By: Paulina Prazmo
It begins with a smile, a hello and then a “may I have your number?” Fast-forward to the first kiss, first fight, first time meeting the parents. First “I love you.” And then, for some, escalating to that first big trip you take together as a couple. How do you know when it’s the right time for you and your significant other to take a vacation together? Will it put a strain on your relationship? Or will it make it stronger?
McMaster couple Alex Holjevac and Kelsey Murray, both psychology majors, have been together for a year and offered to shed some light on this relationship milestone. The two of them recently took a horse-drive trip to Kananaskis, Alberta, located right outside of Banff National Park. This was no ordinary romantic “let’s fall in love again horseback riding into the sunset” trip. It involved pain from being on the horses for five hours a day, being thrown off the horse into horse waste and the potential of being trampled in a stampede. It included sleeping in tents, being drenched from the recent thunderstorm and completely losing it because the last meal they had was a granola bar six hours ago. It sounds downright frightening - especially when you look over to your travel buddy and it’s your boyfriend or girlfriend. Nevertheless, Alex and Kelsey both said with grins as big as horseshoes that it was the single greatest experience of their life.
They explained how such a trip out of the city to a more rural setting taught them something new about each other. Each of them got to see a different side of one another. Alex said it was a really good time to test their relationship and step outside of their comfort zone to see what they are like when taken away from everything that is familiar to them. It provided an opportunity to learn new things about each other and about their relationship. Alex learned that Kelsey is strongly driven and wants to succeed in everything that she does, even if there are obstacles in the way. Kelsey learned that Alex has a lot more mental strength than she thought before. “I also learned how much he wants to be a cowboy,” she laughed. They both learned that they do not necessarily need to have everything in common between the two of them and it is definitely important to respect the other person and understand where they are coming from.
Alex and Kelsey recommended that if you are thinking of traveling with your significant other to make sure that both of you have been in a healthy and comfortable relationship for no less than seven months. They said it is a good idea to start off taking day trips together and working up to weekend trips to feel out the possibility of a longer trip. To those couples who are already thinking or planning a trip together, they advised to plan ahead and not to let the little things disrupt the exciting trip you two are going on together. “Relax and enjoy it. Don’t focus on the small things because in the end that doesn’t matter. What matters is having an adventure together,” said Alex. Kelsey also gave some insight about traveling with your significant other: “Try not to have too many expectations. You start looking for things that aren’t there. Have things fall where they should and let the memories make themselves.”
Most people would do anything for their friends. Most people's friends would do anything for them. That’s why at one point or another, boy or girl, we have all either been or needed a wingman in some way. Some may claim to need no such assistance, and that’s fine, but there is no shame in being a wingman. In fact, there is plenty to be said for bringing along a trusted partner in crime whenever your goal is to meet someone new.
There is a good deal of merit to the wingman strategy. First, there is always strength in numbers. Attractive single people are usually not just strolling around alone waiting for you to come and save the day, so having a friend to talk to their friend(s) can never be a bad thing.
Second, even the best journalists need quotes to back up their work. It is always good to talk about your accomplishments and what qualities you've been blessed with, but if there is someone there who has some authority on reporting the details of your life, all the more credibility is added to your self-synopsis.
The ideal wingman is fearless, creative and well-spoken. A journey into the wild animal kingdom that is the dating sphere is difficult enough. If your "back-up" is a deer in the headlights, no one is going to benefit.
Also, by this time in a person’s life, they have heard a good deal of lines. If your wingman is lacking in creative spark, you two may just end up shooting the breeze over some Heinekens.
That being said, "my friend thinks you’re pretty" is not ok. No matter how you say it.
Chemistry is the most important factor in designating a wingman.
You may have met (insert name here) in res this year and they are your new closest friend. But if you know very little about one another, it becomes challenging to pull off the type of like-minded synchronization that comes from years of shared experiences in revelry and adventure.
