Kyle West
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This photography series was inspired by comparing classic symbolism of unity and strength with consideration to the themes of Sex and the Steel City. Across the world and throughout many diverse culture, the symbol of holding hands can be seen to communicate intimacy or a close relationship.
Taking this symbol and empowering it through strong vertical compositional choices lend the viewer to perceive these couples and their love as prevailing. The stylistic choices are a nod towards the strength and monumentality of the landscape work of Ansel Adams and the influential portraiture of Platon. Ultimately, Come Together is a story of love, unity and partnership and my best ability to document this.
Kyle West is a Hamilton-based photographer. He is in his final year of art history at McMaster University and is currently the Photo Editor for the Silhouette. West has developed a particular interest in portraiture over the years, often times turning to digital and film photography to capture his subjects in a beautiful light. From perfectly timed scenes of bustling city streets on film to carefully composed landscapes and journalistic endeavours, West also utilizes his photography as a means for storytelling.
Erin Nantais
This digital drawing entitled “Shower Scene” explores ideas and themes of intimacy that are typically uncomfortable for individuals to openly discuss.
Sex and sexuality are often unnecessarily forbidden topics that need to be reimagined as natural and normal.
Through this piece, sexuality is explored and depicted as natural, normal and familiar.
Simple lines and colours along with a minimalistic look are used to enhance the idea of intimacy as a normal and acceptable human experience.
Erin Nantais is a fourth year multimedia student at McMaster University. She typically works with photography and graphic design. Her personal style of work emphasizes strong lines and simple colour schemes to create a distinctive digital feel. Creative portraiture and animal photography are main sources of inspiration for most of Nantais’ work. Nantais has always been interested in art and photography and through her work she’s found a digital style that incorporates elements of both.
Jet
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Jet’s artistic process relies heavily on research into my chosen focus. It starts with the inquiry: “I want to understand more about…” as they then experiment with different mediums until they find the right material and presentation of their idea. Visualization is the key to their process where they push the boundaries of my idea and test as many possibilities as they can. When the piece is ready for an audience, Jet prefers the audience takes part in the outcome of the work itself.
Jet works mainly with performance, video, sculpture, photography and painting. They try not to ever limit myself to one medium. Jet encounters ideas that seem to float in the air and works with them, listens to them, becomes them and finds the best method to allow the work to exist in harmony with the audience.
Jet’s practice often explores the human body in all of its physical and ethereal elements. Throughout their life they have always made space for themselves to imagine and work out complex issues. This gives them the head space to create and transform what is not yet physical into a tangible piece.
Jet is a multidisciplinary artist who emigrated from Mexico in 2009. They grew up feeling that they didn’t always belong. Social norms, family, friends, peers, the state, and especially an oppressive culture of dominance, sought to limit the creativity of their soul. Now their work reflects a rebirth of expression, and the power of the artist’s will to transform the unseen beauty that surrounds them.
Cait Gautron
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In her first piece, Eviscerate (3016), in using fruit to mirror anatomy Cait Gautron was seeking to question ideas of ripeness and primacy in media surrounding sex. Shadowing the piece are ideas of destruction and decay. With these characteristics she playfully seeks to evoke viscera while using approximate substitutes to create a surreal and dreamlike atmosphere.
Coercion (2018), oil on canvas. With this work, Gautron seeks to raise issues around social and institutional factors which motivate consent and the fear felt by participants who may unknowingly fall in to the role of perpetrator or victim.
In oil paints Gautron seeks to explore the delicate balance between desire and disgust, growth and decay, inherit in human anatomy. Raised by an artist mother, the majority of her early artistic education came from exploring the galleries and museums of Europe in her early teens. In that time she became enamoured with the lustre of Vermeer’s still lifes and the contortion of Schielle’s portraits. Currently enrolled in her second year of McMaster University’s studio arts program, Gautron has just began to show her work around Hamilton and Ontario.
Kayla Da Silva
[Best_Wordpress_Gallery id="227" gal_title="SATSC Kaylita"]
or nothing at all.
It’s 11:07 am.
You check your phone.
For a moment
you can’t breathe
and then breathing
happens all at once.
Too fast. Too frequent.
Depression lingers
in the depths of your mind
and anxiety holds
you by the throat.
