Dear Movember Participants

By: Stephen Clare

Dear Movember Participants,

We’re reaching the end of that special time of year when us men can finally let the hairy caterpillars roam free on our upper lips. Some have managed to support a thriving colony of facial fungi, while others are stuck with peach fuzz. That’s the great thing about Movember, though, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter whether you’re displaying an Amazonian jungle or Saharan wasteland - everybody gets in on the fun.

That’s what Movember is all about. The inclusivity. Men (and occasionally women) united in their pursuit of that most manly of goals: a luxurious, thick moustache.

Wait. That’s not right at all. Isn’t there something more to this month?

We all love a good moustache, but in your pursuit of perfect pilosity, you’ve lost sight of Movember’s true purpose: raising money for prostate cancer research.

Be honest. How many people do you know enjoying a lip-warmer this month? Many. Now how many of those have donated to the cause? I’ll bet my peach fuzz that the answer is, for most of us, none.

But here comes the inevitable cry of protest: “I’m raising awareness,” you declare smugly.

Nonsense, I reply. What’s the point of raising awareness? It’s only to hopefully convince people to donate, and you’ve failed in that respect. Where are the Movember charity auctions? The Movember bottle drives? Unfortunately you’d rather sit at home and trim your mo.

Think of other fundraising efforts: the Terry Fox Run and Relay for Life, for example. These events get people involved and active while never losing sight of their commendable goals. Movember, at least here on campus, doesn’t have that. Movember’s become a time for dudes to razz each other about the state of their mo and make jokes about how cool Ron Swanson is. It’s not about the cancer research.

Enough is enough. Movember’s a huge sensation, and everybody loves it. You should be using this opportunity to do some good, not just demonstrate the sheen of your moustache. I think this problem is exemplified by the popularity of spin-off traditions like No-Shave November, which is both totally separate from Movember and totally separate from any kind of philanthropic ambitions. It never had a purpose; it was just an excuse for lazy college kids to look scruffy for a month.

Look, I realize that not everything you do has to have some kind of selfless, glorious goal. But Movember started out as a charity and has devolved into an excuse to ironically sport a Fu Manchu for a month. That sucks. That’s wrong. This is a great opportunity to run a month-long fundraiser for an excellent cause, and have fun while doing it. Make it happen.

Go to ca.movember.com/donate to show you care.

Put your money where your moustache is. Less mo, more dough.

Yours,

Mustachioed