The theory theory

Social media amplifies theories about attraction and interaction, shifting the ways we perceive and form relationships

By: Sakeenah Niazi/SATSC Contributor

Humans are social creatures. Young adults are no exception. While I am not one to decry technology and name it the root of all evil, it is undeniable that the rise of social media has made people inherently less social — why leave the house when you can get social interaction from your bed? Why make a phone call when you can simply text someone? Why text them when you can simply send memes back and forth? Why interact with anyone at all when you can simply watch 15-second-long videos of people talking at you for three hours before you fall asleep?

The three-month theory, the taxicab theory, the first love theory — does any of this sound familiar to you? To the millions of TikTok users around the world, many of these are not only common terms, but axioms of romantic relationships. Phrases such as “if he wanted to, he would” and “I don’t chase, I attract” dominate the Generation Z relationship scene.

As social media gives everyone a platform to share their stories and experiences surrounding love, sex, and heartbreak, common experiences and perspectives emerge. These shared views and experiences create a precedent for how relationships are expected to work, causing both healthy and unhealthy expectations to materialize.

One of the most profound impacts that social media has had on today’s young adults is the way it has shaped romantic and sexual relationships. More and more, people are meeting their partners online, whether it is through social media or through dating apps. In fact, over 50 percent of adults under the age of 30 report that they have used a dating app.

And when two people finally do find each other, regardless of how they met, their relationship is now subject to the “Council of TikTok and Instagram.”

Social media creates an echo chamber in which every detail of someone’s life is under scrutiny. A couple might post something about their relationship and suddenly find themselves going viral because someone felt that there was a problem with their appearance or their dynamic or found another way to pass judgement on their entire life based on a 30-second video. Countless young adults begin to hold their partners to impossible standards taken entirely out of context — some 18-year-old girls complain that their boyfriends do not take on 100 per cent of the expenses in the relationship without taking into consideration the fact that said boyfriend is also 18 years old. 

People spend their evenings scrolling through infinite videos of people cheating on their partners or talking about how they’ve fallen out of love but refuse to initiate a breakup — it’s only natural that this constant barrage of negativity is then projected onto their own relationships. Terms such as “love languages” and “attachment theory” are carelessly thrown about. Whether or not there is any merit to these concepts is irrelevant; they have been taken entirely out of context and used to prey on a vulnerable population’s insecurities.

Relationships are tossed out in favour of situationships — now that there’s a term for exclusivity without commitment, it’s much easier to allow it. Theory after theory, rule after rule; social media has created a twisted handbook for relationships and many fall victim to these ideologies because they simply don’t know any better. 

I will not deny, however, that social media can create a safe space for people to share their experiences and stories. Many people grow up with no model of a healthy relationship and find themselves falling into toxic patterns. The collective discourse on social media can allow them to view their relationships through alternate lenses and help them break cycles of mistreatment and abuse. Regardless, it is safe to say that social media has had a profound impact on the way Generation Z interacts with love and sex and it will be interesting to see the long-term effects of this phenomenon.