The real winners of Super Bowl XLIX

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Super Bowl XLIX may have been a tight game, and Missy Elliot might have outshone Katy Perry and the shark backup dancer on her left, but the real story of Super Bowl weekend was Puppy Bowl XI. At 73-45 to Team Ruff, this year’s game was the highest scoring one in its prestigious 11-year history. Surge the hamster got the workout of his life, as he had to run overtime to power the scoreboard.

This year brought many new additions to the Olympics of canine sport. The penguins of yesteryear from Happy Feet have danced their way off the Geico field, to be replaced this year by a new squad of cheerleaders – dwarf goats! They didn’t disappoint as they went baaaaatshit crazy for all the plays.

It’s also the first year the dogs were placed into separate teams, the yellow Team Fluff and the green Team Ruff, because someone finally saw through the cuteness of it all and realized that previous years have just been pups chasing their tails. Teamwork does indeed make the team work, because this year’s dogs played harder than any bone thrown at them.

The half time show was played by Katy Furry, but last Friday night must have taken a toll on her, because she couldn’t manage to purr through her hits in her blue wig. The dogs in the barking lot were not pleased, and Twitter exploded with so many memes that Grumpy Cat must be a bit nervous on top of her giant mountain of cash.

Speaking of Twitter, the game was live tweeted by Meep the bird, but a human had to step in because Meep got distracted by all the bird related emojis on the phone. Looks like someone’s wings are getting clipped.

Cara, the 14-week old Shih Tzu from Team Fluff, emerged from a roster packed with talented pups to be named the Puppy Bowl XI. In her rookie year, just like everyone else, Cara scored double-dog TDs, with a particular highlight when she recovered from a stumble at the 10 and pushed Bubba and the toy noodle in her mouth into the end zone. That bitch didn’t even see it coming.

While Cara carried Team Fluff in the first quarter, Team Ruff made a strong comeback early in the second. Labrador Retriever mix Bryan Adams somehow managed to paw a ball through the uprights, and in the process scored the second Field Goal in Puppy Bowl history. Unfortunately, it was downhill from there for Team Fluff.

One memorable play involved a fight for a noodle toy. The two dogs were pulling so hard that everyone wondered why the referee didn’t make a call. The camera panned out to show that he was too busy kissing all the other pups. In a moment of glorious payback, Bubba grabs another toy and trots her way past the two feuding pups and into the end zone, because no one was watching it.

Overall, Puppy Bowl XI was one to remember, though not as memorable as the livecam where this reporter saw a mother repeatedly eat her puppy’s poop. Talk about taking one for the team.

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