_
It’s 9:27 pm.
You ask them to choose you,
but they show you
they never will.
Over and over again.
You knew all along
this was going
to happen.
The red flags
waved furiously
but they were in
your blind spot.
_
Now.
You are accompanied
by your old friend,
insomnia.
You are enveloped
with exhaustion,
and gently embraced
by the solace of truth.
Sometimes
you have to choose if
you want to pick
the dandelion
or the rose
or nothing at all.
The artwork accompanied by the poetry is meant as a reflection of relationships that are emotionally damaging. More times than never, an individual in the relationship may not be aware of how complicated the situations were until leaving them.
The series is meant to highlight the mental turmoil an individual can experience when the pattern of behaviours from a partner negatively impacts their state of mind. When being in a complicated relationship, it can often lead to an internal conflict when they are in-love with their partner.
The difficult question is; how long can one hold on to what appears to be a rose when the thorns cause trauma? A partner should never put you in a position where you need to routinely put your wellbeing at risk.
Kayla Da Silva, also known as Kaylita, is a creative and a designer. She has found her poetry to be a suitable companion to the visuals she creates. She holds a Bachelors of Arts in multimedia and communications from McMaster University and currently resides in Hamilton, Ontario working full-time as a junior graphic designer.
Instagram: @iamkaylita
Matty Flader
CW: Disordered eating
For me, sex and food have always had their limbs awkwardly intermingled (in a no eye contact Grindr hookup sort of way). I know what you’re thinking: “how deep, bananas look like dicks and I’m entirely enthused and kind of turned on.” Yet, the story of this photograph is really one of inner turmoil, anguish and ultimately resistance. The food/fuck correlation, as I call it, has lingered like an unwanted houseguest in my head for quite some time now. It goes something like this: the less sex I’m having the less I feel I’m allowed to eat. In times of plentiful or at least grandiose sexual conquest, I can take a breath… or, a bite I guess. The logic is as desperate as it is simple. If I’m not getting laid, I better stop snacking and start looking like a snack. The food/fuck correlation not only problematically frames sex as some prize for me to win, it also leads me through disorderly cycles of eating. It’s all too easy for the things I did or didn’t eat to change my self-perceived body image.
This self portrait is meant to picture the undying torment food puts me through. Putting a voice to this struggle challenges the hegemonic belief that men, those wonderful, tenacious beasts, could never develop eating disorders. The photo challenges the societally constructed ideal of a man who is too tough to feel pain. Inability to conform to this ideal can strip one of his own masculinity. As men the borders of our gendered and sexual identities are constantly under scrutiny by our peers. For most, it’s far easier to conform by reproducing masculinity however they see possible. As a result, men are taught that being normal means never being vulnerable. Expressions of masculine insecurity like my food/fuck anxiety are constantly pushed to the margins of society. I say fuck that. Through this photo I proudly shout: I am a man, I have feelings, sometimes I feel insecure, but here I am. And hey, I bet you’d still fuck me.
Matty Flader is an emerging artist based in Hamilton, Ontario and Vancouver, British Columbia. He takes an interdisciplinary approach to art projects, with a specialization in portrait photography. Flader’s work concerns a broad range of topics, including gender performance, eating abnormality and responses to current events. He often challenges difficult ideas through a humourous lens in attempt to bring attention to the absurdity of this world.
Instagram: @matt_der
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By: Julia Healy
“Sexually active” is an awkward phrase that many of us only hear in the doctor’s office. It is used in an attempt to bridge the intimate world of sex with the clinical and professional world of medicine, which is not an inherently harmful goal.
What is harmful is that whether or not one is sexually active is often the only question concerning sexual health that is asked during a doctor’s visit. And more often than not the answer is confined to heteronormative, penis-in-vagina penetrative sex between a cis man and a cis woman.
I recently had a negative experience that sums up how the use of this clinical language can lead to misunderstandings and humiliating experiences for LGBTQ2S+ individuals like myself. After having a bizarre 25-day period, I decided to go to the doctor. He told me that a wide variety of problems could have caused this problem. He then referred me to an ultrasound clinic for testing.
At the clinic, I filled out my paperwork and waivers. One form asked if I was sexually active and left no space to elaborate. I had to think about how to answer; I had had sex before, but it was with another woman, so what was this form actually asking about? Possibility of pregnancy? Exposure to STIs?
