk while on a call with your significant other or bestie. It’s a great way to get some exercise and enjoy some conversation. If you’re in Hamilton, Cootes Paradise and its picturesque trails are a great option!
Explore an exhibit, talk about your favourite pieces and learn something new. Check out these virtual tours of iconic Hamilton museums including Dundurn Castle, Whitehern Historic House and the Hamilton Museum of Steam and Technology. You can also find virtual tours of world-class museums like the Louvre, NASA museum and the Smithsonian!
Connect with your partner musically by having a virtual jam session. If you’re feeling extra creative, you could even turn it into a songwriting night. Even if you’re not musically gifted, anyone can sing karaoke!
Escape into a virtual world with games like Animal Crossing and Minecraft or unleash your competitive spirit with classic games like chess and Battleship. Want to see how you work as a team under stress? Try a virtual escape room.
Find a script of your favourite movie or a random play and be over-the-top silly! If you’ve got a knack for impressions, this is your chance to get a few laughs out of your partner.
This card game gives you conversation prompts to get past the small talk and learn more about your partner. For a free alternative, you can find similar prompts on this website.
Thoughts from an Indian emigrant on arranged marriages
By: Sharang Sharma, Contributor
cw: mentions of gender-based violence
As a kid, I was always proud of my parent’s love marriage. For those of you who are not familiar with arranged marriages, the term “love marriage” may feel redundant. As an Indian emigrant, I was always aware of the dichotomy between these two, though I never really understood the difference.
I used to think that arranged marriages were strange, archaic and even barbaric rituals, where families forced their children into unwanted marriages where they would live loveless lives.
So I was proud of my parents. They escaped! They were romantic revolutionaries! But as it tends to be with most things in life, things weren’t this simple.
Though there are still countless forced marriages that occur in and out of South Asia, arranged marriages are just defined as those first set up by the families of those being wed.
One family has an unwed son, another an unwed daughter (since these are, for the most part, very heteronormative) and the two families think they’ll like each other. They set up a meeting and see how it goes between them.
I once thought arranged marriages only occurred in India, but many emigrants still get arranged marriages. Often the couples live out long and loving marriages, as my aunt and some of my uncles can attest to.
Yet still, this notion struck me as strange. Isn’t love meant to be individual? Isn’t love supposed to come before marriage? After all my years living away from India, my family and the culture to be found there, I couldn’t really fathom the idea of getting an arranged marriage and why one would do so. So I asked my parents about it.
After all my years living away from India, my family and the culture to be found there, I couldn’t really fathom the idea of getting an arranged marriage and why one would do so. So I asked my parents about it.
Usually I think of arranged marriages as an old tradition, so I was briefly baffled by my dad’s story of putting up an advertisement in the local newspaper to find his sister a match. He took a small break from his doctoral research to go around meeting the families of prospective matches, a “scoping study” as he jokingly called it.
He met a “shady” Delhi family and another from Chandigarh, whom he described as trying really hard to come off as “trim and prim.” Finally, he met my uncle’s family. They were nice, well-off, their son (my uncle) was employed and they even had some links to family friends!
After a bit of vetting with these family friends, they decided to set up a meeting between my aunt and my uncle-to-be and soon enough they agreed to marry each other.
The red thread running through his story was family. Usually in such marriages, the wife will go and live with her husband and his extended family, becoming a part of his family. This isn’t just a union between two people, but between two extended groups.
The red thread running through his story was family. Usually in such marriages, the wife will go and live with her husband and his extended family, becoming a part of his family. This isn’t just a union between two people, but between two extended groups.
What my dad did was make sure that the family that his sister would become part of one that would take care of her. This was a process to ensure she would be happy.
However, there was a darker, blood-red thread running parallel. My grandparents wanted my aunt to marry someone from the same caste and class: this was a non-negotiable.
This aspect of arranged marriage is something we cannot overlook, especially as it becomes more normalized through shows such as Indian Matchmaking.
Due to my mom’s bad experiences with arranged marriage, she is not a fan of the institution. She remembered one United States ex-pat, who had a short-list of his prospective matches and the grades he had given them.
