Loving yourself and your body is one of the first step to a steady relationship with your partner
Everyone says love is beyond your looks. But this is often easier said than done for many of us who struggle with our body image, particularly in a world of social media.
Body image tends to be connected to self-worth. Being in relationships often causes us to feel vulnerable and self-conscious about our bodies. In some cases, it prevents people from seeking out relationships as they tend to magnify the difficulties and insecurities they may have.
“You can’t love someone else until you love yourself first,” is a common saying we have heard many times — but is this true? This study from 2016 concluded people who were happier with their body tend to have better romantic relationships compared to those who were dissatisfied. Individuals who struggled with their body image reported having more anxious and fearful attachment styles. Overall, though, of the 12,176 participants in the study, only 24 per cent of men and 20 per cent of women reported being satisfied with their appearance.
Katie McCrindle is a registered social worker, body liberation counsellor and activist who works with women and non-binary folks to improve their relationship with themselves. She aspires to create a world where people of all sizes are confident and are in a place of self-acceptance.
“If they're not feeling worthy, or good, then they start to doubt the relationship,” explained McCrindle.
Once they start to become unconfident, their thoughts can spiral down a rabbit hole as it causes them to feel displeased about their bodies and themselves in general. This is especially prominent during intimate moments when people are especially vulnerable and exposed.
“Especially when people are contemplating having sex, I think that is a huge part that impacts body image and how you feel about yourself [by] being in that vulnerable position. It's vulnerable to being naked in front of somebody,” said McCrindle.
“Especially when people are contemplating having sex, I think that is a huge part that impacts body image and how you feel about yourself [by] being in that vulnerable position. It's vulnerable to being naked in front of somebody.”
Katie McCrindle, registered social worker
Having low self-confidence in their appearance can make people more anxious in their relationship and fear that their partner will leave them. The main reason for this may be due to societal pressures and social media.
On social media, the “ideal” woman is curvy with full lips, perfect skin, white teeth and tanned skin. For men, the “ideal” is to have abs, broad shoulders, be over 6 feet and have defined muscles. Realistically, only very few individuals can check off all of these — and that is okay.
Body positivity is important because not only will it improve everyone’s self-confidence, but it will also strengthen everyone’s relationships, whether they are romantic or not. In short, body positivity is accepting all bodies, no matter their race, size, gender or anything else.
“I usually start with body image. [I help] people to learn more self-compassion for those kinds of thoughts and feelings about [their] body because it's pretty normal to have difficult emotions about one's body,” said McCrindle.
“I usually start with body image. [I help] people to learn more self-compassion for those kinds of thoughts and feelings about [their] body because it's pretty normal to have difficult emotions about one's body.”
Katie McCrindle, registered social worker
It is okay if you can’t love everything about yourself. It takes time and patience, but it is important to remember that you will always be there for yourself.
cw: this article references eating disorders/disordered eating
Body Brave Canada is a charitable organization that provides resources and support for individuals struggling with eating disorders/disordered eating. On Nov. 10, they will be holding a Book Swap at The Spice Factory (121 Hughson St. North) in order to being the community together and raise awareness about their work. There will be a reading by local author Anne Bokma for her new book, “My Year of Living Spiritually: From Woo-Woo to Wonderful” and a pop-up shop for the body-positive clothing brand Mettamade.
Julie Shea, the chair of Body Brave’s Board of Directors, says that she hopes the event will help people realize how important it is to have adequate resources for eating disorders/disordered eating.
“Eating disorders are sometimes not given the validation that they need to have. They’re a very serious mental health disorder and I don’t think enough people realize how serious and prevalent they are, and that they have a 10% mortality rate. This is in our community. There are people dying in our community, there are people suffering in our community, and there are no resources,” said Shea.
Body Brave Canada seeks to fill the gap left by traditional health care. They offer a number of accessible options and resources, both in-person and online.
Mettamade is a manifestation of the good work Body Brave has done for the community. It was created by mother-daughter duo Carol Davies and Morgan MacDonald, both of whom have worked with Body Brave in the past. They create clothing that is more forgiving for people who struggle to shop and find clothes that fit. They have designed a sizing system based around gemstones instead of numbers. Rather than a size eight or a medium, you might be a topaz. The fabric is bamboo-spandex, making it both comfortable and sustainable.
“When you wear them it’s like giving yourself self-compassion,” said Davies.
Mettamade frequently collaborates with Body Brave and donates a portion of their sales to the organization. For the Book Swap, 50 per cent of the proceeds will be donated to Body Brave.
“We’re giving back to a group that was instrumental in my daughter’s recovery,” said Davies.
Mettamade was in part created to make more forgiving clothes for MacDonald while she was struggling with an eating disorder. It was during that time that she and Davies started to work with Body Brave. MacDonald wasn’t able to find resources elsewhere, but Body Brave helped her.
https://www.instagram.com/p/B4j2oHtHiCo/
The Book Swap takes place this Sunday Nov. 10 from 2 p.m.-5 p.m. at The Spice Factory. Tickets are $20 each. Bring five books with you and take five away. If you are interested in supporting Mettamade, they have a few pop-up shops coming up this month and a brick-and-mortar store in Westdale.
“We need people to know we’re here, and to support the cause,” said Shea.
To find out more about Body Brave Canada, you can take a look at their website or drop by the Book Swap. If you or someone that you care about is struggling with disordered eating and are not sure where to turn, reach out.
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