March 7, 2013
This article was published more than 2 years ago.
Est. Reading Time: 6 minutes

“Does this look good here?”

“It’s an acrylic painting of a naked woman wearing a dead boar on her back. It won’t really look good anywhere.”

“Funny. I like it. It’s going on the mantel.”

“Whatever. Put your little deranged painting up. My couch is going in this room. ”

“Seriously? You know my couch is way nicer.”

“You mean the “I’m too poor to afford a couch so I ransacked my neighbour at his wake?” couch.”

“God. Why did we even agree to move in together?”

“A) Rent was up for both of us. B) We didn’t have the income to live on our own. C) I think you’re really cute. ”

“All very valid reasons; specifically the last one.”

“Especially the last one.”

“Oh shucks, you flatter me. But, what is up with the music coming from the apartment above us? That guy is always playing the weirdest stuff.”

“I know. I hope we don’t have to deal with this forever. This morning he was playing Meatloaf...and I didn’t get it...I don’t want to get it.”

“I actually like Meatloaf.”

“You’re kidding?”

“I’m kidding.  Now kiss me.”



“This is probably the dumbest thing you’ve ever done, Lidja.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“You’ve known this guy for three months. THREE MONTHS. And now you’re living together in an apartment that only has one bathroom. ONE BATHROOM.”

“Look, it sounds reckless, but he’s actually great.  He doesn’t have a criminal record. He’s holding down a job and he’s finishing a double major. Plus, he makes me breakfast and lets me put up my art.”

“Wow! What a catch? Where can I get me a boyfriend like that? Ebay, Craigslist, Kijiji?”

“Shut up, we met at the shoe museum and we’re not even dating.”

“The shoe museum? That’s rich. I just can’t comprehend how you let this happen. Lidja meets Boy at shoe museum and after three months becomes roommates with Boy. Lidja also kisses Boy and cuddles with Boy and...”

“Thanks for being understanding.”

“Lidja, you’re my best friend and I want you to be safe. Just please... if he’s ever unexplainably hunched over your bed at night with like an eye-patch on...”

“Don’t worry Kimmie-Cakes. I’ll be fine. I’m a big girl. This is a transition period. We’re just trying to start over.”




“I’m sorry! I just can’t believe that “Rational Ravi” is bunking with a girl he just met.”

“You make it sound like we’re committing a crime Lewis.  We’re sharing a space together, while trying to advance ourselves during a tough time. That’s not a terrible idea. It’s actually quite ratio-”

“Do you know what her favourite movie is?”

“A tie between the Kill Bill trilogy and The Whale Rider...I think.”

“How about her favourite song?”

“Umm...something by Aerosmith?”

“Okay.  What’s her family like? Her friends? Who does she follow on Twitter?”

“This interrogation is unnecessary.”

“No it’s not. If you can’t tell me simple things like what her favourite song is, then how the hell do you know if she’s not like, the ghost whisperer or something? Do you want to be living in that kind of environment—with ghosts and shit?”

“You just got to side with me on this one. When have I ever been wrong?”

“How about now...I can hear you shamelessly blasting Air Supply.”

“Oh that. That’s the dude who lives a unit above us. He plays ridiculously loud music all day. Last night, we went through the full ABBA repertoire.”

“That’s rough. Maybe it’s a sign from the Gods telling you to get out now, before he starts playing Insane Clown Posse.”

“Too late.”




 “I love this window. It gives us the most amazing view of the city.”

“It’s a real selling point. If we have to survive with one bathroom, the view better be killer. That’s how I rationalized moving into this place, anyway.”
“See right there Lidja? I used to work at that building during first year.”

“Wow, that building is so big and corporate looking. Is that glass panelling?”

“Well, it was very corporate, and yeah that’s glass panelling. You notice the weirdest things.”


“You look...sad. What’s wrong?”

“There’s you, noticing things again.”

“No, really.”


“It’s just...from this height, the city looks so small and yet that building, it still looks... I don’t know. It was just an amazing opportunity. I want to work there one day, like, really work there one day.”

“The future is pretty ominous from our view. But hey, it can only go up from here.”