That’s right. Grades. B, B+, A- and so on his short-list ran. One word stood out as she spoke about this: “humiliating.” Being graded as though one were a mere collection of attributes and characteristics which could be quantified and maximized.
The other experience was being pressured to marry by a certain age. My mom not so fondly recalled her dad pressuring her to get married before she was “too old.”
Well, she knew a woman who had been pressured into an unwanted marriage and her husband had turned out to be emotionally and physically abusive. This was not the life my mom wanted.
The pressures my mom and other women faced are less prevalent for men. My dad got married in his early 30s and his parents never tried to push him into a marriage he didn’t want.
This dark side of arranged marriages had turned me against it when I was young. My mom had told me all about it: arranged marriages are steeped in patriarchal practices. Though perhaps not the barbaric practice it is often viewed as in many western countries, it is not a clean one either.
My mom had told me all about it: arranged marriages are steeped in patriarchal practices. Though perhaps not the barbaric practice it is often viewed as in many western countries, it is not a clean one either.
Talking to my parents was elucidating, but still, I don’t think I could ever get an arranged marriage. However, this is not to say that love marriage and marriage as seen from a more western perspective are perfectly ethical.
In fact, talking to my parents helped me realize the issues obscured in our own rituals of dating, love and marriage. Class and caste are important for many people but only arranged marriages are upfront about it. It would also be absurd to imagine that we have totally torn down patriarchal structures.
Rather than only criticize these issues in arranged marriages, we ought to use them as a mirror to examine our own practices of love.
Male-identifying students share their perspectives on masculinity
In Michael Ian Black’s New York Times essay, The Boys Are Not All Right, he expressed his opinions on the topic of masculinity far more eloquently than I possibly could.
“To be a girl today is to be the beneficiary of decades of conversation about the complexities of womanhood, its many forms and expressions. Boys, though, have been left behind. No commensurate movement has emerged to help them navigate toward a full expression of their gender,” wrote Black.
The Silhouette sat down with male-identifying students to hear their takes on masculinity and how their experiences have shaped their self and gender identities.
Avery Jackman
In his fourth year of the health and society program, Avery Jackman is loud and proud of his identity. Through his work with CFMU’s Rainbow Radio and more, he encourages students to lay claim to their identity.
Jackman views masculinity as complex and multi-faceted. An outer reflection of your inner self, masculinity is something deeply personal and individual. Concurrently, finding one’s own definition of masculinity involves an interplay of historical, societal and biological factors.
He described his elementary school experience as a time in his life where he couldn’t necessarily pinpoint what masculinity was but began to understand how to ascribe to it — how to walk, how to talk, how to sit.
“My earliest memory [of discovering the concept of masculinity] was unfortunately as a young kid, being bullied for being different. I distinctly remember it because I actually found an old picture from kindergarten . . . of me with my friend in the kitchen wearing a pair of heels and a dress. I didn't think anything of it until the picture was posted in the hallway and older kids had seen it,” said Jackman.
Dance and self-expression helped Jackman find his identity through the years. Growing up, he described a constant inner conflict between his own style of dance and that which he was taught to ascribe to — a hyper-masculine archetype of the “male lead.” Jackman currently teaches heels dance classes.
“I [decided] to find a style of dance that aligns with my identity and how I want to express myself. It's art and art is not up to one person's perception. It's what you want to do and what I wanted to make was a dance that showed men being fluid, quote-unquote feminine and challenging gender and dance,” said Jackman.
It was in university that Jackman really began to experiment with identity expression, noting the importance of friends who allowed him to be authentically himself in his personal journey.
“I remember the first time I wore heels to school, before I left the house I called my friends to say, "I'm wearing heels to school. I need you to be on speed dial just in case something happens. Either hate crimes or I fall and get embarrassed. I need you to be there for me because this is a big step." I [was] feeling overwhelmed . . . It's important to have a good group of friends and have a support system,” said Jackman.
