A first-year’s take on the loneliness epidemic in residence

Loneliness in residence is the quiet reality for many students, but with just a little effort we can turn residence into a warm community

By: Dawn McKee, Opinion Contributor

Moving into residence at McMaster is like stepping into a whole new world. After years of high school where we had our routines, our circles and our comfort zones, the jump to university is a huge change. A lot of us come in expecting a busy social life, imagining new friends and endless hangouts.

But for many, it doesn’t always work out that way. In fact, residence could often feel more isolating than you’d expect. 

From what I’ve seen, the social scene in residence isn’t as open as it seems. People tend to stick with their dormmates, or if they’re lucky with friends from high school. While that may work for them, it can leave others, especially those without pre-existing friendships, feeling left out. 

Breaking into established groups tends to be hard. You might find yourself surrounded by people, yet still feel like an outsider. It’s one of those ironies where you’re in a place packed with students, yet the loneliness hits harder than ever. 

And it’s not just a McMaster thing. University life in general has this invisible pressure to find your people right away.  

There’s this underlying expectation that your college friends are supposed to be the ones who stick with you for life and if you haven’t found them yet, you’re somehow behind. But the truth is, friendships take time.  

Not everyone clicks right away, and that’s completely normal. Yet, when you’re in that space of trying to find your place, it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one going through it. It seems like everyone around you has figured it out. They’ve got their group and their rhythm while you’re still struggling to break into the flow. 

In reality, a lot of students feel the same way — they just don’t talk about it.

It’s like there’s a stigma around admitting that you’re lonely or having a tough time connecting. But if we could all be a little more open about the fact that university and residence life might not be what you expected, it would probably help a lot of people feel less isolated. The truth is no one really talks about the moments when you sit in your room wondering why the social scene isn’t coming together like you imagined. 

So, what’s the fix?  

I think universities in general can do more to help students connect in meaningful ways, not just through big events or loud parties. While those things are fun for some, they don’t always work for everyone.  

What about smaller, low-pressure gatherings where you can get to know people? Events that go beyond your dorm floor or existing friend groups. Activities like casual game nights, crafting, or even coffee meet-ups — things where you would show up, be yourself, and talk to people without feeling forced or awkward. 

At the same time, we as students can do more too. It’s easy to stick with what’s comfortable, to hang out with the same group every day, but it doesn’t hurt to be a little more open to new people. If you see someone who looks like they would want a friend, why not reach out? A simple “hey, want to join us?” can make a bigger difference than you think. Small gestures like that help break the barrier for someone who’s feeling on the outside. 

The loneliness in residence is real, but it doesn’t have to be a permanent part of the experience. If we all would make just a little more effort to be inclusive, to step outside of our own comfort zones, residence life would be a lot more welcoming for everyone.  

We might not fix everything overnight, but even small changes in how we approach friendships and socializing could start to make things better. At the end of the day, we’re all just trying to find our place. It’s a lot easier when we’re helping each other out along the way.