I decided to check ‘yes’ since I do consider myself to be sexually active and my doctor had mentioned that an STI could be a contributor to my problem.
Once I was inside the ultrasound room, lying on a table in a hospital gown, the technician noted that I was sexually active. She then muttered under her breath that I would need to be to to get a transvaginal ultrasound, while picking up a large internal ultrasound wand.
Not having known that being sexually active in a heteronormative sense was a prerequisite to the procedure, I decided that now was a good time to clarify. I tried to phrase my predicament as delicately as possible, so I emphasised that I had never had penetrative sex before.
The technician became very frustrated and started to interrogate me, demanding me to explain.
I thought that a medical professional who specialized in sexual healthcare would understand my phrasing. I thought that she would at least consider that different people have different types of sex.
Instead I was there, lying half-naked on a table, being yelled at by somebody who did not seem to consider sexual differences. Humiliated, I said in a very small voice, “well… I’m a lesbian.”
The technician’s demeanor instantly changed. She became less aggressive and seemed embarrassed. She left and brought back new paperwork for me and indicated that I should write that I was not sexually active and that I did not consent to the tests that I had previously consented to.
I went home frustrated about being yelled at and ultimately denied the testing that was recommended by my doctor. I decided to follow up with the clinic and while the receptionist was sympathetic and said that they would follow up with the technician, they also defended the clinic’s position by saying, that I was technically a virgin and that I shouldn’t have indicated otherwise.
This entire situation was incredibly uncomfortable for me and it could have been avoided if only the original paperwork had been clear in its questions. If I had space to elaborate on my sexual experiences in the paperwork, I would have and would have spared myself from the frustration of the technician. If I had known that penetrative sex was a prerequisite to the test, I would not have signed the consent form.
However, even with these language changes, the clinic’s penetrative sex requirement is an inappropriate policy. Everyone with a vagina should have access to reliable ultrasound tests regardless of sexual activity. Smaller ultrasound probes that can be used with less discomfort do exist, but unfortunately, not many ultrasound clinics use them. In my city of 600,000 people, you can only gain access to a smaller probe by going to the hospital.
When discussing barriers that lie between the LGBTQ2S+ community and healthcare, it’s not just about blatantly bigoted “bad apples” who refuse to treat queer patients. Barriers are deeply ingrained in the language that is used and assumptions that are made about a patient’s experience.
Barriers include failing to take LGBTQ2S+ experiences into account when designing medical procedures and failing to provide access medical equipment that works for all bodies, regardless of previous sexual activity. Barriers also arise when medical staff are ill-informed about the language that groups use to describe themselves and their experiences, and when this language is challenged in a hostile way.
Sexual health is incredibly important. However, encouraging people to take control of their sexual health only does so much if one’s identity and experiences are not incorporated into our healthcare systems.
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By: Jackie McNeill
When I had friends over as a kid, I would pull my mom aside after a few hours and ask, “When are they going to leave?” It’s not that I wasn’t having fun — I loved seeing my friends, but this time with others never failed to become draining and leave me with a need for some alone time.
While I once thought this desire to be alone was abnormal and unhealthy, as I got older I learned to take advantage of it to promote self-improvement. Left alone with just my thoughts, I’ve had the opportunity to think critically about who I am as a person, what I like about myself and what I want to do better.
Learning about who I was, both outside and inside of my relationships with others, and working to better myself has helped to increase my self-esteem exponentially over years of self-reflection.
I’ve experienced how this increase in self-esteem has aided my relationship with myself, but studies show that it can also benefit the way we interact with others.
Megan McCarthy, a professor in the department of psychology at the University of Waterloo, suggests that people with low self-esteem are more likely to stay in unhappy relationships with others, resulting from their resistance to recognize and address problems.
“People with a more negative self-concept often have doubts and anxieties about the extent to which other people care about them,” explained McCarthy.
The self-concept is our idea of self, constructed through a combination of our own beliefs about ourselves and how others respond to us. A negative self-concept, then, can cause someone to assume negative reactions towards them and therefore avoid confrontation or conflict as a defense against these assumptions being actualized.