The trust developed over time as friends is imperative to a good tag team. The wingman sometimes has to be deceitful and misleading in order to obtain certain goals. There is no way that you are going to pull off things like changed names, backgrounds or bio's if your Scotty Pippin isn't on the same page.
With great power comes great responsibility. If you are so lucky as to be a wingman for a friend, it is because they consider you to be someone that helps their chances at success (whatever the given goal may be). Do not let them down. When you need a wingman next, they will be there for you.
By: Katie Golobic
In the dusk of the summer months, the impending school year unfalteringly coincides with a serious dose of reality and sobriety. For many, however, it also means eight long, difficult months away from their romantic partner. Summer flings have ended, and university is often considered a time to ignite new or old flames of amour amongst fellow students. The adventure of a fresh new relationship is one that many are drawn to. Nonetheless, some decide to brave the task of maintaining a previously established relationship with said summer love, or even a high school sweetheart. The romanticism of long distance relations is one that is easy to fall victim to; it works in the movies, right?
The truth of the matter is (as with all things worth doing) long distance relationships are no walk in the park. They are a marathon of sorts - a long, often mentally straining and emotionally dehydrating marathon - but the payout can be immense.
Though not for the faint of heart, there are many ways to maintain a happy, healthy and long-lasting long-distance relationship. Whether your beau goes to U of T or Harvard, here are some simple, practical ways to keep it together whilst being apart.
Summer Fling: a popular warm weather sport played between the months of May and August. An average match lasts 8 to 12 weeks (give or take a few) and involves two people in a commitment-free form of human interaction, sharing prolonged eye contact and tender moments.
During the summer months it’s always fun to have a little adventure. Whether that be traveling to a new destination, cleaning out your closet, and for some, sparking the fire of a quick summer fling.
Summer romances can be a great way to pass time and feel loved for a few months before the bustle of school starts up again. But what do you do if September comes around and your temporary significant other just won’t let go? Is it possible to break off a summer fling without somebody getting hurt?
“If you’re having a summer fling, you should treat it just as that,” explains second year English student Jamie. “You can’t expect anything more from it, it is what it is.”
That being said, if you have somehow managed to land yourself in the predicament of a summer fling that just can’t be flung, there are a few steps that can be taken to cool the hearth of a heat wave love affair.
If at the start of your relationship you let your partner know that you were not ready for a commitment then thumbs up to you, because you’re already one step ahead! When keeping a casual relationship, it is important to let your other half know what you plan on getting out of this arrangement. If you didn’t let them know up front that for you this was just a four month free-for-all, sit down and let them know that quite simply, it would not be a good idea for you to continue your relationship. If need be, bring up all the commitments that you are already tied to come September - school, work, sports, your Sims family, whatever it is that could potentially cause problems when trying to maintain your relationship.
“It’s when people start anticipating something more from the relationship that problems develop. I personally don’t think summer flings are a good idea or that they can last because someone will almost always end up getting hurt,” stated second year Linguistics student Jenna.
No one should be getting hurt in this situation. There should be no need for you to abruptly end the relationship or suddenly start ignoring the person. Take the time to talk through what is going on and slow things down. And when I say slow things down, let’s make this obvious: I mean between the sheets. Give it a week or two and gradually work your sexual encounters down to a glacial pace, making them as few and far between as possible. It will soon become obvious that you aren’t interested anymore or that you just don’t have the time. Don’t suddenly leave them high and dry (so to speak) after four months of a pretty wild schedule; no one likes feeling used.
Summer flings can be fun and manageable, so long as you make sure not to rush into a relationship you aren’t prepared for. Try to keep the commitment light and airy, especially when it’s nearing its natural end. If in a role reversal you are the one having difficulties letting go, try not to take the blow too hard and understand that in most cases summer flings are just that, nothing more. Reminisce about the good times you did have and rethink how you might handle a similar situation next summer.
