By: Ana Qarri
Much to our dismay, not everyone has the voice of Adele, or the musicality of Joni Mitchell. (This is probably for the best, as I can’t imagine much would get done if we never stopped singing, playing guitar, and composing tear-jerking melodies about Manhattan hotels.)
This means that when it comes to serenading our significant others, and even our friends, we have to rely on other people’s voices and strumming fingertips.
However, (and don’t let that one musically talented friend tell you otherwise) making playlists is an art of its own.
It all started with the mixtape. The mixtape wasn’t a technological masterpiece. As my parents found out the hard way, its contents could be easily destroyed in the hands of a curious 5 year old. But it wasn’t the design or the structural ingenuity that gave each mixtape meaning.
In the hands of love-struck teenagers, the mixtape was the perfect paper for their very first love letter. Between pressing Record/Play/Stop and leaving too many seconds of silence between songs, they started feeling the first pangs of what they thought was love.
Handed nervously on the 61st day of a relationship, the mixtape was the perfect gold to engrave the promise of another 61.
Some say that the beauty of playlists vanished along with mixtapes.
While dragging songs on iTunes doesn’t seem as romantic as spending hours recording a tape, the drawbacks of the technology weren’t the artist’s real hardships. Making a playlist is about spending hours deciding which song to begin with, or deferring this crucial decision until the end of the process. You don’t want to overwhelm them right away, but you do want to let them know that overwhelming is what you’re aiming for.
Making a playlist is about deciding when you want to feel the bass kicking in. Is the fourth song too soon? Do you want the vibrations of your heart beat to resonate across their sound system or does this make you feel too vulnerable? Will you throw in some James Blake or Frank Ocean to let them know what their absence feels like, or will the silence suffice? Will it reflect all you’ve ever felt for them, or will you focus on that one night when all you really wanted to do was sit next to them?
When you’ve placed them next to each other, arranged the breaks in between to give someone time to think and time to breathe, these sounds become yours.
So, if you lack musical skills, don’t despair. There are millions of songs out there, all waiting to be added to a playlist, all waiting for you to give them meaning.
In the heat of the moment we do not always have the luxury of time to stop and simply press play. Between the removal of clothes, especially during the layer-ridden winter months, some things just take precedence.
That being said, if there is ever time to put on the breaks and reach for your iTunes, an entire new world of enjoyment awaits. Adding music to the already melodious world of sex brings about a sensory experience like no other.
Sitting down to pick a mix of songs right then and there may be counter-productive and ambitious. There is nothing wrong with having prepared playlists specifically for the occasion. And much like anything else, variety is important.
Before sitting down and selecting your musical accompaniments consider that though it be taboo, sexual tempo and musical tempo go hand in hand. Additionally, there is nothing more fragile and crucial than mood.
However, the most important thing, above all else, is being you. It will be totally transparent to your partner if the music you play is out of character. For example, if AC/DC and the Doors are staples in your musical diet, busting out R. Kelly or Usher may not work in your favor. Granted, there are exceptions as some people have eclectic and versatile tastes in music; kudos if this describes you.
For everyone else, there are a few rules of thumb. It is undeniable that certain songs and genres are better but before venturing out of your comfort zone, first peruse your library to find the sexiest music you have.
Keep in mind that sex can often take on many forms. There is nothing wrong with having a couple of playlists that reflect the type of sex you want to have.
From personal experience, keeping three playlists at your disposal is the way to go. The first should be obvious: a slow and more romantic compilation for special people or encounters. For me, there are several ways to accomplish this mood and tempo. “Thinkin About You” by Frank Ocean, “Rolling Stone” by The Weeknd, “Purple Rain” by Kiss and “Falsetto” by The Dream are just a few of my most recommended for this purpose.
A second playlist should be for slightly more casual or lusty experiences that can range anywhere from a post-bar tryst to solid make-up sex. On this one I tend to go with a little more bass. “Work Out” by J. Cole, “You Shook Me All Night Long” by AC/DC, “Internet Friends” by Knife Party (trust me), and “The Ex” by Billy Talent (trust me again) each bring some extra adrenaline to the table, or whatever other surface works.
The third and final playlist should be the most mixed in terms of tempo and genre. The variety is meant for someone you are used to and comfortable with - which often leads to a variety of different sexual experiences. Generally, this would be a regular partner or significant other. A few suggestions include “Passenger” by Deftones, “The Zone” by The Weeknd ft. Drake and “Crave You” by Adventure Club.
