The importance of being confident in your body during relationships

Loving yourself and your body is one of the first step to a steady relationship with your partner

Everyone says love is beyond your looks. But this is often easier said than done for many of us who struggle with our body image, particularly in a world of social media.  

Body image tends to be connected to self-worth. Being in relationships often causes us to feel vulnerable and self-conscious about our bodies. In some cases, it prevents people from seeking out relationships as they tend to magnify the difficulties and insecurities they may have. 

“You can’t love someone else until you love yourself first,” is a common saying we have heard many times — but is this true? This study from 2016 concluded people who were happier with their body tend to have better romantic relationships compared to those who were dissatisfied. Individuals who struggled with their body image reported having more anxious and fearful attachment styles. Overall, though, of the 12,176 participants in the study, only 24 per cent of men and 20 per cent of women reported being satisfied with their appearance. 

Katie McCrindle is a registered social worker, body liberation counsellor and activist who works with women and non-binary folks to improve their relationship with themselves. She aspires to create a world where people of all sizes are confident and are in a place of self-acceptance.  

“If they're not feeling worthy, or good, then they start to doubt the relationship,” explained McCrindle. 

Once they start to become unconfident, their thoughts can spiral down a rabbit hole as it causes them to feel displeased about their bodies and themselves in general. This is especially prominent during intimate moments when people are especially vulnerable and exposed. 

“Especially when people are contemplating having sex, I think that is a huge part that impacts body image and how you feel about yourself [by] being in that vulnerable position. It's vulnerable to being naked in front of somebody,” said McCrindle. 

Having low self-confidence in their appearance can make people more anxious in their relationship and fear that their partner will leave them. The main reason for this may be due to societal pressures and social media.  

On social media, the “ideal” woman is curvy with full lips, perfect skin, white teeth and tanned skin. For men, the “ideal” is to have abs, broad shoulders, be over 6 feet and have defined muscles. Realistically, only very few individuals can check off all of these — and that is okay. 

Body positivity is important because not only will it improve everyone’s self-confidence, but it will also strengthen everyone’s relationships, whether they are romantic or not. In short, body positivity is accepting all bodies, no matter their race, size, gender or anything else. 

“I usually start with body image. [I help] people to learn more self-compassion for those kinds of thoughts and feelings about [their] body because it's pretty normal to have difficult emotions about one's body,” said McCrindle. 

It is okay if you can’t love everything about yourself. It takes time and patience, but it is important to remember that you will always be there for yourself.