If you like it, then you shouldn’t put a fling on it.
Welcome to Welcome Week. In just under a month, McMaster will kick off another school year with a week of orientation designed to introduce, in part, the experience offered here in Hamilton to droves of hormonal kids who aren’t in high school anymore, but have no idea what university is like - no matter how many times they have been to London with a fake ID.
It traditionally gets messy, and is known lovably around North America as “frosh week,” a term of endearment, truly. Livers have suffered, virginities have been won and lost, and reputations will last a lifetime.
When making your “mark” here at McMaster, try your hardest not to leave that mark too many places, or in second year CMST 20-whatevers. It could get a little awkward when you’re sitting in between them for the midterms – know what I mean?
Be selective. There is lots to choose from – we are lucky to go to a school of many cultures, interests and it shows at any school event.
Do not go for anything and everything, try find something you like. By the same token, try not to like too many sets of roommates. Never turns out good for anyone.
Try to be age-conscious, as you don’t want to the gap in generations to come in between what could be a very fruitful physical relationship.
Throughout the year, the school will gladly provide you with guidance for physical and mental health. For now, though, good luck to you.
To some it will be about quantity, to some it will be about quality, but to everyone it will be a life-changing experience.
Always be smart, that’s what got you here. Enjoy.
It goes without saying, but play it safe, as you don’t want one-night stands going sour.
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By: Barbara Anang
Some girls dream of financial independence, others dream of academic pursuits. And some girls, like me, dream of falling into the arms of a wealthy gentleman and having their every whim come true. This dream of a wealthy gentleman can be a reality for many college students, male or female, but venturing into the world of sugaring (sugar babies and sugar daddies) raises questions of morality. Are you an escort? A companion? Have you sold your soul for a little or a lot of financial relief? What constitutes a sugar baby and sugar daddy relationship, and what do you do when sugar turns to salt? The sugar culture is one that has reached Hamilton, but with a tangier taste than most of its participants desire.
Map of the candy factory
A sugar daddy refers to a wealthy men who can afford to pay the price for an attractive companion or “arm candy.” These “daddies” treat their ladies to the finest that life can offer. They make promises to spoil them in exchange for just a few days of their time each month. Other daddies promise trips with all expenses paid, claiming all that they want is someone to spend time with them while they’re away from home. These are sugar-babies who do not sleep with their sugar daddies. Daddies in these situations say that intimacy isn’t expected, but of course is desired — that’s how a mutually beneficial relationship works, right? Having a sugar relationship isn’t for everyone, but if you know what you’re looking for and can come to an agreement, the relationship can be one that is actually positive for both parties.
When you look at websites geared to sugar babies, daddies and mamas, many local profiles state they do not want a stripper or a professional (to put it bluntly, no prostitution or solicitation is allowed). But the reality in the Steel City is that many of these men are actually salt daddies. They present themselves on websites as having wealth, they claim they are willing to negotiate an allowance and help with bills and expenses, but what they’re really looking for is an affair or paid sex with the “girl next door.”
Now that’s not to say that there aren’t sugar babies who are still able to reap the rewards of having a benefactor. With many salt daddies slipping through the cracks, it takes a keen eye to find the right situation that works for you.
Dear Old Salt Daddy
My personal experience as a wannabe sugar baby, was unfortunately more sour than sweet. Not only was it not financially rewarding, it caused me to question my worth in the eyes of men, the poor and rich alike. I don’t have the “western standard of beauty” and that wasn’t a problem when it came to attracting a “potential.” The issue for me was the fetishization of my identity. I shared my thoughts with an acquaintance and they said, “What did you expect?” The reality is men objectify you, and that’s why you’re there. I suppose I just expected that rich men would want to take me out to charity events, the theatre and classy places I can’t normally afford. I forgot that I have the aesthetic that raises eyebrows when I walk into a room with a middle-aged wealthy man. Since the men in the Steel City are actually salt daddies, they’re looking for someone who won’t draw too much attention and cause whispers and raised eyebrows. Salt daddies aren’t really looking to spoil you; they want to pay you a stipend for your use. They might want to dominate you or they might want to be dominated. Either way, the slick ones will make you forget that you hold the power. You’re the one who can choose to back out.