“We live on the eleventh floor Lidja.”


“And, there are eleven more floors below us.”



“Is he playing Coolio?”

“Yep, that’s Coolio.”



“So, you got braces in second grade?”

“Yep! Who makes their six year old kid get braces? I still had my baby teeth.”

“That’s bad, but not as awful as what Lewis’ parents made him go through in middle school.”


“Yeah, best friend.”

“Right! Lewis. Best friend since third grade? The guy you talk to on the phone for hours? That Lewis?”

“Yeah. I thought you knew who Lewis was.”

“I do know! I just had a little brain fail for a second. He’s the guy who comforted you when your dog died, and pretended to be your brother, so that you’d get the family discount at that falafel place...”

“Yep, that Lewis. You guys should really meet. You can bring Jill along. We can have tacos...Lewis loves tacos...and then watch whatever’s on Netflix.”

“Sounds like a ball, but who the hell is Jill?”

“You know...Jill.”

“The only Jill that I know is my orthodontist’s secretary. Let’s just say we don’t roam in the same social circles, so no, I don’t know Jill .”

“Okay, you fully know who I’m talking about—the girl who’s in all of your fridge photos. The one you call Kimmie-cakes, which I don’t understand, because her name is Jill.”

“Nope, it’s Kim. And wow at your awful attempt at covering up the fact that you clearly have no idea who my best friend is.”

“Fridge photos—the girl in the fridge photos.”


“I don’t know what you really want me to say.”

“What about me and Kim? I know a lot more about Lewis. I could give you a semi-detailed description about your friendship with him.”

“Right. Two seconds ago, you didn’t even know who Lewis was.”

“At least I didn’t call him Renaldo or something.”

“Kay, I messed up her name, I didn’t run over her cat.”

“Kim doesn’t even have a cat.”

“Okay, now you’re picking a fight with me for no damn reason. It’s not like I’m the third best friend here.”

“Really Ravi, then what are you? If you’re not a best friend and you’re not a boyfriend. What are you?”


“I...I...I don’t know. I’m your roommate.”

“Stop. You are not my roommate. Roommates fight over who’s going to take out the trash; they don’t kiss and cuddle like we do. Even though you thought my painting was ugly, it’s still on the mantel—it’s the first thing you see when you walk into the apartment.”

“I don’t know what you’re saying Lidja.”

“I’m saying. If you’re not my best friend or my boyfriend or my roommate, then what are you?”

“Do you want me to tell you the truth?”

“Yeah, that’s what I was kind of hoping for.”


“I-I’m a stranger... and you are too.”
“I don’t think you mean that.”

“You just...don’t try to turn this on me. You know I don’t say things I don’t mean.”

“No, I didn’t know that. Should I just start asking you all of these questions?

“Ask away!”

“Fine. What’s your mom’s name?”


“What is your favourite item of clothing? Please don’t say that crusty denim jacket.”

“Actually, that “crusty” denim jacket.”

“Fine. Do you own an eye-patch?”

“What? No. Why is that even a question?”

“Because it is. I’m a big girl and I can ask any damn question I want.”





“If you’re a big girl...then why are you crying?”

“I’m...I’m not.”

“Those are tears.  Please don’t cry.”

“He’s just...he’s just playing a beautiful song.”

“The guy upstairs?”

“Yeah, do you hear that?”

“Faintly. It sounds like a dying goat.”

“No, that’s Steven Tyler...”

“...Of Aerosmith. And the guy upstairs is playing I don’t want to miss a thing, your favourite song.”

“You knew that?”

“Of course. That was the song to your first slow dance.”

“Yeah. No guy had ever asked me to dance before and then this song came on, and all of sudden...I was dancing and it was awkward, but it was beautiful.”

“Can you please stop crying Lidja?”

“No, you knew my favourite song Ravi. I’m mad at you, but you knew my favourite song.”

“That’s important, isn’t it?”

“Yes Ravi, it is.”

“For what’s it worth I kind of like this song too.”


“Can you just hold me now?”


“Thank you roommate.”

“I’m not your roommate.”

“I know that.”

By: Yara Farran


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