Jackman hopes that students understand that gender is a non-binary, individual concept with no set model. How you choose to express your masculinity or femininity does not need to align with anything you've seen before.
“Create your own path through the [world] . . . People's journey of self-exploration is personal and something that, even though it, unfortunately, is politicized, is also not up for debate. Once you learn to unpack the things that you've learned and been taught, you start to invite the person you want to be without the social constructions of others telling you who you should be. Show [that person to] the world, even if there is backlash. I guarantee you, somebody will appreciate you for it, someone will love you for it and somebody will be inspired by it,” said Jackman.
Max Pinkerton
Max Pinkerton is a fifth-year commerce student who plays for the McMaster rugby team. This past year, he was in charge of the McMaster Movember campaign, advocating for men’s mental health.
Pinkerton grew up playing hockey and rugby, both of which are extremely physical sports. He described the norms that arose as a product of the competitive sports environment. Although the ideas of “manning up” or “being a man” came up, he also found a sense of brotherhood in the shared journey of claiming one’s own identity in sports.
“There’s definitely a sense of unity when you all struggle together. You don't have to struggle in silence, it's something that you can talk about. The strength is in showing your weakness and moving forward,” said Pinkerton.
In his pursuit of destigmatizing open discussion about masculinity and men’s mental health, Pinkerton proposed not shying away from difficult conversations and taking the initiative to talk to friends and loved ones about gender.
“[Men] make up 75% per cent of suicides [in Canada]. That is a crazy number to think about, but I think the fact that we're now having discussions about it, — talking about why this number is so high and what we can do to [motivate people] not to tough it out, but actually talk to others about it — goes against that old school concept of being a man. I do think it's changing, and it's changing for the better,” said Pinkerton.
Rogelio Cruz González
As the president and founder of the McMaster Men’s Health Society, Rogelio Cruz González is a second-year life sciences student with a passion for advocacy and men’s health. In his personal journey with gender, González explained that he began to grasp the concept of masculinity when he moved to Canada from Mexico in his early teens.
“In North America, it’s a bit more open-minded when it comes to how men are expected to act. In more [traditional] cultural backgrounds, like Mexico, it's still very enforced that men have to be the providers. They have to be the strong person that carries the family on their shoulders. They're the ones that show determination and courage and strength . . . and that's partially due to the fact that they still stick to their traditional roots of the nuclear family,” said González.
As González has had the opportunity to explore what it means to be a man in various cultures, he has expressed disappointment in certain cultures’ restrictive views.
Having seen the repercussions of trying to make one’s self-identity fit into these restrictive moulds, González stressed the importance of open discussion with others on the topics of masculinity and mental health.
“Often times as men, we fail to take care of ourselves and that ultimately not only impacts us but it impacts the people around us. If you're not good to yourself, those problems eventually start to [outwardly] express themselves . . . If [people] really try to care for and invest in themselves, to make sure their own needs are met and their own desires are reached, we will create this positive change,” said González.
Tristan Lindo
In his third year of communications studies and a player for the McMaster men’s basketball team, Tristan Lindo described masculinity as a term denoting a sense of respect and power.
As is the case with many individuals, the portrayals of masculinity and body image that Lindo saw in the media as a child largely shaped his definition of masculinity.
“When [you’re] younger, you look at the media and you're seeing these big muscular guys and then you look at yourself. I have a more slender build, so I [would] think, “am I not a man?” Now that I've matured and gotten older, I realized there's way more to it than that,” said Lindo.
Lindo wants labelling to be less normalized, in the goal of breaking down stereotypes of what it means to be a man.
“It's kind of happening right now, but I wish society could come to a place where there's no real image of masculinity. Kind of like what they've done in the beauty sector — how they've now recently said that all sizes, all shapes and all colours are all beautiful. It should be the same thing for men. All men are masculine,” said Lindo.
For students, Lindo imparted the importance of staying true to one’s own identity.
“People are going to have their own perspectives, views and opinions. Stay true to yourself, and don't let anyone's opinion shake you then. Don't let anyone tell you what you are and what you are not,” said Lindo.