So, an increase in self-esteem can certainly improve romantic relationships, but those are not the only relationships we experience. Every interaction we have, be it with friends, family, or even our co-workers, can benefit from the practice of self-love and self-care.
Time alone also increases communication with the self through self-awareness. When I spend time alone, my own thoughts, feelings and desires become my priority. This has helped me realize that communicating with myself should remain a priority throughout my life, including when I interact with others, paving the way for honest and open relationships.
In addition, being self-aware has allowed me to be more receptive of others’ thoughts, feelings and desires, which may reflect similar concerns or insecurities that I possess. By reflecting upon the self, we can become more sensitive and considerate towards the people we build relationships with.
It is important to note that my idea of alone is not one size fits all. Spending time alone can simply mean loneliness for some people, and as a Psychology Today article explains this can lead to anxieties, depression, or reminders of loss and abandonment.
McMaster University’s Prof. Tara Marshall illustrates this idea through the example of a breakup.
“After a breakup, people who are more secure in relationships and have higher self-esteem are more likely to desire some time alone,” explained Marshall.
“They may engage in some personal growth-enhancing experiences. People high in anxious attachment, on the other hand, desire to go on the rebound after a breakup,” she added.
Marshall went on to explain that humans are social by nature and we have a need to belong to social groups as our survival has depended on it throughout history. So it is important to balance time spent alone with socialization, just as it’s important to get to know yourself and what will work well for your own self-esteem.
The point of this time spent alone is to improve your feelings about yourself, but also to use this to positively affect your relationships with others. What works for me won’t work for everyone, but maybe by sharing my experience others will venture to learn more about themselves and how they interact with others.
Of course, when trying to self-reflect as a student several issues present themselves. Our days are packed with studying, interactions with peers everywhere on campus, trying to balance friends, a job, finishing that essay and visiting family; our minds never get a break.
So how do you get some quiet time in a busy day? Try the silent study in Mills— it’s a great way to ease yourself into being alone because you’re surrounded by other students, but everyone is focused on their own work. There’s no opportunity for socialization to distract you from yourself.
Sitting still can be difficult, so go for a walk alone in a quiet neighbourhood. No phone calls or music, just reflect on that day or what’s to come and make an effort to think positively.
If these options take too much time, go to bed 20 minutes earlier than usual and let your mind wander while trying some deep breathing. This can help ease stress and relax your mind, leaving it open for reflection.
This time alone allows you to drop what Psychology Today calls your “social guard.” Pay attention to how you behave alone and compare it to how you behave around others, and maybe work to let some of your “alone” self bleed into your public persona.
Whether you crave alone time like me or not, we can all benefit from a bit of self-reflection to better our relationship with ourselves and others. Self-awareness and the resulting higher self-esteem make an impact on the way we interact with others, and can keep our relationships open, honest and healthy.
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If you’re an avid reader of the Silhouette, then you’d know our annual rendition of Sex and the Steel City, much like the paper itself, has evolved quite a bit over the past couple of years.
Putting together this year’s sex-positive publication meant embracing the diverse ideas around sexuality, love and health. It’s about creating a non-judgemental space where experiences can be shared, identities are expressed and art can be enjoyed.
Through Sex and the Steel City we were also able to explore Hamilton’s history, challenge the issues our communities’ face and open eyes to future possibilities with passion and dedication.
Every word and visual in this issue is also a reflection of the privileged position we, as a publication, are in to unapologetically express ourselves. A position that has been continuously denied to people historically and as of late.
For this reason our cover includes re-creations of stills from the recently discovered film Something Good - Negro Kiss. Directed by William Selig in 1898, the film depicts the earliest on-screen kiss between two Black stage entertainers and challenges the racist caricature prevalent in popular culture. In the 29-second silent film, Saint Suttle and Gertie Brown convey undeniable expression of love, pleasure and happiness.
[Best_Wordpress_Gallery id="218" gal_title="Something Good - Nego Kiss"]
We hope to continue the conversation around barriers that continue to marginalize identities today while also celebrating everything good they have to share.
Sex and the Steel City is a hopeful expression that love will prevail.
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Sex and the Steel City has made its rounds over the years.