Sex music is different for everyone and it is all about what works for you, your experience and those you choose to share it with. Select your music with care and you will definitely add a different level of enjoyment to one of the most beautiful forms of human interaction.
By: Ana Qarri
Are you crushing? Are you broke? Are you having a hard time believing that money can’t buy you love? Lucky for you, we’re here to restore your faith in popular sayings and Beatles song references. Here are five totally acceptable cheap date ideas:
Candy Picnic.
Candy picnic? Yes, a candy picnic. Now that you’ve read this phrase three times, and it hopefully sounds normal enough, we can talk. What’s cuter that going up to someone and saying “Hey lovely, would you like to eat your favourite candy with me at some park as we look up at the Hamilton sky, where stars could potentially be spotted?”
The ‘lovely’ is optional.
The wink that follows is not.
Urban Exploring.
If you aren’t into watching the stars and reciting poetry on the first date (or ever), walking around the city and finding abandoned sites, old buildings, and hidden spots could be just what you need. You can get to know Hamilton as you get to know your date. If things don’t work out with this one, at least you’ll get a long list of places to choose from for your next date.
Art.
Whether or not you’re actually artistically knowledgeable, speak with a fake (or real) British accent and charm your date with your humour and wit. Conversations about art are never boring. Luckily for you, Hamilton delivers with its monthly Art Crawls and McMaster’s own Art Museum. So grab a hand (consensually) and get some (culture).
Skating, Biking, etc…
Take your fairly-significant other skating. If they don’t know how to skate, you can hold their hand and teach them. If you both own bikes, get on them and ride away into the sunset, wherever that may be. Probably west.
Your bed.
Alright, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, but beds can be pretty comfortable; the weather is horrible and you want to stay indoors. So watch a movie, listen to music, bake some cookies, make some tea and talk about your lives - all from the comfort of your very own bedroom.
Making out is totally an option, too.
The most beautiful and enriching experience in life is to be in love and enjoy a romantic relationship with another person. There is always someone there to support you and pick you up when you need it most. Maybe they keep you up at night or maybe they let you rest peacefully knowing they’re around. You are unique individuals that bring out the best in one another and nothing can come between the two of you. The world around you slows down when you are with them and not much else seems to matter. Finding yourself lost in such a labyrinth of intense emotions, one thing is impossible to fathom: the end.
Maybe you are perfect for one another, maybe you are soul mates, but most people entangled in such passion never stop to realize that maybe you are not. As good as things get, there is most often something better - a tough pill to swallow for an addict recovering from their affliction.
How could someone that knows I don’t like the crust on my PB & J sandwiches not be there to enjoy them with me? That person knows my quirks and all of my secrets. They know just what to say and when to say nothing at all. How on earth could I go on without such comfort and security?
The answer is simply that anything is possible. Whether it has been told to you directly or not, there is one saying that holds true despite being one of the most overused clichés in human history: good things come to an end so that better things can come together.
For some, hearing that is like salt in a wound. The magic spell that is love and everything it involves can be illogical. However, as any wise person will tell you, the first love is not the last.
The morning always comes after the night and someone will always be better for you than your high school sweetheart. There are outliers, to whom I applaud.
Of course, some people find the perfect person for them early and never let go. Those people are the most blessed. For the rest of us, though, things are not that easy.
It is impossible to truly love someone until you love yourself. Corny, I know, but there is plenty of validity to those words. Some people, like those I have just mentioned, grow together and it all just works. Others grow apart.
Falling for someone at one point in your life, with one set of circumstances, fails to account for the fact that our world, the people in it, and the way you feel, is constantly changing.
So in the case that you find yourself at the end of a relationship because the two of you have grown apart or simply because it is no longer working, you can do one of two things.
You can let it defeat you, or you can choose to see the brightness and possibility of the future.
No one should ever affect you in a way where you cannot function in his or her absence and no one should ever prevent you from growing as a person, for the sake of growing as a couple. If they do, letting go should be much easier.
It may seem hard at first, but remember that there is something even better and more perfect ready and waiting for you to stumble across.
No one likes goodbyes and no one likes the ending of a good story. But all stories have endings. And nothing is more important than being your own author when it comes to a love story, since you are the main character.
By: Ana Qarri
Put your hand up if you like someone. Put your other hand up if they don’t like you back. Now worm out of your seat and fall on the floor if “you’re great,” but they “just don’t see you that way.”
Lay there.
Welcome to the Friend Zone. Our motto is, “You’ll never find love in this hopeless place,” and our favourite pastime is living in a constant state of denial. We like to wallow in self-perpetuated sadness, while making no efforts to leave this zone of obsessive behaviour and overly friendly gestures. We’re usually found next to our close friend, being hilarious, throwing compliments around like they ain’t no thing, and being excessively pleasant in general.