What happens when your sister starts dating your close friend?
By: Niko Haloulos, Contributor
When my sister started dating one of my closest friends, I felt like I was looking into a kaleidoscope. I was distracted by the twisting shapes of my emotions, thoughts and feelings, but as time went on, I decided to look at their relationship as a full, unified pattern and it changed everything.
When we were allowed to see a few friends outdoors, I hosted a 19th birthday party. As smoke and laughter filled the air, I peeked over to see that my friend had snuck into the chair beside my sister. I guess they had been talking the entire night, even though they had never met before.
I woke up the next day and realized that my sister was acting giddier than normal. When I asked her about it, she simply said, “You know, if your friend there ever asks for my number, you can give it to him.”
Suddenly I realized that my friend and my sister had begun to develop something that they both thought was special. I couldn’t hinder that so when I met up with my friend a few days later, I offered to give him my sister’s phone number. He accepted.
I did not think much about the consequences of setting them up. It seemed like pretty standard procedure, just passing along a phone number and encouraging my friend to ask her out on a date.
At the time of the party, my sister was only a few months removed from a gruelling breakup so this felt like a good way for her to meet someone for whom I had the utmost respect, trust and love. For my friend, it was a chance for him to meet someone who would help him become a better man. So why did I have such a problem with it?
My sister was only a few months removed from a gruelling breakup so this felt like a good way for her to meet someone for whom I had the utmost respect, trust and love. For my friend, it was a chance for him to meet someone who would help him become a better man. So why did I have such a problem with it?
I began to close myself off from the two of them and I felt myself disliking my friend for a few weeks. I constantly reminded myself that I had offered to share my sister’s phone number and that I had known that he would be a really, really good match for her. Even though I knew this deep down, on the surface I could not help but feel like they were pulling themselves away from me.
I knew I could trust my friend but suddenly, like the flip of a switch, I went into protective brother mode. I couldn’t look at my friend without wondering how he was going to treat my sister poorly and though I know she can stand up for herself, it felt necessary.
Whenever my friend would come to the house, it felt like my sister and I were fighting over him. I would only be allowed in the basement for a certain amount of time because eventually she would ask to be alone with him.
I would throw the “Well, he was my friend first. Why can’t I talk to him?” and my sister would become frustrated. I said passive-aggressive things about their relationship and got angry whenever she said he was coming over.
Soon enough, my sister became worried that I had a problem with their relationship and the anxiety in her expression when she asked me was devastating.
I didn’t own anybody. My sister is strong and knows her own worth, but for her to suddenly think that she would be offending me was a wake-up call.
My friend, too, became worried that he had crossed some kind of line. He asked my sister if I was truly unhappy about them being together and said he wished I would talk to him personally. When my sister told me what he had said, I was saddened.
I had been blinded so much by my pride that I forgot to consider one thing: happiness. Being with my friend had brought a sparkle to my sister’s eyes that had been absent for a long time. My friend, too, slowly began to change, becoming more mature.
I had been blinded so much by my pride that I forgot to consider one thing: happiness. Being with my friend had brought a sparkle to my sister’s eyes that had been absent for a long time. My friend, too, slowly began to change, becoming more mature.
After long talks with my sister and my friend, we reached a better place. We still had some small riffs, but the instances of disagreement became more lighthearted, rather than rooted in jealousy and regret.
When he came over to see my sister, I knew my only role was as the brother. When my friend and I planned to hang out, I didn’t discourage him from saying hi to my sister.
I’ve realized that all three of us have become stronger emotionally by sharing this love that propels itself in different directions. My trust in my friend has grown exponentially because of how he has treated my sister.
While we’ve always been close, I have been able to communicate more openly with my sister since her relationship with my friend started.
The awkwardness took time to clear and I had to communicate very openly about how I felt. Now I’m still standing in the middle ground, figuring out how to equally distribute my time between my friend and my sister and not get in the way of something truly special.
Their relationship is not a violation, but more of an invitation for me to explore just how appreciative I can be about something that is so genuine, pure and beautiful.
