Mass Hysteria

By: Hayley Regis

You may have noticed an influx of butts in popular media. Even the prestigious Vogue is getting in on this.

Now Vogue, you know I love you, but just a heads up: I’m pretty sure butts have been around for a while now, so aren’t you just further objectifying the female body? Like, oh, thank god, I don’t have to hide my butt in shame anymore because Vogue says it’s okay. I’ll also point out that a lot of the ones you featured aren’t even that big.  What about the thick chicks? I mean, I was excited at first because I thought this meant I might finally be able to find a pair of jeans that fit my butt-to-waist ratio, but then I realized hips weren’t in, and then I realized how stupid it is that a body part could be a trend. Are you telling me that my butt, kind of a constant in my life, is going to go out of style just like snap bracelets and bucket hats (I’m sorry, bucket hats are not back in style, you’re being lied to)?

Bucket hats be damned, but Sir Mix-A-Lot never goes out of style. When I heard Nicki Minaj’s Anaconda was sampling one of the greatest butt anthems of all time I knew it was going to make my shower playlist. This song is filled with innuendos and is hilarious. Clearly, she is having a great time loving her butt and that people buy her Balmain to get with it. When J.Lo and Iggy came out with “Booty”, at first I thought “alright, this could be a thing that I enjoy,” but instead I found myself watching a raunchy video with lyrics like “it’s his birthday, give him what he asks for.” Excuse you, J.Lo and the countless other writers of this song. I am not down.

Also, why has Anaconda been getting backlash since day one, but people are falling all over a video that contains J.Lo rolling around in what I can only assume is lube or honey with a very low viscosity? Vogue just said this was the “era of the big booty,” so why is a video that is heavy on big booty getting all kinds of crap about being unacceptable and crude? Is it because J.Lo and Iggy have butts with a Vogue stamp of approval? Is it because their butts are only slightly more voluptuous than average and therefore don’t pose a threat to the various Zumba and Pilates instructors of America?

If you consider yourself a butt connoisseur, I encourage you to check out Bubble Butts. A solid Major Lazer jam with some good featuring artists, and some great featuring asses.