The times, they are a-changin'

Natalie Timperio

Senior InsideOut Editor

Making changes in your life can at times seem menacing, particularly when it comes to romantic relationships. Major life transitions can weigh heavily on your relationship, and so it’s not surprising as to why you, or anyone else, would fear change.

When we’re young, we really do learn so much and often what we once knew we liked could easily change overnight. Getting to know yourself—your likes and dislikes, what you want and don’t want out of life—is only natural, though, and shifting preferences is nothing out of the ordinary.

But this may not so easily be said for relationships. Perhaps you – or your partner, or both – are graduating in a couple of months, or making some other significant change in your life. Sometimes, someone is making a change and this can definitely be worrisome. If you’re like me, you may be anxious about this fact. In a couple of month’s time both my boyfriend and I will be graduating, though from different schools. I know that graduation will bring with it a completely different life than the one I’ve grown so accustomed to. But it’s a life that I’m both nervous and excited for.

Perhaps it's spring fever, but I’ve also noticed that many couples are breaking up, and most of them just so happen to be making or going through a transition of some sort. What this means, I’m not sure—it could just be a series of coincidences.

But I am sure that change can make even the strongest relationship fragile.

Naturally, a person may feel that their partner may begin to lose interest in them; they are exploring a new or different life that you just don’t seem to fit in to.

Perhaps you fear your partner meeting someone else, someone better than you, someone who does fit in to your partner’s new life. Maybe you even fear losing interest in your partner, never mind them losing interest in you.

The point is, adjusting to something new can be uncomfortable. Don’t feel guilty if you do feel this way, though.

Insecurity is like change’s evil twin; it exists, it can stop you or anyone else from enjoying something, and if you try to kill it, well, good luck with that. It’s a slippery foe that is not all too easily buried. But it can be done, and this is how:

Don’t deny; recognize:

Denial won’t do you any good. It’s easy to suppress realization of a fear or problem. Denial is almost an inevitable part of fear of change, particularly when it comes to something that is so close to your heart.

However, know that acceptance will come, whether you will it or not. And when it does finally come, chances are you’ll feel a whole hell of a lot better.

Honesty is the best policy:

This cliché really does say it all. It’s not so easy for most people to be honest with others, however. If it was, chances are you would have cleared up this issue long ago. But think of it this way; if you care enough about your relationship to worry about it, then chances are your partner does too. And, if not, chances are your partner has already noticed that you’re worried about it or something at least. So, what really is the worst that can happen? Just don’t text your partner about it, though. Face-to-face interaction is always more sincere.

Don’t hesitate to communicate:

Assuming your honesty was well-received, don’t let fear continue to get in the way of simply talking to your partner about the change. It’s happening and there’s more than likely nothing you can do to stop it, so letting your partner in on your feelings is key to maintaining a healthy and positive relationship. It’ll not only provide you with peace of mind, but your partner as well. Sharing really is caring.

Say yes to stress:

Don’t wallow in self-pity at the thought of change or the change happening, but acknowledge the fact that more than likely you will experience some degree of strain in your relationship on account of the change. Anticipating this will help you prepare from any curve balls.

You can’t predict what will or will not happen in or to your relationship, but you can help to alleviate some of the blows. Even if the two of you aren’t remotely on the same path after graduation or whatever the change may be, this does not mean that your relationship cannot prosper.

Finding confidence in yourself again may be all that you need.