Sex and the Steel City: Confessions of a single guy
Over Thanksgiving weekend, I found myself subjected to the same old questions by my relatives: “How’s school? How’s living off campus? How come you’ve gotten skinnier?” And then the biggie: “When are you going to bring your viagra us girlfriend home?” That one always hurts. For the longest time, I thought that the pain was because it made me cognoscente of my tragic loneliness. In turn, I’m achingly tempted to reply in my sassiest tone, “When am I bringing one home? When I friggin’ have one! When else?”
Yet I know that can’t be the case. University is such an enveloping experience that I’ve never felt truly lonely. The times that I am alone are mostly by choice and quite enjoyable. (Parks and Recreation is better enjoyed alone, perhaps with a good friend, Nutella.) Upon reflection, I realized that the real reason it hurt was because it made me feel like I should be dating.
There’s an unspoken rule that a dry spell for a university student should only last about a year. My female friend asks if I like someone. My male friends ask if I pined someone. My family asks if I have a girlfriend. I haven’t brought a girl home in so long that if my parents had not stumbled across my stash of condoms, they would probably think that I’m asexual. My mother actually once said it was abnormal that I still didn’t have a girlfriend.
This is not to say I have an aversion to dating. After a string of failed relationships stemming from incompatibility and trying too hard, I have simply embraced the idea of letting love come whenever it decides to. That’s all fine and dandy, but recently, when an opportunity does arise, I’ve found myself questioning if I even know what flirting is anymore - let alone how to do it.
The process of “wheeling” also got a lot more complicated once university started. Suddenly, I was forced to abide by rules I didn’t even know existed. Don’t mess around with the ladies from your year if your faculty is small. Don’t involve a housemate. Don’t deal with your female best friend’s best friend. The list goes on and on.
The other problem is that I friend-zone. I always get close to a female friend whom I might be interested in, but since I’m now an awful flirt, the whole process is drawn out. It gets to a point where I become so invested in the relationship that I’m afraid dating will ruin it. Thus I find myself content to friend-zone myself and have a close female friend instead.
To be honest, I don’t really feel like it’s a problem to be single. Sometimes I just wonder if I ever will strongly desire a relationship. And if I do, will I even have it in me anymore?
So here’s to you Mrs. Right or Ms. Close-Female-Friend-Number-35, wherever you may be.