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By: Nina Gaind
Dream a wet dream of me…
Thinking about your crush before you fall asleep might not be the only way to have an imaginary pleasure-filled night. Falling asleep facedown on your stomach with your arms stretched above your head can increase the chances of having a sex dream. Sleep tight McMaster… or sleep loose…
The miracle drug
One type of OCD medication can cause orgasms when people yawn. That’s a mouthful!
Motown marriage vows
According to a report from the National Marriage Project, one third of married couples sprouted from casual hookups. Sounds more like a 10-year night stand.
International Man of Mystery
During the first World War, members of the British Secret Intelligence Service found that semen could be used as invisible ink. Very groovy, baby.
Driving Miss Daisy
Besides the bedroom, the most popular place to have sex is the car. Get excited the next time you get in your partner’s car. Vroom vroom…
Talk dirty to me
Women are more easily able to manipulate their voice to sound more attractive, but men can’t. When a girl lowers her voice and tries to sound sexy, it is a signal that she is interested in a potential mate, a clue that men pick up on.
Going the distance
Your partner is in China and you’re in Hamilton, what do you do? Luckily, there’s now a sex toy company that allows your partner and you to operate your vibrators at the same time from across the world using a mobile app. Thank god for modern day technology.
The Great Sex-ession
During the recession, the sex toy industry was booming due to the fact that young people were dealing with a lot of stress. When in doubt, vibrate it out!
Free Willy
The male bottlenose dolphin has a couple masturbation tricks up its… flipper. For pleasure, it wraps a live wriggling eel around its penis. That’s one way to save money.
My 7 billion siblings and I
The amount of sperm in one man is enough to impregnate every fertile woman on the planet. One hell of a baby daddy.
Ride my bicycle
Calling all male cyclists! The pressure of your bicycle seat on your groin can permanently damage the vital nerves leading to your penis, resulting in erectile dysfunction. Save your boner, buy a longboard?
Pumpkin spice up your life
Not just for teenyboppers in the fall, but the smell of pumpkin has been shown to significantly increase blood flow to the penis. Would you like whipped cream with that?
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By: Barbara Anang
Some girls dream of financial independence, others dream of academic pursuits. And some girls, like me, dream of falling into the arms of a wealthy gentleman and having their every whim come true. This dream of a wealthy gentleman can be a reality for many college students, male or female, but venturing into the world of sugaring (sugar babies and sugar daddies) raises questions of morality. Are you an escort? A companion? Have you sold your soul for a little or a lot of financial relief? What constitutes a sugar baby and sugar daddy relationship, and what do you do when sugar turns to salt? The sugar culture is one that has reached Hamilton, but with a tangier taste than most of its participants desire.
Map of the candy factory
A sugar daddy refers to a wealthy men who can afford to pay the price for an attractive companion or “arm candy.” These “daddies” treat their ladies to the finest that life can offer. They make promises to spoil them in exchange for just a few days of their time each month. Other daddies promise trips with all expenses paid, claiming all that they want is someone to spend time with them while they’re away from home. These are sugar-babies who do not sleep with their sugar daddies. Daddies in these situations say that intimacy isn’t expected, but of course is desired — that’s how a mutually beneficial relationship works, right? Having a sugar relationship isn’t for everyone, but if you know what you’re looking for and can come to an agreement, the relationship can be one that is actually positive for both parties.
When you look at websites geared to sugar babies, daddies and mamas, many local profiles state they do not want a stripper or a professional (to put it bluntly, no prostitution or solicitation is allowed). But the reality in the Steel City is that many of these men are actually salt daddies. They present themselves on websites as having wealth, they claim they are willing to negotiate an allowance and help with bills and expenses, but what they’re really looking for is an affair or paid sex with the “girl next door.”
Now that’s not to say that there aren’t sugar babies who are still able to reap the rewards of having a benefactor. With many salt daddies slipping through the cracks, it takes a keen eye to find the right situation that works for you.