Getting into the sugar game
After experiencing the pitfalls of getting into a situation that was candy-coated, I have some pointers on how to make sure you’re getting the relationship you want. A great option for wannabe sugars babies is to freestyle. What this means is you rely on “chance” to meet a potential by frequenting places where wealthy men go. Upscale bars, charity galas and sporting events are great examples of where you may find your potential. How do you make a connection like that? Older gentlemen don’t often expect the attention of younger women so once they find out they’ve caught your eye, if they’re interested, they’ll approach you and buy you a drink. Sometimes you’ll have to make the first move. If this is the case, the most effective thing to do is to hand him your business card with a legitimate or made-up occupation and he’ll call if interested. After that, it’s up to you to set the terms of your arrangement.
If being a sugar baby is considered working in the sex industry (and to some there’s no doubt that it is), some could argue that it is empowering — women dictating their own terms and benefiting from their charms. There are women who might argue that there’s nothing wrong with dating someone wealthy, and likely older, because it is much more fulfilling than dating someone their own age and ending up with a broken heart. Another group of women might say that it’s degrading and women are selling their bodies to the highest bidder. It’s simply a matter of perspective.
Overall I didn’t have a terrible experience. I went to dinner, had drinks and wonderful conversations until I realized that these men couldn’t afford my company and having sex with them was definitely out of the question (a wise friend once told me, “pussy sells for thousands”). I would definitely try it again, but probably somewhere in Europe or the USA where the sugar culture is much larger and an industry in and of itself. Being paid enough to forgo student loans and a part-time job still sounds wonderful, but maybe it’s time for me to try my hand at being a financial dominatrix instead.
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By: Victoria Marks
When I first heard the term “demisexual” I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I wasn’t an anomaly, I was a perfectly normal human being just like countless others. Then I cried.
I’ve only been attracted to, and wanted to have sex with, a grand total of four people in my entire life. I can objectively evaluate a person, look at them and say, “yes, their facial symmetry and manner of dress is appealing”, but it won’t mean I’m interested in sleeping with them. I’m what is called a demisexual, which is an identity on the asexual spectrum. Asexuality is both an identity and an umbrella term for someone who does not experience sexual attraction. It is not an orientation — meaning that you can be heterosexual or homosexual without being “sexual” at all — and, according to studies, our best guess is that 1% of the population is “ace” (though since asexual people are not typically open about their sex lives — or lack thereof — there is a chance that number is much higher).
Asexuality is different from being celibate or chaste. Asexuals are not abstaining from something they want, instead the want was never there in the first place. Being asexual doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you, and it certainly doesn’t mean you are sick or damaged.
Sexuality is a spectrum. Much like being hetero or homosexual, think of it as a scale, with most people existing somewhere from one end to the other. The label I found that best describes me is “demisexual”, meaning that I very rarely experience sexual attraction, but when I do it is because of a personal and emotional connection with the object of my affections. Outside of being attracted to a select few individuals, I don’t want to have sex. Often times my libido goes entirely dormant when there isn’t someone I’m attracted to in my life (which is most of the time). Usually I’m not attracted to anyone until I’ve known them and grown close to them over months, or sometimes years.
While labels can be incredibly comforting, they can also feel like a burden. Solving the mystery of my jack-in-the-box libido meant that I had to come to terms with the future of my sex life, which, to be honest, looks pretty bleak. I often worry that I’ve “used up” all my sexual attraction on people who didn’t deserve or reciprocate my affection during my teenage years.
