The break-up apocalypse

Ana Qarri / Silhouette Staff

The world as you know it has come to an end. You feel alone, weak and betrayed. You might be tempted to simply give up, but we think you’re great and we want you to be happy. Here are some suggestions on how to survive your break-up apocalypse, as adapted from the movie “Zombieland”:

Rule 1: Cardio

Get out of bed. Wallowing in self-pity is helpful and healthy for the first few days, but once you hit the one week mark, it’s time to get moving. It’s not going to be easy. Everything you do and see will remind you of things that make you sad. That’s fine. Closure and enclosure might sound the same, but while some enclosure will give you time to think and deal with your feelings, too much of it will be ultimately detrimental to moving on. Physical activity also makes you happier and lowers your stress levels. The author can neither confirm nor deny this, but it sounds about right.

Rule 2: The Double Tap

If you have something to say to your ex, always think twice. It’s very possible that they don’t want to hear what you have to say. It sucks and it’s hard, but you have to remember that your objective is to move on. Trying to convince them that they’ve made a mistake, or apologizing for yours, is probably not going to work. They’ve made a decision and if they’re moderately intelligent, they have already considered all options. You shouldn’t have to convince someone to stay in your life.

Rule 4: Seatbelts 

(Not actually. This is just a really bad metaphor for your friends.) Remind yourself that they exist. These are people who care about you. Your ex isn’t the most important person in your life, and keeping or resuming contact with your friends will help you take your mind off that one person. Friends always have a way of making you feel better about yourself, so take full advantage of this support system. You deserve it.

Rule 32: Enjoy the Little Things

Start enjoying other things again. Having someone is nice, but there’s someone pretty awesome that you’ll always have: yourself. Take care of yourself. Take yourself out for a movie. Go on a walk with yourself. Make small memories that are yours. Only once you’ve realized that you are enough to make yourself happy, will you be able to move on. Breaking up with someone feels like you’ve had a part of yourself ripped off. The point isn’t to cover it up and wait for someone else to fill the void. The point is to fill it up yourself.