Dear Old Salt Daddy
My personal experience as a wannabe sugar baby, was unfortunately more sour than sweet. Not only was it not financially rewarding, it caused me to question my worth in the eyes of men, the poor and rich alike. I don’t have the “western standard of beauty” and that wasn’t a problem when it came to attracting a “potential.” The issue for me was the fetishization of my identity. I shared my thoughts with an acquaintance and they said, “What did you expect?” The reality is men objectify you, and that’s why you’re there. I suppose I just expected that rich men would want to take me out to charity events, the theatre and classy places I can’t normally afford. I forgot that I have the aesthetic that raises eyebrows when I walk into a room with a middle-aged wealthy man. Since the men in the Steel City are actually salt daddies, they’re looking for someone who won’t draw too much attention and cause whispers and raised eyebrows. Salt daddies aren’t really looking to spoil you; they want to pay you a stipend for your use. They might want to dominate you or they might want to be dominated. Either way, the slick ones will make you forget that you hold the power. You’re the one who can choose to back out.
Getting into the sugar game
After experiencing the pitfalls of getting into a situation that was candy-coated, I have some pointers on how to make sure you’re getting the relationship you want. A great option for wannabe sugars babies is to freestyle. What this means is you rely on “chance” to meet a potential by frequenting places where wealthy men go. Upscale bars, charity galas and sporting events are great examples of where you may find your potential. How do you make a connection like that? Older gentlemen don’t often expect the attention of younger women so once they find out they’ve caught your eye, if they’re interested, they’ll approach you and buy you a drink. Sometimes you’ll have to make the first move. If this is the case, the most effective thing to do is to hand him your business card with a legitimate or made-up occupation and he’ll call if interested. After that, it’s up to you to set the terms of your arrangement.
If being a sugar baby is considered working in the sex industry (and to some there’s no doubt that it is), some could argue that it is empowering — women dictating their own terms and benefiting from their charms. There are women who might argue that there’s nothing wrong with dating someone wealthy, and likely older, because it is much more fulfilling than dating someone their own age and ending up with a broken heart. Another group of women might say that it’s degrading and women are selling their bodies to the highest bidder. It’s simply a matter of perspective.
Overall I didn’t have a terrible experience. I went to dinner, had drinks and wonderful conversations until I realized that these men couldn’t afford my company and having sex with them was definitely out of the question (a wise friend once told me, “pussy sells for thousands”). I would definitely try it again, but probably somewhere in Europe or the USA where the sugar culture is much larger and an industry in and of itself. Being paid enough to forgo student loans and a part-time job still sounds wonderful, but maybe it’s time for me to try my hand at being a financial dominatrix instead.
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By: Victoria Marks
When I first heard the term “demisexual” I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I wasn’t an anomaly, I was a perfectly normal human being just like countless others. Then I cried.
I’ve only been attracted to, and wanted to have sex with, a grand total of four people in my entire life. I can objectively evaluate a person, look at them and say, “yes, their facial symmetry and manner of dress is appealing”, but it won’t mean I’m interested in sleeping with them. I’m what is called a demisexual, which is an identity on the asexual spectrum. Asexuality is both an identity and an umbrella term for someone who does not experience sexual attraction. It is not an orientation — meaning that you can be heterosexual or homosexual without being “sexual” at all — and, according to studies, our best guess is that 1% of the population is “ace” (though since asexual people are not typically open about their sex lives — or lack thereof — there is a chance that number is much higher).
Asexuality is different from being celibate or chaste. Asexuals are not abstaining from something they want, instead the want was never there in the first place. Being asexual doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you, and it certainly doesn’t mean you are sick or damaged.
Sexuality is a spectrum. Much like being hetero or homosexual, think of it as a scale, with most people existing somewhere from one end to the other. The label I found that best describes me is “demisexual”, meaning that I very rarely experience sexual attraction, but when I do it is because of a personal and emotional connection with the object of my affections. Outside of being attracted to a select few individuals, I don’t want to have sex. Often times my libido goes entirely dormant when there isn’t someone I’m attracted to in my life (which is most of the time). Usually I’m not attracted to anyone until I’ve known them and grown close to them over months, or sometimes years.
While labels can be incredibly comforting, they can also feel like a burden. Solving the mystery of my jack-in-the-box libido meant that I had to come to terms with the future of my sex life, which, to be honest, looks pretty bleak. I often worry that I’ve “used up” all my sexual attraction on people who didn’t deserve or reciprocate my affection during my teenage years.