I can never have gratifying casual sex, which seems to be everywhere when you can’t have any. I have to explain to every new partner that I may never want to have sex with them and I’ve been accused of not caring for someone because sexual attraction doesn’t magically appear alongside non-sexual affection. I often feel like my relationships are missing something without sex in them, since almost all relationships I see around me — fictional and non-fictional — involve sex. The only mainstream media representation of asexuality I can think of is a House episode where the patient has a brain tumor suppressing his sexuality. Watching relationships develop on television or in fiction is often an exercise in feeling like I can’t relate, while desperately wishing I could.
Asexuals are not abstaining from something they want, instead the want was never there in the first place.
Labels can be great. They make you feel like you are not alone. They can establish communities and help you advocate for yourself. The visibility of the ace community has helped a lot of people understand themselves and come to terms with themselves, but the message that is often missed when trying to explain ourselves to sexual people is how alienating and difficult it can be to come to terms with being ace. To those who think they might be asexual, I want to say that it is alright to be frustrated and confused.
There is a lot of pressure in asexual communities towards self-acceptance — which is brilliant and as it should be — but I’ve spent so much time worrying about why I don’t feel fine that I think it is time for us to say that it’s ok to not be ok. I’m demi-sexual and proud, but not necessarily happy about it. And that is alright.
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By: Susie Ellis
The Everything To Do with Sex Show is an annual convention held at the Enercare Centre located downtown Toronto. The convention is very much the Comic Con of the sex world and has included many different types of attractions. The main floor is filled with multiple stages for performances, as well as vendors who offer services and products to meet all attendees’ sex and kink needs. The floor is also equipped with an Aphrodisiac Cafe and various food trucks for hungry guests. The show offers many seminars and workshops focusing on a variety of subjects. Attendees can learn how to use a strap-on in the Kink Corner or get educated on the “12 Types of Orgasms” in the Seminar Room. The show also features a Wellness Zone (for options on spicing up your workout) and an Erotic Art Area. The Everything To Do with Sex Show offers a safe space to learn and explore the different facets of romance, sexuality, and self-improvement. This show is the best place to let your imagination run wild and learn exciting new things.
The Playground Conference is Toronto’s only intersectional, sex-positive and educational social function. The event, once held as a weekend conference, has been split into quarterly sessions for 2016 (exact dates TBA). The conference features local and international sex and sexuality educators who engage participants in panel discussions, intimate workshops and presentations. In 2015, the conference brought over 310 attendees from various backgrounds, races, genders and sexualities. Playground allows for like¬minded individuals to have an open discussion about how sexual and erotic play can help enhance health and wellbeing. All of the events are not only educational but also bring an aspect of entertainment. Playground is more intimate than the Everything To Do with Sex Show and focuses more on specific (sometimes underrepresented) areas of sex and sexuality.
Tell Me Something Good — 1214 Queen Street West, Toronto
Tell Me Something Good is a monthly sexy storytelling event held downtown Toronto at the Gladstone Hotel’s Melody Bar. The show allows for attendees to volunteer to tell their own true personal stories in front of a group of sex-positive friends as well as the judges of the event. These stories can be funny, sad, unexpected or adorable, as long as they stick to the theme of the month and are under the time limit of five minutes. At the end of the night, the judges tally the scores and award the best stories with sexy prizes. A part of what makes TMSG a must-attend event is the inclusive community. Even though the event is judged, there’s no sense of competition amongst the performers. The thought of telling a group of strangers about your sex life might seem scary, but because all the events attendees are sex-positive and non-oppressive, it creates a safe space to voice your vulnerabilities.
If you are looking to change your perspective on your body and step out of your comfort zone in the company of other like-minded, body positive individuals, then Body Pride is an event you may be interested in. Body Pride is a nude body image workshop created by Toronto-based sexuality blog To Be A Slut. The workshop was designed to reconnect participants with their body in a positive manner. There are wine and snacks provided as participants have an evening of relaxing naked together. There is group discussion around sexuality, sex and bodies, followed by an optional nude photo shoot. Although being nude (non-sexually) around strangers might not be for the faint of heart, the workshop provides a space to let go of all negative feelings about one’s physical form and to gain a new natural perspective on our bodies. Body Pride is currently on hiatus with hopes of returning later in the year.
