SatSC: Seven deadly sins of technological wheeling

Jason Woo
The Silhouette

1. Starbucks Drake Hands
Nothing like some straight up creepy interaction to end any sort of interest your crush has in you. You would think this is pretty straightforward, but judging from the truly cringe worthy original video and the gut-busting parodies that came after, I best leave this here.
2. #Hashtags
Whether you use it satirically or (in)appropriately, a prospective mate will not appreciate #iloveyou # #legitcried #loveyousomuch #dreamcometrue #toomuchhappiness #highlighofmyLIFE #cantthinkstraight #myboy/girlfriendsbetterthanyours #he/shelovesme #myotherhalf in succesion.
3. Facebook Proposal
In most cases, it is better to ask someone out in person than online. It certainly takes more guts and your crush will definitely appreciate it. It also just makes for a much cuter story down the road.
4. Timing of Responses
One of the trickiest things in the dating game is the art of timing your responses. Everyone has his or her own rules on this, but just be sure that you don’t respond a day later. Also turn off ‘read’ receipts when possible.
5. Emoticons
Like hashtags, a barrage of emoticons will trample on the attraction a crush has towards you like a herd of overly aggressive smiley faces. It doesn’t really do anything for your message, and it just comes off as annoying
6. Selfies
A selfie here and there to remind you and your crush how beautiful, adorable, and fun you are is harmless, but 10 snapchats of you with variations of the peace sign and duck face may not be conducive to your chopping.
7. Social Media Bomb
This leads to the last cardinal sin of wheeling – don’t drop the social media bomb. Never assault your crush with a barrage of posts about your inside jokes and common interests. It just comes off as a bit desperate – and no one (your crush included) wants to see that much PDA. You’ll just be embarrassing your crush.