I can never have gratifying casual sex, which seems to be everywhere when you can’t have any. I have to explain to every new partner that I may never want to have sex with them and I’ve been accused of not caring for someone because sexual attraction doesn’t magically appear alongside non-sexual affection. I often feel like my relationships are missing something without sex in them, since almost all relationships I see around me — fictional and non-fictional — involve sex. The only mainstream media representation of asexuality I can think of is a House episode where the patient has a brain tumor suppressing his sexuality. Watching relationships develop on television or in fiction is often an exercise in feeling like I can’t relate, while desperately wishing I could.
Asexuals are not abstaining from something they want, instead the want was never there in the first place.
Labels can be great. They make you feel like you are not alone. They can establish communities and help you advocate for yourself. The visibility of the ace community has helped a lot of people understand themselves and come to terms with themselves, but the message that is often missed when trying to explain ourselves to sexual people is how alienating and difficult it can be to come to terms with being ace. To those who think they might be asexual, I want to say that it is alright to be frustrated and confused.
There is a lot of pressure in asexual communities towards self-acceptance — which is brilliant and as it should be — but I’ve spent so much time worrying about why I don’t feel fine that I think it is time for us to say that it’s ok to not be ok. I’m demi-sexual and proud, but not necessarily happy about it. And that is alright.
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By: Susie Ellis
The Everything To Do with Sex Show is an annual convention held at the Enercare Centre located downtown Toronto. The convention is very much the Comic Con of the sex world and has included many different types of attractions. The main floor is filled with multiple stages for performances, as well as vendors who offer services and products to meet all attendees’ sex and kink needs. The floor is also equipped with an Aphrodisiac Cafe and various food trucks for hungry guests. The show offers many seminars and workshops focusing on a variety of subjects. Attendees can learn how to use a strap-on in the Kink Corner or get educated on the “12 Types of Orgasms” in the Seminar Room. The show also features a Wellness Zone (for options on spicing up your workout) and an Erotic Art Area. The Everything To Do with Sex Show offers a safe space to learn and explore the different facets of romance, sexuality, and self-improvement. This show is the best place to let your imagination run wild and learn exciting new things.
The Playground Conference is Toronto’s only intersectional, sex-positive and educational social function. The event, once held as a weekend conference, has been split into quarterly sessions for 2016 (exact dates TBA). The conference features local and international sex and sexuality educators who engage participants in panel discussions, intimate workshops and presentations. In 2015, the conference brought over 310 attendees from various backgrounds, races, genders and sexualities. Playground allows for like¬minded individuals to have an open discussion about how sexual and erotic play can help enhance health and wellbeing. All of the events are not only educational but also bring an aspect of entertainment. Playground is more intimate than the Everything To Do with Sex Show and focuses more on specific (sometimes underrepresented) areas of sex and sexuality.
Tell Me Something Good — 1214 Queen Street West, Toronto
Tell Me Something Good is a monthly sexy storytelling event held downtown Toronto at the Gladstone Hotel’s Melody Bar. The show allows for attendees to volunteer to tell their own true personal stories in front of a group of sex-positive friends as well as the judges of the event. These stories can be funny, sad, unexpected or adorable, as long as they stick to the theme of the month and are under the time limit of five minutes. At the end of the night, the judges tally the scores and award the best stories with sexy prizes. A part of what makes TMSG a must-attend event is the inclusive community. Even though the event is judged, there’s no sense of competition amongst the performers. The thought of telling a group of strangers about your sex life might seem scary, but because all the events attendees are sex-positive and non-oppressive, it creates a safe space to voice your vulnerabilities.
If you are looking to change your perspective on your body and step out of your comfort zone in the company of other like-minded, body positive individuals, then Body Pride is an event you may be interested in. Body Pride is a nude body image workshop created by Toronto-based sexuality blog To Be A Slut. The workshop was designed to reconnect participants with their body in a positive manner. There are wine and snacks provided as participants have an evening of relaxing naked together. There is group discussion around sexuality, sex and bodies, followed by an optional nude photo shoot. Although being nude (non-sexually) around strangers might not be for the faint of heart, the workshop provides a space to let go of all negative feelings about one’s physical form and to gain a new natural perspective on our bodies. Body Pride is currently on hiatus with hopes of returning later in the year.