Oasis Aqualounge — 231 Mutual Street, Toronto
Oasis Aqualounge is for the more adventurous of sex-positive people. It is a water-themed, upscale sex club in downtown Toronto which offers various theme nights every month. Each day there are restrictions on what types of guests are allowed. Some nights are exclusive to women and couples while others allow for single men to join in on the fun. Sunday nights are their speciality event nights. The building has three floors, including a heated outdoor pool, a sauna and hot tub. There is also a dungeon and multiple bars around the facility. Oasis operates under a consensual mission to provide a sexually liberated and clothing optional space to women and their partners. The facility is hygienic and safe sex is encouraged through condom baskets in every room. If interested in meeting people to pursue sexual encounters, guests can freely talk to anyone in attendance, but must only ask once to touch other guests. Oasis offers a unique space to find like-minded individuals and to explore one’s body in a sexual, safe manner.
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By: Sophie Geffros
My first girlfriend broke up with me for being too gay.
I understood her concerns. We were both deeply closeted teens in a small rural Ontario town where homophobic slurs were so rampant that they were less hate speech and more punctuation. Despite my best efforts, I’ve never really been someone who could “pass”, and so all of my close relationships were tarred with the same ambiguously gay feather. Even before I was publicly declaring myself a member of the tribe, my friendships with women were treated with added scrutiny by our peers and parents alike.
It was lonely, and so the last years of my high school experience were capped with me aspiring to a kind of hyper-femininity in the vain hope that, if I could just prove I wasn’t one of “those” lesbians, I would be able to kiss girls in peace. Instead, that first doomed relationship was my last intimate encounter with either gender until university.
It was then that I discovered that the same qualities which had always marked me as undesirable and othered in high school could be used to pursue relationships. I was still far too shy to ever do anything so extreme as pursue a girl romantically, but my hair, my clothes, the way I carried myself – all of these built up to a flashing sign pinned to my chest declaring myself strongly uninterested in sex with men. Self-proclaimed “straight” girls would make out with me at parties for titillation and/or a strange kind of liberal street cred, and for a while, that was enough.
Of course there will always be straight men who take the signalling of sexual unavailability as a sort of challenge. The same straight boys who thought it was hot when their girlfriends made out with me had no problem loudly wondering whether I was “only a d*ke because men wouldn’t f*ck [me]”, as one charming specimen asked drunkenly at a party. After sobbing myself to sleep in my dorm room after one such encounter, I pledged to myself that I wouldn’t let myself be used for straight people’s titillation any more. This lasted approximately two and a half weeks, until the straight object of my affections and I engaged in some tequila-fueled fondling at an after-exam party.
In the LGBTQ+ community, there’s a phenomenon known as “second puberty”. Every September fresh-faced youth arrive on campuses across North America, thrilled that they will at last be able to date people of the same gender, or present as the gender they identify as, or even just meet other people who share even an iota of the same experiences as them.
My first girlfriend broke up with me for being too gay.
What follows can be a rude awakening. Social skills that our straight, cis peers learned in middle school may be completely beyond us. How to flirt, how to ask someone out on a date, how to have your heart broken–these are lessons most of us don’t learn until we are in our late teens and early twenties. It’s one of the things that allows lesbians and bi women to open ourselves up to experimenting with self-identified straight girls who will never leave their boyfriends for us, no matter how many flowery messages we compose in the back of our Math 1A03 notebooks.
To any first year LGBT women reading this let me assure you: she isn’t going to leave him, and you deserve better than being someone’s dirty little secret or youthful experiment. It took me until the age of 20 to realise that sex and relationships shouldn’t leave you with a bitter kernel of shame in your chest.