Honestly, we’re a catch.
Firstly, as a representative of this very sad community, I would like to ask: Why? Why do you smile at us as if you aren’t thinking about making out under a tree somewhere behind Hamilton Hall? Why do you ask us out to dinner if it doesn’t involve a shared spaghetti scene straight out of Lady and The Tramp? And finally, if we’re so great that you want to spend every waking moment with us and tell us about your whole life, why not just sweep us into your (perfect) arms?
The friend zone can be awkward, and this is an understatement. You try not to stare, but sometimes, you just have to. Don’t blame yourself. Staring at people is a compliment – a very creepy compliment. You try to act completely unfazed when your hands touch, but that’s followed by the terrible realization that you probably aren’t a great actor. Your heart really needs to stop beating so loudly, and if your obsession wasn’t already tragically obvious, it probably becomes so when you reply to their texts within the nanosecond.
Finding yourself in the Friend Zone can be devastating. It’s a barren land, yet one thing remains: Hope.
Hope is the driving force of the Friend Zone. Hope is what makes it so heartbreaking, so difficult to leave. If you find yourself in the friend zone, recall the Myth of Sisyphus. You are Sisyphus pushing a rock up a hill, and when you’re almost there, when you think they finally want to hold your hand and share the weight, the rock falls back down to the bottom. And you push it up, again and again. It might be heavy, but you know you can’t stop. You still have Hope.
The question is: Is Hope good or bad? Is it okay to have Hope in situations like this?
Of course, we regard hope as a great thing. Hope is perhaps humanity’s greatest tool – it is its motivator for change, a reason to live, to survive. Yet the Ancient Greeks would like to disagree. They generally thought that Hope was an evil. Hope is associated with expectation, which when unfulfilled can be devastating, especially if it occurs repeatedly. While Hope keeps you going, an excess of Hope could leave you defeated. It could lead to days (perhaps even weeks) of watching bad reality TV shows, eating buckets of ice cream and Nutella, and wiping your tears with No Name brand tissues.
So, in the end, it’s up to you. Hope or not, the Friend Zone rarely has any secret passageways to the Zone. Sadness is only temporary, but clinging on to possible scenarios, hoping that maybe another you in another universe is cuddling with the cutest human ever, will only prolong it.
The Friend Zone can be hard to understand. Its outcomes are never certain. It could make you upset and angry. It could hurt your feelings, or you could be one of the lucky few who manage to push that rock over the hill and come out victorious. Truth is, you’ll never really know until you try.
Everyone’s had that incredibly awkward moment in a restaurant, where you’re just trying to enjoy your magnificently delicious entree at your own leisure, when you regrettably break your loving gaze with your food, only to find another couple passionately playing the traditional sport of saliva-swapping tonsil hockey. Hastily averting your embarrassed gaze, you turn your attention back to your plate, only to miserably realize that the only thing your lips have come in contact with is that mouthwatering steak or those fabulously greasy fries.
The awkward part here, though, is not even that you witnessed such an open display of affection, but the fact that the couple in the embarrassingly passionate embrace are your friends.
It’s a universal fact, a common right of passage, if you will. Every one has, at some point in their lives, played the humorous, humiliating, or hazardous role of a third wheel. Whether it was intentional or not, we’ve all had outings where we have been stuck with the role of the the misfit or the aptly named awkward turtle.
Ultimately, the world renowned “Urban Dictionary” defines the art of being a third wheel as “one who deters the socialization of a couple, perhaps when being invited out of pity or through a feeling of duty.” Surprisingly, the universally acknowledged, world renowned, highly respected Urban Dictionary is dead wrong.
As the Queen of Third Wheeling, a master of awkward turtle-ness, a Sansei in tricycle-kung fu, I can confidently say that the role of the third wheel is to be taken with pride, dignity, massive responsibility, and most importantly - humour. Therefore, I am pleased to pass on this ancient art form as well as inform you of the duties that must be fulfilled in order to fully enjoy this role, and ultimately avoid embarrassing yourself.
As a third party individual, the first thing to remember is the importance of boundaries. Never invite yourself as a third wheel, wait for an invitation to come to you. If you’re already a naturally awkward person, your friend who has just entered into a relationship will be eagerly calling you within a day. Do not fret. Your time to shine is near. Forcing yourself upon a couple, however, may risk the possibility of intruding on their “quality time.” Doing so may result in embarrassingly awkward instances that will surely scar you for life.