Whether it was moving on from a totally separate issue to an insert, reviving it from the dead after it was put to rest in 2014 or making the decision to not distribute 8,000 copies of full-on porn around campus and the community, looking through the SATSC archives is both hilarious and moving.
Special issues are a lot of work. Every aspect of this issue has a meticulous planning process and an entire team of staff and volunteers to get the job done. This year’s edition of SATSC was no exception.
On top of making sure that our regular, 28-page issue is both high-quality and on stands on time, our staff worked around the clock looking for submissions, editing content, laying out pages and planning a launch party. Razan Samara, our Arts & Culture editor, spent months planning the issue, from working and reworking our page count, layouts or what the cover might look like. Some of our contributors did double their paid workload in order to get this issue on stands.
Despite the various planning meetings, extra hours in the office, stress headaches and way too much coffee, we got it done, and it looks incredible.
We published the last Sex and the Steel City magazine in February 2016. The 32-page issue was distributed at the same time as our weekly paper and despite its popularity, was cut the following year due to budget cuts and complaints about the fact that it was NSFW.
After floating the idea around how to bring it back last year, we revived the special edition in the form of a some extra pages in our Arts and Culture section. We strayed from our traditional format about writing about sex for the sake of writing about sex and instead published pieces surrounding sex, health and relationships.
This year, we decided to follow suit, putting in an additional 12 glossy pages filled with artwork, information about LGBTQ2SA+ friendly spaces in Hamilton and several pieces on sexual health and wellness. We also added our feature and sports section to the fun with some themed articles and decided to have a launch party for it — which you should come to, tonight at Redchurch Cafe from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m.
Special issues allow our staff and contributors to stray from our usual content and dive into topics that interest them, never minding what may be too taboo for our weekly issue. It allows our production team to really show off how talented they are. Most importantly, it allows us to stray from the ordinary and be as creative as we want.
By: Touka Ali
Pregnancy and birth are such transformative periods in one’s life and as a midwifery student, it is my goal is to do everything in my power to make it a positive experience. I think that McMaster has the potential to equip student midwives to do this. The program has taught me not only how to be a good midwife, but how to help clients enjoy their experience.
However, I think that there is always potential for improvement. I’ve noticed the lack of adequate education integrated into the program surrounding caring for clients with a history of sexual violence, and this is something that needs to change.
Unfortunately, many survivors experience re-traumatization during maternity care, and many of the conditions that trigger re-traumatization are preventable and/or can be dealt with properly if maternity care providers are adequately trained to care for survivors. I want to feel prepared and equipped to provide survivors the quality maternity care that they deserve and my program should help me do that.
I’ve noticed the lack of adequate education integrated into the program surrounding caring for clients with a history of sexual violence, and this is something that needs to change
I want midwifery care to be an opportunity for healing, and this can be facilitated by increasing training and education in this area. It’s about time that survivors’ healthcare/maternity care needs are prioritized.
Presently, there has been increased momentum around the #MeToo movement and I think that this momentum is a great opportunity for healthcare providers to reflect on the care they provide and the ways in which they may be facilitating or preventing progress. Our healthcare system has the power to either perpetuate or resist rape culture and given McMaster’s reputation for healthcare education, we have a responsibility to make sure we align ourselves with the latter of the two.
At its core, midwifery as a profession historically corresponds with social justice and human rights activism. The significance of the #MeToo movement has been pervasive both socially and politically and has now found it’s roots in most educational facilities, which is why it is important for healthcare providers to have better understandings of the larger power structures that impact the clients we care for.
The people we care for do not exist in a vacuum and their health and wellbeing is implicated by larger systems, including the many ways in which rape culture manifests. It is vital to incorporate this understanding into the healthcare system, because we do not want to reproduce oppressive patterns in our care. The McMaster midwifery program presently provides some education in this area, but there is always room for improvement.
I've grown up around stories my mom used to tell me about her days as a midwife, so I was exposed to the profession at a young age. My mom was a midwife during war conditions, but she has this gift of making people feel safe and calm with just her presence. My mom was an anchor for the women she cared for during difficult times. I’ve grown up around stories of what my mom has done for other women via midwifery, and I’ve also seen firsthand what midwifery has done for the women close to me.