Part of growing up has been realising that I am one of “those” lesbians, and that it’s okay. Trying to change your gender presentation in the pursuit of an unfulfilling one night stand is a recipe that can only end in tears. The kind of girls who will only have sex with you if you don’t seem too gay are the same girls who will do a number on your self esteem and self respect.
In 2016, let’s pledge to only date people who will make us feel good, and never ashamed.
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I’ve been riding solo for most of my dating life. It might be because when I invite someone over to watch Netflix, I actually really want to watch the movie. Or it could be my insistence on being the little spoon (read: men everywhere, it’s more comfortable. Trust me). But it most likely has to do with my inability to articulate, “I like you” in a scenario that doesn’t end with one party fleeing the scene.
The first two reasons is the kind of reflexive defense I mount when my aunt casually drops the “Why are you single?” bomb at a family dinner. Sometimes it’s subtler (“I feel bad for you. Everyone else is seeing someone!”), but the result is always a tone of pity, followed by a half-hearted attempt at “Well being single is better anyway!”
It’s increasingly common to respond to questions about being single with answers that imply a playful and knowing sense of not giving a damn. These jokes are rooted in the belief that being alone is better as it frees us from the constraints of proper behaviour. In a twisted turn, the single life is glamourized and held up as the gold standard for unadulterated fun.
A younger and envious version of myself would rant about why you shouldn’t probe into people’s love lives in the first place, especially those who are obviously unattached. However, that response is rooted in my insecurities, and dating is such a huge part in the lives of twenty-year-olds, that it’d be silly to expect that I won’t have to talk about it. Besides, what else is my aunt going to ask me? What I’m planning on doing after graduation? (I changed my mind, I will tell her everything about my love life).
No, what I’m here to rant about is actually the “Well being single is better anyway!” part of the conversation. The number of times I’ve read “7 ways to enjoy the single life” (or its variations: “8 reasons why you don’t need a man”, “6 tips on taking advantage of having no significant other”) is staggering. Unfortunately, the insecure part of myself insists on clicking on these “articles” (and I use that word as loosely as one would associate “actor” with Charlie Sheen), which always leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
“You learn more about yourself when you’re single!” “You don’t have to share your food!” Wow, what wonderful insights! Now let me redirect you to “5 best things about dating,” including “You learn so much about yourself,” and “You have someone to share your food with!”
These articles exist to prop up the image of the fun seeking IDGAF bachelor(ette). They are ineffective because trying to value one relationship status over another is neither here nor there.
There’s inherent value in being unattached. There’s also inherent value in relationships. And you don’t need a listicle on Upworthy to tell you that.
And when we spend time forcefully idealizing this single life, please keep in mind that it is objectively not good for your health if you spend consecutive days lying on your bed watching Netflix and eating a tub of ice cream. By laughing with these stereotypical portrayals of what single people do, we’re encouraging this kind of behavior. If you’re going to indulge in these pleasures, as I do, at least be self-aware. I know my future 300-pound self is going to look back on my binge-eating single nights and say, “What the hell is wrong with you, you pig faced dweeb?”
The problem isn’t that you’re single. It’s that you are insecure about being single. A few years ago, I wrote an article about celebrating Valentine’s Day as a single pringle. I talked about the importance of showing your love for your family and friends. At the time, I was too self-involved to realize, “Hey, maybe not every day has to be applicable to me.” Of all 365 days of the year, is Valentine’s Day the day I must insist on commemorating camaraderie and companionship? Because you know what? There’s a day to celebrate your mother, father, and siblings. There’s also a day to celebrate your friends (Friendship Day is on August 7th).
If you’re single, don’t be ashamed of it. You don’t need to make self-deprecating jokes about not having somebody. There’s nothing wrong or funny about being a lone cat lady if that’s who you want to be. Besides, you’d be drowning in pussy.
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