Biphobia? More like, Bye-phobia!
Unlearning and breaking the stigma associated with the bisexual identity
Being a member of the 2SLGBTQIA+ community is hard. A large part of your identity is under near-constant scrutiny. What is usually considered a private aspect of your life becomes a matter of public discourse. Bisexuality can be understood as an umbrella term, encompassing several more specific identities related to sexuality. As someone who falls under this umbrella term, I have experienced discrimination for my sexuality from loved ones and strangers.
I am a non-binary, bisexual person in a relationship with a cisgender heterosexual man. I only mention that I am non-binary because I was assigned female at birth and am often perceived as such. Being perceived as a woman is troubling at times, but it has taught me a lot about biphobia in cis-heteronormative and 2SLGBTQIA+ spaces.
When I am out with my partner, no one gives us a second glance because we seem just like any other heterosexual couple. That is not the truth. Our relationship is inherently queer because I am queer.
Regardless of which space I am in, I often get the same reaction when I tell people I am bisexual and in a relationship with a man. It is along the lines of, “so, you are basically straight then”. Not only does this belittle and disregard a large part of my identity, but it also does so for every bisexual person out there in seemingly heterosexual relationships.
A similar reaction is experienced by bisexual people in same-sex relationships, along the lines of, “so, you are basically gay then”. Either way, the bisexual identity is erased to cater to black or white ways of thinking, which appease both heteronormative and homonormative ideals.
As I have only been in serious relationships with men, I spoke to some bisexual friends and explored 2SLGBTQIA+ communities online to learn more about this sort of reaction. I was horrified to discover that the same black or white way of thinking is also applied to bisexual people within 2SLGBTQIA+ spaces. I could not stop thinking about how bisexual people are isolated by the same community that is meant to include them.
The sheer shock I felt when I first learned how contested the bisexual identity is in all spaces has not dissipated. I had always expected pushback from cis-heteronormative society, but I am appalled that many bisexual people still are not accepted by 2SLGBTQIA+ spaces. As far as I can recall, the “B” in 2SLGBTQIA+ stands for bisexual.
I often hesitate to tell people I am bisexual or to tell those who know, that I am in a relationship with a cis heterosexual man. I wish that I, and other bisexual people, did not have to feel uneasy about sharing a part of themselves. Discrimination on any basis, including someone’s sexuality, is an archaic action from a bygone era. It’s time to accept others for who they are and make an active effort to make sure people do not feel alienated from the spaces meant to include them. It’s time to say bye to biphobia.