Oasis Aqualounge — 231 Mutual Street, Toronto
Oasis Aqualounge is for the more adventurous of sex-positive people. It is a water-themed, upscale sex club in downtown Toronto which offers various theme nights every month. Each day there are restrictions on what types of guests are allowed. Some nights are exclusive to women and couples while others allow for single men to join in on the fun. Sunday nights are their speciality event nights. The building has three floors, including a heated outdoor pool, a sauna and hot tub. There is also a dungeon and multiple bars around the facility. Oasis operates under a consensual mission to provide a sexually liberated and clothing optional space to women and their partners. The facility is hygienic and safe sex is encouraged through condom baskets in every room. If interested in meeting people to pursue sexual encounters, guests can freely talk to anyone in attendance, but must only ask once to touch other guests. Oasis offers a unique space to find like-minded individuals and to explore one’s body in a sexual, safe manner.
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By: Sophie Geffros
My first girlfriend broke up with me for being too gay.
I understood her concerns. We were both deeply closeted teens in a small rural Ontario town where homophobic slurs were so rampant that they were less hate speech and more punctuation. Despite my best efforts, I’ve never really been someone who could “pass”, and so all of my close relationships were tarred with the same ambiguously gay feather. Even before I was publicly declaring myself a member of the tribe, my friendships with women were treated with added scrutiny by our peers and parents alike.
It was lonely, and so the last years of my high school experience were capped with me aspiring to a kind of hyper-femininity in the vain hope that, if I could just prove I wasn’t one of “those” lesbians, I would be able to kiss girls in peace. Instead, that first doomed relationship was my last intimate encounter with either gender until university.
It was then that I discovered that the same qualities which had always marked me as undesirable and othered in high school could be used to pursue relationships. I was still far too shy to ever do anything so extreme as pursue a girl romantically, but my hair, my clothes, the way I carried myself – all of these built up to a flashing sign pinned to my chest declaring myself strongly uninterested in sex with men. Self-proclaimed “straight” girls would make out with me at parties for titillation and/or a strange kind of liberal street cred, and for a while, that was enough.
Of course there will always be straight men who take the signalling of sexual unavailability as a sort of challenge. The same straight boys who thought it was hot when their girlfriends made out with me had no problem loudly wondering whether I was “only a d*ke because men wouldn’t f*ck [me]”, as one charming specimen asked drunkenly at a party. After sobbing myself to sleep in my dorm room after one such encounter, I pledged to myself that I wouldn’t let myself be used for straight people’s titillation any more. This lasted approximately two and a half weeks, until the straight object of my affections and I engaged in some tequila-fueled fondling at an after-exam party.
In the LGBTQ+ community, there’s a phenomenon known as “second puberty”. Every September fresh-faced youth arrive on campuses across North America, thrilled that they will at last be able to date people of the same gender, or present as the gender they identify as, or even just meet other people who share even an iota of the same experiences as them.
My first girlfriend broke up with me for being too gay.
What follows can be a rude awakening. Social skills that our straight, cis peers learned in middle school may be completely beyond us. How to flirt, how to ask someone out on a date, how to have your heart broken–these are lessons most of us don’t learn until we are in our late teens and early twenties. It’s one of the things that allows lesbians and bi women to open ourselves up to experimenting with self-identified straight girls who will never leave their boyfriends for us, no matter how many flowery messages we compose in the back of our Math 1A03 notebooks.
To any first year LGBT women reading this let me assure you: she isn’t going to leave him, and you deserve better than being someone’s dirty little secret or youthful experiment. It took me until the age of 20 to realise that sex and relationships shouldn’t leave you with a bitter kernel of shame in your chest.
Part of growing up has been realising that I am one of “those” lesbians, and that it’s okay. Trying to change your gender presentation in the pursuit of an unfulfilling one night stand is a recipe that can only end in tears. The kind of girls who will only have sex with you if you don’t seem too gay are the same girls who will do a number on your self esteem and self respect.
In 2016, let’s pledge to only date people who will make us feel good, and never ashamed.
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