When invited to tag along with a couple, remember your essential role. You are the entertainment. They are nobility, you are the jester. You were invited for the sole purpose of being laughed at, made fun of, and felt sorry for. Therefore, embrace this role with your entire being. In other words, let the banter rein! They don’t care about your upcoming midterm or your dog’s new range of showtricks, despite the fact that these are your favourite topics to talk about. Try your best to show this couple a good time. Make jokes, laugh until you can’t breathe, and unleash your innate gift for sarcasm.
Here come’s the worst part: as a third wheel, it is your duty to witness some instances of “couple cuteness,” otherwise known as public displays of affection. Therefore, be sure to offer an “awww” or an adoring gaze each time they kiss or hold hands. This won’t be creepy unless you attempt to join in. And I know how hard it is to swallow back the vomit that threatens to escape, but it is your duty to witness those hideously cute moments. At the same time, don’t be afraid to speak up when your friends go over board and things get too awkward for you.
If you have these simple rules down, then you should be good to go! The third wheel life is not an easy one, but it’s a rewarding one. You make your friends happy. You get to witness those unpleasant aspects of relationships that make you grateful to be a free individual. And hey, being a third wheel doesn’t have to be a permanent role. Tell your accompnying couple to bring another friend; you know what they say - two’s a party, three’s a crowd, but four’s a fiesta!
By: Jamie Hillman
The cold weather is quickly approaching, and it's the perfect time to snuggle with someone near the fireplace, sipping hot chocolate. But, what if you can't find that special someone to share the romantic, winter nights with? Meeting people at school can be challenging, especially in a crowded lecture hall. If you're looking for someone to spend some time with in the upcoming chill, here are some tips that will make meeting people a little easier.
DO: attend your tutorials. It's a lot easier to talk to people when you're in a small group, and a collaborative environment allows you to get to know your classmates on a more personal level.
DO: join a group on campus. This is a great way to meet people that share similar hobbies, making it much easier to strike up conversation.
DO: start up a study group. Ask some people in class, or on a Facebook group, if anyone wants to meet up to review before an exam. This allows you to not only study for a test, but also to find someone to sit with in future classes. You’ll be putting the “date” in “study-date” in no time.
DON'T: be shy during class. If people see that you're willing to participate, it makes you appear more sociable and approachable. Confidence looks good on everyone.
DON'T: go home every weekend. Make plans with your housemates to meet some other students that live in your area. Knock on your neighbours door, and invite them over to have a few drinks and get to know each other.
DON’T: be afraid of sparking up a conversation with that young lad or lass sitting across from you. Don’t be afraid to pursue that chemistry (1A03, for example). And don’t be afraid to let the sparks fly where they may.
With the seasonal cups coming out at Starbucks, and the holiday season just around the corner, it’s the perfect time to meet that special someone to help keep you warm this winter.
By: Arnav Agarwal
While many couples like to match up for a spooky Halloween celebration, the idea of complimentary couple costumes does not settle well with everyone. A costume duo might be cute to some, but many find the combo a little bizarre and too much to handle.
“We trick-or-treat together every year,” said one young couple in Mississauga. “It only makes sense to costume-code. It keeps us feeling young. And getting candy, of course. Who doesn’t like candy?”
From Peanut Butter and Jelly twosomes to NASCAR match-ups, and Air Pilot and ‘Sexy Flight Attendant’ duos, shops are stocked with just the right couple-related Halloween gear to draw some serious attention (and candy, for those who never tire from trick-or-treating). If the classic pairings don’t suit your taste, feel free to throw in some contemporary mixes like Zoolander and Mugatu, Gwen and Amazing Spiderman, Red Foo and Skyblu from LMFAO, or Red and Yellow Angry Birds, and that should be enough to get any party on the road!
And although many a couple pairing may be cheesy and weird, matching costumes can up their perks under the covers. The fun doesn’t have to stop on the streets and dance-floors, couples can often take their role-plays one step further: All Hallows’ Eve need not spare the bedroom setting.
“What’s Halloween without a little bit of spicing up?” said a Hedden Hall McMaster student in response to the costume ideas. “If we’re dressing up, let’s dress for double trouble. By the way, this is kept anonymous, right?”
For all the femme fatales and Prince Charmings out there, a chance to dress up might be far more than a Halloween costume stunt; it is a chance to step up the intimacy in the bedroom with their significant other even after the festive night has passed. While having fun with role-play, the heaps of candy and the spooky tunes of Halloween might be drowned out for many couples, for whom the attention will be on the “afterparty” of the traditional celebrations.
