Especially around the holidays, even though “‘tis the season to be jolly”, being single has unfortunately led me to have a great feeling of sadness about love and relationships. A season meant to bring people together makes people feel so lonely and long for that “special someone” more so than any other. The holiday season brings upon us two holidays that often make singles feel even more like singles, Christmas and New Years Eve.
When every other commercial or advertisement you see around this time of year is about getting the aforementioned “special someone” the “perfect gift,” it tends to get to you a little bit. The gift itself is not what is at the root of the problem but who gave it and how. Remember that commercial where the couple is skating on a pond and he leaves a diamond necklace on a tree branch for her to find? Or the one circulating this season is where a guy travels by foot and subway with a multitude of balloons to stand outside his girlfriend’s window in John Cusack Say Anything-fashion in an attempt of a romantic proposal. I have almost cried watching two-minute jewelry commercials
And if I end up crying at a short YouTube ad, you had better believe that I am a wreck for feature-length romantic Christmas movies. One in particular that pulls at the heartstrings every time is Love, Actually. Seeing all the relationships work out in the end or become resolved makes you wonder- if all these people can get it together, why can’t I? I’m well aware that this is fictitious and a Hollywood representation, but when even the twelve-year old boy professes his love to his dream girl on Christmas Eve, cute factor aside, I feel like I may as well quit trying.
And New Year’s Eve. I absolutely love New Year’s Eve, the possibility of something new or a fresh start is always exciting, but one part is extremely daunting. The New Years kiss. I wish I could say that it doesn’t mean anything, but it does. When the clock quickly approaches midnight and there is no one around, that feeling of loneliness seeps its way into your psyche. Healthy relationships are wonderful any time of the year, but around New Years Eve, it is comforting to know who that person will be at midnight and hopefully it will be someone you want by your side for 2014. Because if what “they” say is true, how you spend New Years Eve is how you spend the rest of the year, and no wants to spend 12 months feeling lonely.
So to all those who are shaking their heads, this is just an interpretation of singledom during the holiday season. Not everyone who is single and in their twenties will feel this way, this is just one girl’s take on it. So bring on the mistletoe-adorned doorways and fireworks to ring in the New Year, but in the mean time, I’ll be spending my days with a box of Kleenex and a queue of jewelry commercials.
Over Thanksgiving weekend, I found myself subjected to the same old questions by my relatives: “How’s school? How’s living off campus? How come you’ve gotten skinnier?” And then the biggie: “When are you going to bring your viagra us girlfriend home?” That one always hurts. For the longest time, I thought that the pain was because it made me cognoscente of my tragic loneliness. In turn, I’m achingly tempted to reply in my sassiest tone, “When am I bringing one home? When I friggin’ have one! When else?”
Yet I know that can’t be the case. University is such an enveloping experience that I’ve never felt truly lonely. The times that I am alone are mostly by choice and quite enjoyable. (Parks and Recreation is better enjoyed alone, perhaps with a good friend, Nutella.) Upon reflection, I realized that the real reason it hurt was because it made me feel like I should be dating.
There’s an unspoken rule that a dry spell for a university student should only last about a year. My female friend asks if I like someone. My male friends ask if I pined someone. My family asks if I have a girlfriend. I haven’t brought a girl home in so long that if my parents had not stumbled across my stash of condoms, they would probably think that I’m asexual. My mother actually once said it was abnormal that I still didn’t have a girlfriend.
This is not to say I have an aversion to dating. After a string of failed relationships stemming from incompatibility and trying too hard, I have simply embraced the idea of letting love come whenever it decides to. That’s all fine and dandy, but recently, when an opportunity does arise, I’ve found myself questioning if I even know what flirting is anymore - let alone how to do it.
The process of “wheeling” also got a lot more complicated once university started. Suddenly, I was forced to abide by rules I didn’t even know existed. Don’t mess around with the ladies from your year if your faculty is small. Don’t involve a housemate. Don’t deal with your female best friend’s best friend. The list goes on and on.
The other problem is that I friend-zone. I always get close to a female friend whom I might be interested in, but since I’m now an awful flirt, the whole process is drawn out. It gets to a point where I become so invested in the relationship that I’m afraid dating will ruin it. Thus I find myself content to friend-zone myself and have a close female friend instead.
To be honest, I don’t really feel like it’s a problem to be single. Sometimes I just wonder if I ever will strongly desire a relationship. And if I do, will I even have it in me anymore?
So here’s to you Mrs. Right or Ms. Close-Female-Friend-Number-35, wherever you may be.