When it came time to choose a career, I chose to do something that resonated with fundamental aspects of the human experience. Midwifery gives the power back to women and pregnant persons, and it’s a great responsibility to be in the position to empower someone during such a transformative time of their life. This is not a responsibility I take lightly, which is why I think its important to strive towards improving the learning happening inside the classroom and aligning it with current social and political education.
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Sexually transmitted infections are more common than you would think but often go undiagnosed as individuals fear social repercussions. The social and psychological stigma attached to STIs can prevent individuals from taking the necessary steps to educate, protect and take care of themselves.
Please note: This infographic does not use percentages and data tracking as STIs are typically under-reported and individual risk can differ in communities depending on sexual orientation. This is not an exhaustive list of STIs but rather is based on the prevalence of reportable diseases indicated on the City of Hamilton’s Infectious Disease and Environmental Report for Jan. 1 to June 30, 2017.
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By: Susie Ellis
Getting a sex toy for the first time can be an overwhelming experience. There are an incredible number of toys to choose from, like vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, rabbits, suction toys and even fucking-machines. The amount of materials, brands and options out there can make it hard to pick the right toy for your body. I’m a veteran sex toy reviewer, who’s had many different things pass through my orifices, so I’m here to give you the lowdown on information you should consider when choosing your first toy.
Knowing what materials are available will affect how you experience your toy of choice, but it will help you avoid choosing a toy made from dangerous substances. The sex toy industry is considered unregulated, so the most common sex toys you see in stores are made from materials that can cause genital burning, frequent yeast infections, headaches, cramps and nausea.
100 per cent pure silicone, medical grade stainless steel, wood (with medical grade finish), Aluminum, glass, natural stone, ceramic, ABS-plastic.
Jelly/Jellee/gel, rubber/“skin safe” rubber, Cyberskin, vinyl and PVC, TPE, TPR, elastomer, TPR-silicone, SEBS, “silicone blends”.
Some of the bad materials listed aren’t necessarily toxic, but are porous, which means they can harbour mould and bacteria and are impossible to disinfect.
There are many ways to stimulate a vulva, so there’s a ridiculous amount of toy options for their owners.
External vibrators and suction toys stimulate the outside of your vagina (the clit, clitoral hood and labia mainly). If you’re looking for something discreet and small, get a bullet vibrator like the We-Vibe Tango. If you’re looking for something super powerful, try a wand vibe like Magic Wand Rechargeable. Or, if you’re someone who likes receiving oral sex, try out a suction-based toy like the Satisfyer Pro 2.
Dildos are used for penetration and are occasionally used to mimic the feeling of a penis. They’re also used to hit the G-spot and A-spot (like the G-spot but an inch deeper in a vagina). If you’re new to sex toys, I recommend looking at purchasing dildos that fall on the smaller side and are made of a softer silicone. The Blush Novelties Real Nude dildo line is my favourite to recommend, as their dildos come in a variety of shapes (phallic and non-phallic) and are made of dual-density silicone with a hardcore and softer exterior.
Internal vibrators are used to arouse the vagina and send vibrations to internal pleasure points like the G-spot and A-spot. Internal vibrators are great if you’re not sure which type of toy you’re looking as they can still work on your external genitalia if you don’t want to use them internally. I recommend the Lelo Mona 2 or the L’Amourose Prism V.
Rabbits are toys that are used to stimulate both your internal and external genitals simultaneously. And while this sound great, more often than not they don’t end up being good toys. Everyone’s genitals are situated differently on their body, and rabbit vibrators tend to miss their marks, so to speak. If you want simultaneous internal and external stimulation, get two different toys!
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It’s a common misconception that there aren’t a lot of options for toys for people with penises, which is far from the truth.
A cock ring is goes around the base of the penis (and/or balls) to restrict the blood flow from the penis to produce a harder and longer-lasting erection.
Masturbators and sleeves are the toys are made to simulate penetration. Most have textures on the inside to enhance sensations for the user, and some have orifice-looking holes to create a realistic illusion. Tenga Eggs or the Quickshot Vantage are a good example of fun, but not aggressively realistic-looking toys. FYI: Most masturbators are made from TPE or TPR, which are considered porous. Make sure you are cleaning your masturbator regularly and look out for wear and tear of the material. You should be replacing a well-maintained masturbator every one to two years.
