Don’t be afraid of going solo

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“Is it just you today?”

This question is seldom asked without a cocked head and pitying look from a hostess worried about the poor, friendless girl forced to eat alone at a restaurant. Don’t worry about me; eating alone is one of my favourite pastimes. While others are forced to engage in that awful game of inching the fork closer to their mouth while smiling and engaging in polite conversation, I get to eat completely uninterrupted, enjoying my food while it’s still hot. There’s no waiting for anyone else to decide or having to talk in between bites, there’s just pure enjoyment of culinary art. Yet, whenever the server brings me a single menu, I can feel people’s glances wondering where my companion is.

Restaurants are just one of the places that I feel comfortable going it alone, but it seems like this is not the norm. Whenever I tell stories around my solo excursions, I’m always interrupted by “wait, you went by yourself?” as if it’s the weirdest thing I could’ve done. Even though I was in the middle of recounting the time I fainted outside a concert hall, the most interesting part of the story was apparently the fact that I went to the show alone.

Companionship and enjoyment are not mutually exclusive. Sure, there are things that are absolutely more fun when you share them with people, but it’s possible to have a good time by yourself. There is only one person who is going to be there every minute of every day from birth to death. Like every relationship, the one you have with yourself requires nurturing. After years of self-hate and depreciation, I had to learn to appreciate my thoughts, my quirks, and my personality as much as I appreciate the presence of my friends.

It seems like there’s a “love yourself” campaign around every corner, but can you really love yourself if you can’t stand spending time with yourself? After missing concerts because my friends don’t like good music, I made the decision to never let my own enjoyment be hindered by someone else’s lack of interest. If I want to go somewhere and you want to come with me, that’s great, but if you don’t, I’m sure as hell not missing out. Concerts, restaurants, movies, shopping, music festivals, and daytime trips to Toronto have not been less enjoyable because there wasn’t someone there. When I heard Volcano Choir live at Osheaga and a single tear rolled down my cheek, I wasn’t thinking about how much greater the music would be if there was someone standing silently next to me – because I definitely wouldn’t have tolerated talking during that set.

The Internet Age has made it impossible to really be alone. If we’re not constantly surrounded by people, we’re in constant communication. People are always getting frustrated at the idea of “bad texters,” who, when you really think about it, are just people who aren’t willing to respond at every waking minute. We’re expected to be available whenever the person on the other end wants, but there has to be a place for our own individualistic needs to come in.

There’s an indescribable feeling after having a good night laughing with my best friends, but that same feeling exists on solo Sundays walking around Locke or James Street by myself. Learning how to love my own company has helped ease symptoms of depression, social anxiety, and has made me perfectly content with singledom. I want to be around people, but I don’t need to be. In short, I’m a strong, independent woman who don’t need nobody. The greatest lesson I’ve taught myself is that I’m worthy of self-love. I’m my own best friend and there’s something so fulfilling about that. Like Charles Bukowski said, “there are far worse things than being alone but it often takes decades to realize this.” 

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