By getting creative with intimate attire, frisky fantasies and holiday excitement is just one step away. Who needs the candy when there are plenty of goods already waiting at home?
By: Paulina Prazmo
It begins with a smile, a hello and then a “may I have your number?” Fast-forward to the first kiss, first fight, first time meeting the parents. First “I love you.” And then, for some, escalating to that first big trip you take together as a couple. How do you know when it’s the right time for you and your significant other to take a vacation together? Will it put a strain on your relationship? Or will it make it stronger?
McMaster couple Alex Holjevac and Kelsey Murray, both psychology majors, have been together for a year and offered to shed some light on this relationship milestone. The two of them recently took a horse-drive trip to Kananaskis, Alberta, located right outside of Banff National Park. This was no ordinary romantic “let’s fall in love again horseback riding into the sunset” trip. It involved pain from being on the horses for five hours a day, being thrown off the horse into horse waste and the potential of being trampled in a stampede. It included sleeping in tents, being drenched from the recent thunderstorm and completely losing it because the last meal they had was a granola bar six hours ago. It sounds downright frightening - especially when you look over to your travel buddy and it’s your boyfriend or girlfriend. Nevertheless, Alex and Kelsey both said with grins as big as horseshoes that it was the single greatest experience of their life.
They explained how such a trip out of the city to a more rural setting taught them something new about each other. Each of them got to see a different side of one another. Alex said it was a really good time to test their relationship and step outside of their comfort zone to see what they are like when taken away from everything that is familiar to them. It provided an opportunity to learn new things about each other and about their relationship. Alex learned that Kelsey is strongly driven and wants to succeed in everything that she does, even if there are obstacles in the way. Kelsey learned that Alex has a lot more mental strength than she thought before. “I also learned how much he wants to be a cowboy,” she laughed. They both learned that they do not necessarily need to have everything in common between the two of them and it is definitely important to respect the other person and understand where they are coming from.
Alex and Kelsey recommended that if you are thinking of traveling with your significant other to make sure that both of you have been in a healthy and comfortable relationship for no less than seven months. They said it is a good idea to start off taking day trips together and working up to weekend trips to feel out the possibility of a longer trip. To those couples who are already thinking or planning a trip together, they advised to plan ahead and not to let the little things disrupt the exciting trip you two are going on together. “Relax and enjoy it. Don’t focus on the small things because in the end that doesn’t matter. What matters is having an adventure together,” said Alex. Kelsey also gave some insight about traveling with your significant other: “Try not to have too many expectations. You start looking for things that aren’t there. Have things fall where they should and let the memories make themselves.”
Most people would do anything for their friends. Most people's friends would do anything for them. That’s why at one point or another, boy or girl, we have all either been or needed a wingman in some way. Some may claim to need no such assistance, and that’s fine, but there is no shame in being a wingman. In fact, there is plenty to be said for bringing along a trusted partner in crime whenever your goal is to meet someone new.
There is a good deal of merit to the wingman strategy. First, there is always strength in numbers. Attractive single people are usually not just strolling around alone waiting for you to come and save the day, so having a friend to talk to their friend(s) can never be a bad thing.
Second, even the best journalists need quotes to back up their work. It is always good to talk about your accomplishments and what qualities you've been blessed with, but if there is someone there who has some authority on reporting the details of your life, all the more credibility is added to your self-synopsis.
The ideal wingman is fearless, creative and well-spoken. A journey into the wild animal kingdom that is the dating sphere is difficult enough. If your "back-up" is a deer in the headlights, no one is going to benefit.
Also, by this time in a person’s life, they have heard a good deal of lines. If your wingman is lacking in creative spark, you two may just end up shooting the breeze over some Heinekens.
That being said, "my friend thinks you’re pretty" is not ok. No matter how you say it.
Chemistry is the most important factor in designating a wingman.
You may have met (insert name here) in res this year and they are your new closest friend. But if you know very little about one another, it becomes challenging to pull off the type of like-minded synchronization that comes from years of shared experiences in revelry and adventure.
The trust developed over time as friends is imperative to a good tag team. The wingman sometimes has to be deceitful and misleading in order to obtain certain goals. There is no way that you are going to pull off things like changed names, backgrounds or bio's if your Scotty Pippin isn't on the same page.
With great power comes great responsibility. If you are so lucky as to be a wingman for a friend, it is because they consider you to be someone that helps their chances at success (whatever the given goal may be). Do not let them down. When you need a wingman next, they will be there for you.