Penis vibrators exist and (from what I’ve heard) feel fantastic. The Hot Octopuss PULSE III wraps around the end of a penis, vibrates all around and has an oscillating plate that sits under the penis head. The Fun Factory Cobra Libre sits on the end of the penis and uses vibrations to massage the penis head.
Everyone has a butt, but maybe you’re someone who wants to put things inside it! There are a variety of toys for assholes, including butt plugs, anal beads, dildos and vibrators. No matter what you decide to choose, get something that has a flared base twice the diameter of the insertable end. A flared base prevents toys from getting stuck inside you as the rectum has a habit of sucking things inside it (which results in uncomfortable doctor’s office visits).
I suggest starting with a small silicone tapered butt plug, like the Fun Factory Bootie, as it’s a comfortable toy in terms of sizing and feeling.
Before you choose your first toy, you’re going to want to make a mental note of what you like during masturbation or sex. Once you know what your body prefers, you’ll be able to search for your sex toy much more easily.
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As February comes and brings on Valentine’s Day and assignment due dates, I’m reminded of the possible incompatibility of my relationships and my future plans, something I’m sure I share with others.
With no guarantee of where you may end up after finishing your undergraduate degree, having a long-term partner during your early 20s comes with a series of questions that force you to evaluate your future and your relationship.
Every once in a while, I will check on some old acquaintances from school only to find out that they are not only married, but have children on the way. Others have settled into stable jobs after completing technical, professional degrees.
Whenever I do this, I ask myself, “where is your life going?” and I start taking stock of everything and everyone in my life. Most importantly, I consider my relationship with my partner and how he fits in with my post-grad plans.
While my partner and I have only been together for a little over a year, relatively speaking, we’ve been together for a long time. He’s been a constant in my life for the majority of my undergraduate so far, and it’s hard to picture McMaster without him here.
As someone who loves to plan everything out, I hold a ton of anxiety over how my partner will factor into my post-grad life. Will we end up in the same city? Will we have similar schedules?
I already stress out over grad school applications even though I haven’t even finished third year, so trying to coordinate it with a whole other person is my own personal hell.
I maintain that having a long-term partner while young isn’t really the issue. No matter how old you are, you’re making a commitment to someone without any concrete evidence that your relationship will succeed, using only inferences made from your past. So long as you’re honest with your partner and willing to compromise, most relationships can do well. The problem lays in the insecurity of your early twenties.
Very little in my life is set in stone right now. While I have some concept of where I want to end up after my bachelor’s degree, nothing yet is confirmed. Like most 21-year-olds, my life is a crushing monotony that I must follow, lest I ruin my future, and it’s essentially the same case for my 24-year-old partner.
There isn’t necessarily a fear of breaking up. Social media makes long-distance relationships easier than they have ever been before. For me, the fear is in how these changes may diverge from each other and inadvertently colour an otherwise healthy relationship.
Much of the research surrounding development agrees that people continue to mature well into adulthood and it’s no secret that a change in environment will cause someone to behave a little differently.
I often wring my hands worrying about how my partner will change once he leaves Hamilton at the end of this semester, mostly concerned that our dynamic may change when he starts the next part of his life.
That’s not to say change isn’t good; ideally you would want to grow with your partner and mature together, especially if you started dating as young as we did, and if you’re changing your environment, you’re going to have to grow.
But a quiet voice in my head will always remind me of how easily things between us could shift, and how quickly we may lose sight of each other. This is especially a concern when you’re a little younger than your partner, as I am, because I’m always going to worry that I’m not achieving my goals at the same rate as he is.
These thoughts are, in my case, unfounded and easy to overcome since all they really require are good communication. So long as you’re talking about your issues, you can grow as a person and still maintain a good relationship with your partner, something that I have found with my partner in the last few months.
You might still break up, but you will at least have the infrastructure to productively talk about your issues. And to me, that’s really what’s most important: even if things don’t work out, there’s no reason for your breakup to be a bitter affair, especially when so much of what happens in your 20s is outside of your control.
At times it feels like I fell in love too young, but that discredits the support and fulfillment me and my partner offer to each other.
While it would have probably been easier to fall in love after I found a stable job, I wouldn’t trade my relationship with my partner for anything. No matter where we end up, I’m glad we’re together.
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